


The Shimmering Drift

by Sylvas



Series: The Resurgence of Noxus [4]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Romance, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:55:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 63,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10959126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvas/pseuds/Sylvas
Summary: Katarina and Lux had the perfect escape plan. Local crimes held no candle to the Institute of War. They would request asylum, be found innocent under international law, and be allowed to go. Where from there, they had yet to decide. All they had to do was wait.But declaring victory too early is a novice's mistake. You cannot win by sitting behind your castle's walls.All you can do is stave off your loss, until it is at your doorstep.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the sake of clarity, this fanfiction series is using a playful mashup of old and new lore. It supposes that the League of Legends may not exist, but the Institute of War does. And most importantly, it assumes that Lux's original story, and the political scandal at Kalamanda, still happened.   
> Edit: Now that we have a new world map, it should also be fairly obvious that this doesn't use that. Sorry! 
> 
> It is safe to say that I will probably never write wholly in Riot's current canonical world, as of the time of this posting.

Summer was a ruthless season in the heart of Noxus. Waves of heat radiated off of the cracked earth in the open plain, and at times the stone and metal that comprised the capital city was scorching to the touch just from the beating, furious sunlight. But the barracks had little shade. Recruits and students were proud to sweat here. They accepted nature's challenge with gusto. 

Katarina had already completed her rounds in the morning. She liked to get her physical exercise done early, so that she was awake for the more theoretical parts of her training, and could wind down with more practice and drills in the evening once the sun had set - not just to avoid the intense heat (not that you'd ever hear her complain about it) but also to exercise her night vision. On rare occasions, her father would come up to the barracks with her, and would train her directly; most of the time he was too busy with his work and another specialized trainer from his old unit would work with her instead. In either case, though, they left her to her own devices after their training was done, and she liked to recline just out of sight, watching another unit do their own exercises, while she caught her breath. 

Some mornings it was a large drill, amateur soldiers practicing their technique on one another under the watchful eye of some veteran. Katarina's favorite of these was a crimson-haired woman whose students called her Scrowveil. She had such a striking visage, but a warm smile and a firm, passionate voice. It was easy to hear the care behind her criticism. "If you're going to put your life on the line," she would say, "you better get the most out of it that you can. That's why we're here." Katarina's own trainer would often scowl at the mention of her. Too softhearted, he would say. Katarina wondered why that was.

Other mornings, like today, it was a somewhat smaller group, who would usually fight in pairs or in teams of two. Today's group didn't even have a supervisor. It was just four young women, around Katarina's age, sparring in pairs and trading off. They gave each other compliments, egged each other on... and they fought _hard_ , as though with real weapons and trying to draw blood. She saw one girl with pure white hair smash another with a halberd so hard that she slid back several feet; she saw another dash under an attack and pin her adversary against the wall, a hand clenching around her throat - for just a second. Always they pranced back, hands raised, and they'd ask if the other was okay. There was a clear sense of camaraderie between them. They were friends. 

Katarina watched them for much longer than she normally would. She shrunk back into the wall any time they glanced in her direction, desperate not to be seen, but... she was transfixed. It was clear as time went on that the white-haired girl was the strongest of the four of them, not just in physical strength but in combat prowess in general. She switched weapons for seemingly every encounter, and still pummeled her opponents into the dirt without mercy - but would quickly ditch the weapon, the determined glint in her eyes fading, and offer a hand to help them up. She wanted to fight this woman. She wanted to test her own steel and reflexes against hers. She... wanted to... 

"Go on, then," a low, velvety voice purred, and someone shoved Katarina hard in the back - she stumbled and yelped silently, whirling around, hands grasping for knives she wasn't presently wearing. Cassiopeia snickered from the doorway behind, her eyes gleaming with mischief. Katarina, by contrast, felt her chest turn cold. "What?" the younger woman giggled. "Go on, humiliate yourself with them." 

"Shut up," Katarina hissed. "They might hear us!"

"So?" Cassiopeia sighed, shaking her head. "What sort of noble heiress are you? If you want something, go take it. What are you so scared of?" 

Katarina wilted. She wasn't scared! She _wasn't._

"Ah, I see," Cass cooed, leaning sideways against the door frame, propping her cheek up with one hand. "You need my help to get the bottom of your pitiful feelings again, don't you?"

"No," Katarina growled, "shut up." 

"Yes, yes, that's Katarina-speak for 'I'm vulnerable and please help me', isn't it?" Cass's smile grew sinister. "Don't you worry, big sister. I've got your mess all figured out. You're hot for that girl, aren't you?" 

" _No!!_ " Katarina cried, as quietly as she could. "Out of my way, I'm going to be late for -- "

"No, no, this is important," Cassiopeia countered, with an expression of earnest surprise. "I was just _teasing_ , but you're really serious, aren't you? Is she your type? That sweaty brute in there?" She jerked her head in the yard's direction, and craned her neck up to try to see better. Katarina took the opportunity to try to slip by her, but Cass snapped her arm across the doorway, blocking her thoroughly. "Honestly," Cassiopeia growled, "your insistence on running every time your feelings get brought up is so pathetic." 

"I don't want your help, or whatever you're trying to do here," Katarina hissed. 

"But you need it," Cass interjected coldly. "Or else you'll never get so much as a kiss, now, will you? Old enough to be enlisted now and _still_ your lips are unclaimed. It's honestly disgusting."

"Stop this!" Katarina tried her hardest to keep her voice from rising. She felt so helpless here. The only other way out of the courtyard was past the practicing girls; she glanced over to see if they were still there - and gods above, the white-haired girl was _looking at her_! With that same expression of concern that she showed to her opponents, no less. Was that pity, or - ?? She looked away, feeling her cheeks growing hot - and she knew what Cassiopeia would say; sure enough her younger sister's eyes lit up and her twisted smile grew even wider still. 

" _Look_ at you," she breathed. "So bothered just from a glance! So what, are you just going to stand here and blush, like a pastel Demacian courtesan? Or are you going to go out there and _do_ something with yourself?" 

"I'm going to go home," Katarina snarled, "and go back to my training, and forget any of this ever happened. Now leave me alone!" She tried to shove past Cass - but Cass didn't move, didn't even flinch, and the memory of their father's reproach made Katarina falter and step back.

Cassiopeia, for her part, tutted sadly. "So afraid," she sighed. "But then, with a track record like yours, I suppose I don't blame you. You don't want to go in there and humiliate yourself, right? Aren't you fortunate that you have me around to make things easy for you?"

"You're not making anything easy!" Katarina groaned. "You're in my way!"

" _I'm_ not in your way," Cassiopeia drawled. "The only thing standing between you and your dreams is yourself, of course. But then, this isn't just about your dreams, is it?" 

"What are you talking about?!"

"You're the heiress." Hate began to creep into Cassiopeia's voice. Katarina had heard it before; it chilled her, and she looked around again hastily, desperate for some other angle to leave the yard from. "All of our family's hopes and dreams are riding on _you_ ," Cass continued icily. "On your ability to uphold our honor, to provide heirs, secure our future. And look at you... panicked at the idea that she might have to confront somebody she's attracted to. Polite words cannot describe you, Katarina; you are _fucking shameful._ "

It was at this moment that Katarina finally gave up. Listening to Cassiopeia was officially not worth evading the notice of the sparring girls. But as she turned to try to sprint past them, she saw with horror that they had approached, the white-haired beauty at the front. Gods, she was prettier than anything Katarina had ever seen! She had _red eyes!_ She was transfixed immediately, unable to move, dread filling her body and her insides squirming in turmoil. Behind her, Cassiopeia - with delight - cleared her throat.

"Is everything alright?" the beautiful girl asked, looking between the two of them with a concerned, but firm gaze, not unlike her father's. Katarina was powerless and could not speak. 

"Yes, my poor sister just has a bit of stage fright," Cassiopeia chuckled, good-naturedly, all malice utterly erased from her tone. Katarina heard her footsteps against the grass - she had moved away from the door! "I was just encouraging her to introduce herself." 

"You were watching all of that?" one of the other girls, in back, breathed in horror. 

"That's alright," the beautiful one said, though she didn't sound reassured. She turned her attention to Katarina, who thought she might melt, and extended a hand, smiling. "I'm Riven," she said cheerfully. 

Katarina. You've got to shake her hand. You have to. It'll be good! You'll hold it, and shake it just a bit, but with a firm grip like your dad taught you but not TOO tight, and then she'll - smile at you more, and - oh, fuck, oh gods. Oh gods what was she doing? 

"A-Ah," Riven laughed sheepishly, "a little shy? Sorry, I guess I was a bit forward." She stepped back. Katarina couldn't tell if it had gone by in an instant or if she'd been waiting for an hour. Either way she could feel Cassiopeia's aura souring beside her. 

"Riven," still another girl said lowly, "these two are giving me a creepy vibe. We should practice somewhere else." 

"Creepy?" Cassiopeia repeated incredulously. "How dare you. You'll hurt my poor sister's feelings, in any case. She's a bit sensitive." No, don't fucking patronize me! Katarina wanted to scream! "If you must go," Cassiopeia continued, "the please at least honor her with a duel? Just the two of you." 

"The two of us?" Riven repeated, looking over at Cass, her eyes widening a little. "What, you don't want my friends to watch?"

"Oh, no, it would just be terribly romantic," Cassiopeia purred, with a disgusting satisfaction. "Bonding heart to heart over the clashing of your blades, building in tempo and ferocity until one of you finally breaks through to the other, breathless and in awe..."

Riven stepped back, looking vaguely disgusted - and to Katarina's despair, turning a little red, too. She evaded Katarina's gaze afterward. "Yeah," the third girl said stiffly, "like I said, huge creep vibes." 

"L-Listen," Riven stammered, managing to glance briefly in Kat's direction, "uh. I- I dunno when we'll be by here next, but - next time just say something, okay?" 

"Oh, she doesn't like to use words," Cassiopeia giggled. "She'll introduce herself a bit of a different way I'm sure." 

"The further away from your sister," Riven added darkly, closing her eyes, "the better." She turned back to her friends. "Let's go. I'm sure there's another pad we can use." 

 

Then they were gone. Like an idiot statue Katarina had stood there and done and said absolutely nothing. They had come to say hello and grace her with the suggestion of friendship, and she had utterly wasted it. 

Though not without help. 

She turned and glared at Cassiopeia, teeth gnashing and fingers curling into fists. Cassiopeia smiled a piteous, bittersweet smile back. "I had no choice," she intoned sadly. "If you'd chased someone like her, you'd have just embarrassed yourself or the family, and probably both. What would you do without me?"

Katarina couldn't respond to that. She had no defense. Cass was probably right, anyway. 

"Fuck off," she tried to shout, but it came out as more of a whimper in her ears. Either way, she sprinted away from the yard, Cassiopeia's horrible smile still burning into her eyes. 

 

She fought hard through her lessons for the rest of the day. Her father always said to wield your anger, instead of wallowing in it, so she tried her best to weaponize it against her enemies, and the enemies of Noxus. But the only enemy that mattered here was Cassiopeia. What the hell was wrong with her!? Why had she done that? 

_You'd have just embarrassed yourself... you are fucking shameful._

So, naturally, she was too distracted to do herself justice during her training. Her instructors knew what was wrong, too, and hounded her over it. If she was to make it as an assassin, she couldn't let her surface emotions affect her so severely, they said. Your target only needed to make you mad, and you'd make a mistake and die. You wouldn't be reliable. You couldn't be trusted with sensitive missions. You'd be a waste. And through it all, she saw Cassiopeia grinning smugly in her heart. _Shameful._

She was right, of course. Katarina was shameful. 

Dusk found her in the corner of the estate grounds, hurling knives into trees over and over. Her father had told her before that practicing and training were good ways to work out your emotions, but it only worked some of the time. She was far too aware of every stupid little mistake she made. Her throws weren't angled right. Some of them glanced off of the bark, some of them didn't stick out directly back at her. A couple even just missed entirely. It was infuriating. She knew she should stop and go inside, but dinner was waiting in there... and her sister was surely there, too, waiting for her chance to strike again. She had been optimistic enough growing up that, by now, she knew better. 

So she stayed outside. Throwing her knives, storming over into the grove to gather them up again, and plodding out to her starting place to start over. The sun set. The grove grew terribly dark. She had to feel around the trees for her knives, to judge whether they'd landed by sound alone. She promised herself she'd go in once she'd perfectly thrown all five in the same set. It didn't happen. 

She really was shameful. 

In the pitch dark, hidden between the trunks of the trees, she knelt to pick up a knife that had missed its mark... and slumped sideways against the nearest root, her breath catching. She heard herself sniffle. _Yeah, whatever, cry, I guess._ How pathetic, to get hassled a little in the morning and have it ruin you all day. It was embarrassing. Sure, Cass was a bitch and made things worse, but it wasn't like it was entirely her fault. If Katarina had made any kind of move... well... it wouldn't have gone well, and here she would be, hiding from her family, starving, throwing knives at unmoving targets and _missing_. What a waste of air. 

"Katarina." 

She jumped. The speaker's voice was authoritative, but distant - from outside of the grove. It was deeper than Cass', but feminine. She recognized it immediately - it belonged to Lady Maria... her mother. How naive of her to assume she was safe out here. Even if Cass didn't like to come out after dark, her parents would have no such qualms. 

"Leave me alone," she tried to yell. Her voice cracked partway through. 

"Katarina," Maria sighed, her voice heavy now. "Your sister told me of a tragedy she witnessed this morning, in the barracks after your practice."

Yeah. Tragedy, indeed. Katarina seethed with a renewed, but cold fury at the idea. The two of them had sat over dinner and Cassiopeia had spun some tale about how Katarina had humiliated herself and Cassiopeia had to swoop in and rescue the family honor. Again, Katarina had once been optimistic, once hoped that her sister would cover for her and say things that made her look good or at least would tell the _truth._ And she had been let down enough times to know that that was never going to happen. 

"Leave me alone," Katarina repeated hoarsely. 

"Why? Do you think I'm angry with you?"

Katarina was silent. 

"I know you're angry with yourself. You and I are alike that way. But I am not angry with you." 

"You should be," Katarina mumbled, under her breath. 

"You need to come inside," Maria added firmly. "You've dinner to eat. And if your last few sets are anything to go by, we cannot let you linger in this state. It'll affect your training."

Again, Katarina was silent, and didn't move. After a moment, she heard her mother's sigh, and slow, methodical footsteps against the grass, moving closer. 

"I can't see you," she warned. "Don't let me kick you." 

"I'm here," Katarina murmured, shifting upright partway. 

"Ah. Kneeling. Yes, of course, my favorite activity." Katarina couldn't see her face, but she could hear her mother's dryly amused smile as clearly as ever. She shifted so that she was more visible, and slowly, her mother knelt down and sat beside her, sighing with relief as she was able to stretch her leg out again.

But she didn't speak. For a few moments, they just sat together. 

"I liked to go out, when I was your age," her mother sighed. "Clear my head a little. So don't worry, I'm not going to rat you out or anything. Take your time." 

So... Katarina did take her time. 

 

All else was still. No one came to bother them. Katarina heard commotion in the distance a few times, but it was nothing she wasn't used to hearing at this time of night. All the while, her mother sat beside her, silent. She wondered if Maria just wanted to keep an eye on her, or if there was some other motivation at work here. Either way... she felt safe, and that allowed her to relax. 

After what felt like an hour, Maria turned to face her - Katarina saw her green eyes, reflected in the dark, lidded and terse, as though some dour thought lingered on her mind. "Any better?"

"I guess," Katarina admitted. She didn't expect just sitting outside for a while to be so satisfying. Usually, doing nothing meant thinking over and over about what Cassiopeia had told her or whatever dumb failure had upset her in the first place. But with her mother here...

"Cassiopeia is terribly angry with you, I think," Maria sighed, looking forward and leaning her head back, staring through the trees to the starry summer sky. At one point she had taken one of Kat's knives and now began tossing it into the air, idly, catching it easily in the dark. It glinted like a shard of pure light in the void every so often, catching Katarina's eye over and over. "She is jealous of you." 

"I don't want to talk about her," Katarina grunted. Nothing good would come of it. If Katarina tried to protest to her father, he would say to toughen up and not to listen to her; if she protested to Maria, Maria always found some way to rephrase things in a positive light for Cassiopeia, as though that made her feel better. As if Cassiopeia's intent was always good, and that Katarina should see it for what it was. Sometimes Katarina felt they were both fools for being unable to see Cassiopeia's true nature. But other times... she just didn't know. And tonight she didn't especially care to know, either. 

"That's fair," Maria agreed quietly. "That's..." But she trailed off, and sighed. "I apologize, Katarina. Ever since you two were very small, I've wished you would get along better. But maybe it will never happen." 

Katarina was silent, and she hoped that her silence made her point. 

"I worry that by pushing for it," Maria continued, faintly, "I've... pushed you away from me." 

Katarina winced. That... wasn't untrue. But it wasn't because Katarina hated her, or anything. She loved her mother! She'd probably just made some mistake by letting Cassiopeia get between them. Maybe that was a part of Cassiopeia's master plan to make Katarina hate herself, actually; isolating her from their parents so she didn't have anywhere to go. What a bitch. "I just didn't think you liked me," Katarina murmured after a while.

Maria laughed - but it was a shocked and bitter one, rather than genuinely amused. She snatched her dagger out of the air and turned to face the girl fully. "Katarina, I _adore_ you," she breathed. "More than I could ever express. I'm so immensely proud of you." Katarina stabbed her own knife into the dirt beside her, dragging it back and forth, avoiding her mother's gaze. "If anything, I've let _you_ down," Maria continued. "I promised to teach you my art, but now... I can't."

"That's fine," Katarina sighed. "I wouldn't be any good at it. I'm not pretty like you and Cass are." 

Maria was quiet. Katarina continued to drag the knife's blade back and forth, deepening the little trench beside her. 

"Come inside," Maria said curtly, after a moment. Katarina jumped; she turned to see Maria pushing herself up with a groan, avoiding putting weight on her right leg, as always. As Katarina got up to follow, she turned and added, "I have something to show you." 

 

Cassiopeia was lurking near the door; instinctively, Katarina distanced herself from her sister, putting Maria between them and watching her leerily as she approached. However, Maria shot the younger teen a shockingly nasty glare. 

"I told you not to disturb us," she growled.

"I haven't!" Cassiopeia breathed, eyes widening with innocent shock. "I just meant to ask you - " 

"You're disturbing us, right now," Maria interrupted. "Off with you." 

Then they continued on. Cassiopeia could do nothing but stare in confusion. Katarina sighed and smiled with relief, shaking her head. They left the hall and Maria led her toward the southern wing, the space occupied primarily by the parents - specifically, to her boudoir, where she bid Katarina sit before the mirror, and hobbled about preparing herself.

Maria's boudoir was sort of a place of mystery, somewhere Katarina had scarcely ever entered; she wasn't terribly familiar with most of her surrondings, various powders and vials of whatever else. But Maria easily picked her way between them, still keenly familiar. She'd never really thought about it, but being here now Katarina realized that she must have spent a lot of time in this sort of place preparing herself, before her... injury. It was just another quirk of her unusual family. 

She hadn't really picked up on it until fairly late in her childhood, but Katarina was the eldest daughter and heir of quite a peculiar family in Noxian nobility. Though many described it as the 'Noxian dream' to rise to power no matter the circumstances of your birth, actually doing so was incredibly rare - and tended to require some special circumstances. Such was the case with her father, General Marcus, who served now on High Command directly under Boram Darkwill. It was an immense honor, and afforded their family high standing and great respect. 

But his military successes alone weren't enough to grant Marcus such a high station within Noxian nobility. That came from his marriage.

Lady Maria Du Couteau was not an especially powerful or high-ranking noblewoman. She seldom spoke of her family or their history, but Katarina had picked it up from various sources - mostly Cassiopeia - growing up. Historically, the Du Couteau family were not soldiers: they were performers, dancers, artists that worked with many blades as their medium. In generations past they were Noxian idols, strong and talented and beautiful in equally transfixing measure. But since Darkwill's rise to power the Du Couteau family found themselves ostracized and underappreciated. Maria had been the last of the line left when she met Marcus. It was only because of him - and his power and success - that the Du Couteau family now stood as tall as it did... small though it was. 

"Do you still remember the first time I danced for you?" Maria asked, lowly, as she settled in beside Katarina and watching her reflection in the mirror. Katarina squirmed a little uneasily in her seat, unhappy to be so distinctly centered and in plain view. It was hard to avoid seeing herself. "No need to be so shy," her mother tutted.

Seated so close like this, Katarina could easily compare them. They looked very similar, with matching almond hair and emerald eyes, but where Katarina's hair hung about her face in a sort of matted disobedient curtain, Maria's flowed into swaying curves near its ends. Maria seemed to want to start there - taking a brush and carefully working it through Katarina's hair, bit by bit, untangling it. It wasn't like Katarina didn't try to care for it herself... it just never stayed nice for more than a few minutes, or so it felt to her. The contrast was sharp and unflattering and Katarina wished she couldn't see it. She hid under her bangs. 

"Yeah, I remember," she murmured. She felt her mother resume brushing. 

"You seemed to love it," Maria mused. "I gave you a little knife after, and you refused to let it go, even after you cut yourself some hundred times or so. To my eyes, you were a Du Couteau, through and through." 

Were, Katarina observed dryly. She bit her lip, wondering how she was supposed to respond to this. But Maria wasn't done. 

"Then, of course," she sighed, "I had to go and cripple myself..." 

"We're not supposed to talk about that," Katarina said lowly, and her mother laughed softly. At least she could still make decent jokes. 

"At the time, I was very sensitive about it," Maria continued, conversationally. She even sounded... _more_ relaxed than before, somehow. "But I've come to accept it since. Before I met your father, Katarina, it was just my mother and I, and she was too old to dance, as well. We were far from our glory days of performing in great auditoriums as a family. I was ready to give it up." 

"That's kind of sad," Katarina murmured. 

"Everything dies eventually," Maria replied nonchalantly. "As for human beings, we survive longest by adapting. Noxus is different now. The way of the Du Couteau family is to inspire and hone things that are dull, but show potential, into something greater. We did this through dance." She paused, leaning down into Katarina's field of vision. "My mother actually had it all worked out," she chuckled. "Have I ever told you what she thought of it?"

"No," Katarina said.

"She said we used knives because they represented the many weak commoners of Noxus," she purred, her eyes glittering. "Each tiny, unique blade, working together, capable of causing greater beauty and destruction than a single greataxe." She sighed and straightened up again, pulling Katarina's bangs to the side to brush through them, too; Katarina hazarded a glance up and saw that her hair was much cleaner than before, hanging around her shoulders in graceful straight lines. It looked a bit creamier in color than her mother's dark brown. "But Noxus has little appreciation for the commoner, anymore," Maria sighed. "Or for teachers, for that matter." 

"I watch the drills up at the barracks, sometimes," Katarina began. She wasn't sure why she was interjecting here, but her sentence was started now, so she had to finish. Whoops. "I, um... I often see a particular instructor, named Scrowveil, I think?" 

"Ah, you've met her," Maria chuckled. "Or seen her, at least. Rhea Scrowveil is an old friend of mine. We were quite the pair of vixens in our youth." She shifted back a bit, looking over Katarina's hair with a critical expression. "It's certainly an improvement, isn't it," she murmured. 

"I guess it is," Katarina admitted. "I..." She hesitated. She shouldn't have said anything.

"Yes?" Maria pressed, leaning in a bit. "No holding back on me, now. This is your appearance we're talking about." 

Katarina bit her lip. "I don't like the color," she admitted. 

"It doesn't look so good on you," Maria agreed, and Katarina sighed with relief. "We can dye it, if you like. Any particular color?" 

Instinctively, Katarina thought about white - Riven's hair stood out sharply in her memory. But thinking about it, it wouldn't look good on her. Instead, her focus shifted to Riven's eyes... and to the striking crimson of Rhea Scrowveil's hair, as well. 

"Red," she said, with finality.

"Ooh. Yes, that will turn out lovely." Maria smirked and set her brush aside, digging around on some desk for something else. "When you were small, I had hope that maybe you'd grow up to be a dancer like me... Ah." She pulled back with a small collection of vials and flasks, which she laid out before Katarina, shuffling back closer and smiling tiredly into her expression. "But I don't think that was ever going to be you," she sighed. "Look at how shy you are. You'd hate to be the center of attention on a stage somewhere, right?"

Katarina bit her lip and looked away. 

"With people like me and Cassiopeia," Maria continued gently, "we accentuate our beauty to draw in the eye, make us look appealing. But for you... a different approach is called for. Eyes up." Katarina reluctantly looked into the mirror again. Maria was smirking, eyes lidded, gleeful and eager; it was a rather shocking expression on her, given how curt and moody she often was. "Every once in a while," Maria purred, looking aside again to fetch something else, "I would take a much more threatening, mysterious appearance - for certain occasions and performances and all. And I think that's much more what you need."

"Threatening," Katarina repeated, lowly. Her mind went back to Riven's gorgeous, piercing red eyes. She was both beautiful _and_ threatening. Could she ever look that way...?

"Yes." She grinned. "Just relax. You'll see." 

 

She pulled Katarina's chair away from the mirror, to a different part of the room where she had a specialized sink for washing hair in. Leaning back and allowing Maria to just work on her hair was soothing in some way that Katarina couldn't place, but she found it very calming, and closed her eyes, hands clasped in her lap, just... waiting, vaguely anxious but deeply curious about whatever it was her mother was going to do. In spite of her nerves, she still had the same sense of safety that came from sitting with her in the clearing. It was just them, and Maria clearly had no interest in judging her or berating her failures. Katarina could relax here.

"Your father and I argued at one point, when you were _very_ young," Maria sighed, "about what we ought to do with you. I wanted to teach you to dance... and he wanted to teach you to fight." Katarina could tell she was applying something to her hair - not just washing it. "We agreed that you'd pick whatever path suited you best. If we tried to push you one way or another... you might wind up miserable, or worse. 

"So, when you got to be old enough, I danced for you a couple times, so you could see what it was like. And your father took you out to see his unit sparring. You seemed equally taken with both, but you asked your father first if you could learn to fight. I was, understandably, rather disappointed." She sighed heavily. Katarina shifted in her seat. 

"But I didn't - " she frowned. "That's not..."

"You didn't know it was a contest," Maria chuckled. "You were just following your heart, and I'm glad for that. And it turns out that I did leave an impression on you after all. You wanted to learn to use knives, like me. So... to the best of his ability, he taught you, and to help him teach you, I taught him." 

Katarina gasped. "I've been learning from you this whole time then," she breathed. "Indirectly, at least. How devious!"

"A mother always gets her way," Maria purred. "But, no, he asked me, of course. Knives were not his weapon of choice, so to be the teacher you needed, he had a lot of learning to do. And I turned my attention to your sister, and tried to convince her instead... but... well, she's a handful for her own reasons." 

"I never would have guessed," Katarina laughed. "All this time you should have been my instructor!" 

"Well," Maria sighed, "I wouldn't have had much to teach, after this damned leg injury, I'm afraid. Your father and his comrades can teach you to be a fantastic assassin. That's something I cannot teach."

"I'm more than an assassin," Katarina huffed. "I'm a Du Couteau. Any assassin can stick a blade in a man's gut and call it a day. I wanted to be like _you._ "

Maria was quiet. Water ran against Katarina's hair unimpeded for a few moments. She wondered for a moment if she'd said something wrong, and waited breathlessly for some response, or reprimand. But it didn't come. 

After that pause, Maria resumed her work - and shortly after that the water stopped, and Katarina felt something hot running through her hair, drying it. Then, she moved Katarina back to the mirror, but had her face away from it, and instead applied whatever she was applying directly, while Katarina continued to wonder just what was being done to her. Maria coated her face in some sort of powder, then added accents of a different color to around her cheeks and neck; then she delicately traced something along the borders of her eyes, silently instructing Katarina with a firm gaze to stay completely still. She seemed focused. Determined. Katarina couldn't convince herself that she wasn't angry, but... this wasn't usually what angry Maria was like. If anything, she even seemed... excited.

"I've taken some liberties," Maria murmured, as she pulled back and gestured for Kat to turn; holding her breath, Katarina obeyed. 

For a moment, she didn't recognize herself, and she felt a wave of heat pass through her chest - the same reaction she'd gotten as Riven had approached her. Most strikingly different was her hair; it hung down in obedient lines, framing her face, shrouding herself behind curtained bangs. No longer was it her mother's warm, soothing brown; it was an even more vibrant, shocking red than she had expected, like the color of blood. 

But what lie beneath her hair was just as impressive. Her face looked so angular and stark, with smooth colors and shadows accenting her shape, and her eyes... she picked out the black outline underneath them, but the immediate effect was that her eyes looked sharp, vicious, piercing. She flashed them in the mirror at herself, and the burst of emerald shocked her on sight.

"You seem pleased," Maria said lowly, smirking. 

"It's perfect," Katarina breathed, her lips curling into a faint smile. "I love it."

"That's good," her mother sighed. "I'll have to teach you to dye it yourself, then. But it'll keep for a few weeks as is, at least." She gestured back towards the door, her face falling and smile fading. "Now, go on," she ordered. "I've done all I can for one night. You need to rest up for your training in the morning, don't you?" 

"R-Right." Katarina stiffened a little, too, standing up to face her again. But Maria's expression was unreadable. "Um... th-thank you, Mother."

Maria's lips curled up for just a moment. "Thank you, Katarina," she replied softly. "Off with you now." 

 

The next morning, Katarina rose bright and early for her training, as always. She spent a little extra time preening her hair; it was still that fantastic shade of bright red, but she struggled to straighten and untangle it as effectively as her mother had. Her eyeliner had smeared, too, and with a sigh of disappointment she wiped it away, vowing to put it back on again as soon as she came home - even she had to steal it from someone else in the house.

There came a knock at the door; Katarina poked her head out to meet one of the family servants, who informed her that her instructors were changing her schedule, and that today her lessons would take place in the courtyard of the estate, rather than the academy barracks at the summit. Katarina asked what the hell happened, but the servant didn't seem to know, and left her to wonder. Confused and intrigued, she finished her preparations with haste, before dashing out to the courtyard, trying to pick out the shape that waited for her there. 

It wasn't her father - no coat, and much too small. It was too small, in fact, to be any of her other instructors. It was a silhouette she distinctly recognized, even though she had never seen it out here before.

She slowed as she approached, eyes widening with shock. Maria turned slowly to face her, stonefaced as ever, dressed in leathers Katarina had never seen her wear before. "Good morning," she intoned coldly, but her eyes blazed with an unfamiliar excitement and warmth. "Starting today, Katarina, you will be learning a new skill from me directly."

"Okay," Katarina said breathlessly, beginning to bounce on her heels, grinning with shocked delight.

"What I teach you, it will be your responsibility to keep secret," Maria continued, inclining her head. "And it will be your responsibility to pass it on to your heirs. It is the family secret of the Du Couteau, the heart and soul of our dance, and soon it will be the heart and soul of your fighting style." She smiled wryly, and her eyes glittered in the morning sun. "Starting today, I will teach you the art of shunpo."


	2. Chapter 2

Power comes from your hips, not your arm. 

Rotation comes from momentum, not your wrists.

Precision comes from your eyes, not your fingers. 

Everything in Katarina's body flowed together when she threw. It was a glorious feeling, when she took the time to really savor it; a symphony of practice and instinct all coming down to a single delicate action that could take so many shapes. In this case, the throw was high, angled roughly to the left to catch the wind above the trees, and she saw the knife glinting against the pale sky for just a moment, matching the arc she had hoped for exactly. Then, she turned her eyes to its target: a stump, roughly fifty yards away. She had carefully picked out this location for her training because she could easily see her four target points in a straight line through the trees, as if it had been cleared out for a path that had never been laid. 

She couldn't hear it, but she saw the knife land point-down on its mark - though, a few inches off-center, to Katarina's disappointment. Still, she heard Lux gasp behind her, and she turned and grinned. "I told you," she said smugly, delighted to have impressed her companion. 

Lux stared at the stump, and then at her, in disbelief. "That's - " She shook her head, bewildered. "That's so far to throw! And at that angle... That has to be a fluke!"

"Hand me another one and I'll do it again," Katarina cooed. Lux promptly turned and knelt down by Katarina's pile of sheathed knives, and handed one to her, as if this had been an actual request - but Katarina was happy to take the challenge, drawing it and rearing back... pausing to feel out the positioning of her arm, her legs, her fingers on the hilt... and then throwing. She matched her arc exactly, and a couple of seconds later it landed blade-down in the stump, across from the first. 

"That _can't_ be," Lux breathed, in wonder. "How...?" 

"A LOT of practice," Katarina sighed, rolling her shoulders and smirking down at the smaller girl. "My dad liked to say that an amateur practices until he can make the throw, but a master practices until she can't miss." 

"Yes, I've heard that adage," Lux agreed. "How long have you been learning to do this?"

"Since I was - six?" Katarina braced against the tree beside them, taking the opportunity to stretch her legs a bit more. She was a bit antsy to get started, honestly, but she understood that they were having a conversation now, and she wanted to respect that. It had been a long time since she'd spoken to anyone as innocently curious and fascinated with her as Lux was, and... even though Katarina wasn't really one for long talks... it was... fun. "My mom kinda introduced me to the idea," Katarina continued, her voice faintly strained by her own effort. "So I had dad teach me how to throw, and they saw I was really good at it and decided to train me as an assassin."

"As a six year old?" Lux's voice was incredulous.

"Noxians start pretty early," Katarina replied. She understood she was not supposed to ask for Lux's perspective. She would give it if she wanted to; if Katarina asked, she risked closing Lux off and making her angry. She didn't want that. 

"I suppose, thinking about it, I began my training at a very early age, too," Lux murmured thoughtfully. There it was. "But I'm sorry, we came out here for a reason, didn't we?" Katarina turned, and Lux was smiling pleasantly, her eyes shining and her little stopwatch clutched in her hand. 

"Yeah." Katarina stood straight again, and turned to face her impromptu track. "Let me know when you're ready."

"How fast of a time should I be expecting here?" Lux shuffled around to Katarina's side, leaning into her field of view. "I know your technique is very fast, but...?"

"Well, ideally, under a second," Katarina huffed. 

"So... a bit of a blink and I'll miss it situation." 

"Ideally."

"Right." She heard Lux take a deep breath beside her, and step back once; she focused her eyes on the first knife, planted in a tree branch just a few meters away, readying herself to teleport. "Three, two, one... go." 

Katarina vanished. In an instant, she was in midair, hand outstretched and reaching for the knife above her. As her fingers closed around it, she felt a surge of energy flood her, and she bolted away again, on to the second knife. When you run quickly, the air rushes past you and it fills you with a thrill and a sense of movement, but shunpo didn't do that - Katarina felt as though she were passing through a void, an emptiness, to reach the next space untouched. It was always accompanied by a strange and sickening vertigo, and her brain struggled to process the sudden movement... hence, the massive headaches that always came after.

But her mother had taught her a way to center herself using blades she had thrown in advance. The vertigo and headaches were a common problem. An advanced dancer could refresh themselves by staying centered, and keep the dance going. So the point here was not to move as fast as possible... but to _recover_ as fast as possible. 

When she touched the third dagger, she felt like a melting rod of iron that icewater had just been poured onto; she grit her teeth lunged into the darkness one last time, reaching out for the final checkpoint - collapsing atop the stump and catching herself on the two knives planted in it, gasping for breath. The energy from the blades flowed through her, providing a few brief seconds of relief, but they only thinly veiled the total suffering that awaited her moments later, and sure enough... when it ended, she blacked out. 

She came to crumpled beside her knives, almost curled around them, her head in searing agony. Groaning, she tried to lift herself up enough to see where Lux was, but the movement made her vision swim and she quickly lowered herself to rest again. She felt a hand on her shoulder - Lux was already here, then? 

"You back with me?" Yes, that was her. The poor girl's voice was shaking. "What happened?"

"Head hurts," Kat grunted. 

"Teleporting multiple times induces headaches? Migraines?" Lux leaned in, speaking more quietly. "Where on your head does it hurt?"

"Yes." 

"That's not - everywhere?"

"Yes." 

"Right. Ah. Hm." There was a pause; Katarina took the opportunity to try to sit up again. Having a moment to lay down and keep her eyes closed had helped; she was able to sit upright and blearily open her eyes, staring levelly at the horizon, blinking - once - twice... clearing the blurriness away, steadying herself... "This isn't really your training, is it?" Lux circled around into her field of view, arms folded crossly, though Kat couldn't really see her expression clearly yet. "If you knock yourself out after four jumps that's - well, impractical, for one, but isn't it also very dangerous?"

"I told you," Katarina sighed, closing her eyes again. "This is just a... like... a baseline. A test run. If I can go this fast without passing out then I'm getting better." 

"Generally, people don't _start_ by overexerting themselves," Lux said sourly. 

"Yeah?" Kat growled. "I didn't know you knew so much about training."

Lux hesitated. "I do, actually," she murmured, sounding hurt. "But I can take a hint."

"W-Wait, no." Kat looked up again. The world was still harsh and unsteady, but she could see Lux more clearly now, who had turned partway away and was glaring back from just under her blonde bangs, her bright eyes shimmering. Katarina winced. "Look," she sighed, "my head hurts a _lot_ , I didn't mean for that to sound so... uh... mean."

"Yeah," Lux mumbled. 

"I just... I dunno. I'm sorry."

Lux nodded. She took a deep breath, and straightened a little. "Yeah," she sighed. "Um... your time." She glanced down at her watch. "One-point-fifteen."

"Damn." Katarina shook her head slowly. "I'm out of practice." She made to clamber off of the stump, carefully pushing herself upright. The headache always faded fairly quickly, and she was already starting to feel pretty steady again. Lux came to her side, trying to offer support; instinctively, Kat might've brushed her off, but... 

"I was very worried about you," Lux muttered. Katarina wrinkled her nose. "What? Is that so strange?"

"I guess I didn't really process it as something to worry about," Katarina muttered, thinking quickly. She was learning that there were lots of gaps in her thinking and knowledge that made understanding Lux almost impossible, but at least recognizing that they're there was helping. "Shunpo has always been one of the hardest techniques I've ever had to train."

"Hardest because it knocks you out?" Now it was Lux's turn to look confused. "It sounds potentially very dangerous." 

"Lots of things we do are dangerous." Katarina smirked. "You don't get to be good with knives without cutting yourself a few times."

"I suppose not," Lux agreed softly. 

They were briefly quiet again. At this point, Katarina had recovered completely; she straightened up, and Lux - as though waiting to be dismissed - shuffled back hurriedly, brushing out her little coat. Katarina watched her for a few seconds; she had such a foreign image to her, an appearance that you'd never see in Noxus, that Katarina had never really thought closely about until getting to be so close to her. She looked soft and gentle and approachable. She had a wide smile - when she chose to wear it - and bright, luminous eyes. In Noxus, a person like her would be seen as childish and naive, little more than an easy mark. But Lux was clearly quite a bit stronger than that. 

But... she spent so much time looking so downcast, now. Overburdened. She reminded Katarina distinctly of someone she cared for, but didn't really want to think about. 

"You alright?" Kat murmured. She felt guilty asking, because she knew what Lux was going to do: she straightened up, chewed her lip for a moment, and then turned and looked up at Katarina and flashed her that big smile and said: 

"Yeah, I'm alright." 

Her voice sounded better - back to its usual range, its singsong pitch. Her steps became a bit springier. But to just bounce back so suddenly when asked... Katarina didn't trust it. "Are you sure?" she pressed. "I... don't want to pry, I just..."

"I was very worried about you," Lux huffed indignantly, turning to face her while waking sideways, folding her arms and pouting. "Don't do anything stupid like that again, okay? Especially not just for the sake of your training. Save the dangerous stuff for when we're actually on the field!" 

"On the field," Katarina repeated lowly. Lux, who had resumed smiling, faltered. 

"Well, yeah," she mumbled. "You know what I mean!" 

"I guess so," Kat sighed, looking forward again. She could make Lux _sound_ better, but every time she did, she worried she was actually just pushing Lux further and further away. 

 

It was week two of their extended stay at the Institute. Snowdown had ended last week; the various dignitaries and representatives of Noxus and Demacia had officially returned home. But Katarina was growing more and more anxious with each passing day. They should've been allowed to leave by now - technically they were "under arrest", but that was just a technicality of the laws of international asylum. 

They had talked over their plan briefly before actually requesting sanctuary, but in the hours and days after gone over it again and again extensively. Once they'd requested asylum from the Institute, their case was officially within the realm and jurisdiction of international law. Lux hadn't broken international law, so Demacia had no grounds on which to contest her release; she was only in danger if she returned there, and she absolutely did not intend to do that (though she was tellingly silent about where she _did_ intend to go). Katarina, meanwhile, may be subject to some trivial trespassing offense, but to prove that much - let alone anything more severe - would involve the Black Rose opening its affairs into official investigation... which they would obviously never do. As such, Leblanc had no choice but to allow Katarina's release as well, and Noxian "law enforcement", such as it was, was not about to try to incarcerate one of Noxus' most talented and dangerous assassins. Katarina had virtual immunity.

But the whole process should have been over within a week. 

Now, dragging into the end of the second, with no further news... Katarina was certainly nervous. And Lux's confusing state of mind wasn't helping at all. The girl flipped repeatedly and without warning between excitable, optimistic, and indomitable, and being a silent, brooding recluse. Much of Lux's time, one way or another, was spent in one of the Institute's grand libraries, where she had at one point cheerfully explained that she was researching magic she'd never had a chance to look into during her education. 

Normally, when Katarina felt nervous, she'd train. Jitters worked themselves out when you're pushing your body to its limit. But for the last several weeks Katarina just hadn't gotten anything out of knife-throwing; it was a phase that came in and out for her, of being satisfied with her technique and... well... not satisfied. And being satisfied as she was now wasn't always good. It meant her attention turned to shunpo, which she was nowhere _close_ to mastering, namely because it was almost impossible for her to actually train without knocking herself out. Too many runs in one day and she could barely think, even if her headache went away. As she had once said in a shunpo-induced stupor to her mother, "Magic is some hard shit."

Back home she'd patrol. That was a good mix; it was a way for her to stretch, to practice her shunpo, and to space out her practice so that it didn't overwhelm her. And if she got tired, she could relax her pace and think, enjoying the silence of the Noxian rooftops where only the most acrobatic of thieves and misfits could reach, and among them she was sovereign. But here she felt nervous about being out of the building for long; there wasn't as much blocking visibility to the roof and she was far more likely to be spotted during the day. So instead, she would pace around the library where Lux was working. At first she'd worried she was distracting, but Lux seemed to enjoy the ambient noise, so Katarina tried not to worry about it. Through this, she got to see Lux work, and to ask questions from time to time, if the girl was in the mood for it. 

Today, Lux settled back into her moodiness fairly quickly, which didn't really surprise Katarina - in fact, it kind of struck her as a relief. For a while after entering, she was quiet, just pacing around, absentmindedly inspecting the bookshelves, counting the red books, the blue books, the paperbacks, the hard covers. But at length, she chose to approach. Lux's little desk setup was quite extravagant, and strewn all around her were countless paper scraps and parchment rolls all intricately marked, some in her handwriting, others in foreign writing. Dimly, the Demacian glanced up, wordlessly asking what she wanted. 

"Uh." Katarina realized she didn't really know. "Am - am I bugging you?"

"No," Lux said softly. "Are you alright? You seem a little distraught." 

Kat's brow knitted - Lux sure seemed more distraught by miles - but sensing an opening nonetheless she sat down hesitantly across from her, and Lux scooted around to face her. "I'm worried about the length of our stay," Kat murmured. "We should have been released by now."

Lux nodded slowly. "I'm worried about it too," she sighed. Saying that seemed to draw something out of her; she took a deep breath and sighed it out again, this time shivering a bit. "Ah," she mumbled, shakily; she rolled her shoulders and straightened up, looking toward the ceiling, eyes closed, breathing deeply. 

"Um...?" 

"Sorry," Lux murmured. When she opened her eyes again, she was smiling brilliantly, like before. "Just calming down," she offered cheerfully. "We should definitely discuss this."

Kat narrowed her eyes for a moment. She had kind of guessed what Lux was doing when she... flipped modes, like that. But she hadn't really expected Lux to just say it so openly as if there was nothing weird about it. Either way, she supposed, not a conversation for just then. "I don't really have much to discuss," she admitted. "I just don't like it." 

Lux nodded sagely. "It's ominous," she agreed; she had an odd "low" voice in her cheerful mode, where she was clearly not speaking in her lower register and instead was just acting, trying to sound like she was trying to sound serious. It was kind of dizzying. "But until we have more information, there isn't much we can do about it, right? Are you certain that the Black Rose would be unwilling to conduct a formal investigation with the Institute?"

"It seems out of character for them," Kat murmured, "but..."

"Seems," Lux repeated darkly. "Hm. That's not terribly inspiring, given how things are going." 

"What about you?" Katarina added. "Are you sure you haven't broken some international law somehow?"

"If there is a law against traveling to Noxus during Snowdown," Lux said airily, "I would like very much to see it."

"If nothing else," Kat observed, "you were caught trespassing _with_ me."

"Well... yes." Lux tented her fingers and leaned forward, her eyes narrowing. "But it would be an absurd waste of effort and resources to open an investigation into such a trivial offense unless the Black Rose were willing to wholly cooperate. And though I felt comfortable assuming that they wouldn't, at the time... with every passing day that feels less and less like a safe assumption."

Katarina was quiet. She didn't have anything else to say about it, and after a moment of watching her expectantly, Lux sighed briskly and nodded, leaning back. "Yes, I suppose there's not much more to say," she mumbled distractedly. 

"I more just meant, um." Katarina cleared her throat. "You - you seem nervous." 

"Do I?" Lux asked, innocently, raising her eyebrows. Katarina's surprise and hesitation faded into the background. _Why are you looking at me like that? Of course you do!_

"Yeah," she said quietly, "didn't you just have to like - do some meditation and calm yourself down just now, when I asked about it?"

"I'm... sorry," Lux said slowly, giving her a blank look. "Is that... strange...?" Katarina hesitated, considering her words, but Lux drew herself up a little, now looking agitated. "I can't seem to please you," she huffed. "When I'm trying my best to show that I'm feeling well, you only seem to get more suspicious of me. As if I have something to hide from you."

"It does feel like you're hiding something from me, though," Katarina protested. "When - when you and I first, uh..." Fuck. She felt her cheeks growing red, and looked away, hoping to hide her blush behind her hair. "Out there," she started again, "you let yourself be scared, and I - I liked that because I knew when there was something I could do to... be helpful. But now you close off whenever I ask if something's wrong."

"No I don't," Lux countered, automatically. Too fast. Katarina looked over, surprised. "I mean," Lux added - her eyes were wide, and she looked rather surprised herself. "I - well, obviously, I get a little nervous, same as anyone, I... I just think you're reading too much into me, that's all. I'm fine!"

"You sound nervous right now," Kat pointed out.

"I'm not!" Lux's voice jumped up in pitch, and she smiled way too brightly. "I'm totally fine! Just - just chatting, with you, my new friend! Right?"

"You're acting very strange," Kat said, slowly. "Just - take a deep breath, and - "

"I'm not acting strange!" Lux cried. "You're asking strange questions! You're being strange! Just - let me - let me be! I'm fine!" 

Katarina stopped. For a moment, she stared, but she realized that was probably only going to agitate her more, so she looked away, towards the library's entrance. They were both silent; Katarina could hear Lux breathing fast, and as she listened, she heard the girl calm down, slowly. 

"What was I just saying?" Lux whispered. 

Oh, no.

"Hey, listen," Kat said hastily, looking back in her direction. "I - I don't want to upset you or anything either. If you just need space...?"

"That might be helpful," Lux admitted, her voice shaking. She was staring into the table before her now, holding up her forehead in one hand. "I... I'm really sorry, Katarina, I don't... I don't know what came over me."

"It's fine," Katarina promised. "Do you want to talk?"

Slowly, she shook her head. "I think... I think I just need... things to be quiet... for a little while."

"Do you want me to leave?"

Even more slowly she nodded. "I'm sorry," she breathed. "I'll... I'll be back tonight, okay?"

"Just relax," Katarina said softly, doing her best to sound reassuring. "If I can help by leaving, then I'll leave. No big deal. We'll talk when you're doing better, okay?"

"Yeah." Lux looked up dimly; she looked vulnerable, the light in her eyes faint and weak, but even still that was a relief to Katarina just because it looked _right._ "You relax too," she added, more firmly. "It doesn't do us good to both be stressed out."

"Yeah." Kat smiled. "See you tonight."

 

So, on the one hand, that helped soothe Katarina's nerves considerably - sure, their problems hadn't gotten any better and they weren't any closer to any kind of a solution, but at least Lux wasn't acting as weird. And now the more that she thought about that, the more she wondered why she felt better, and, well, great, now she felt nervous again. This wasn't terribly helpful.

Either way, she knew she ought to stay out of Lux's hair. So, she went outside for a bit and did another - slower - shunpo run, just trying to draw out more comfort from the knives that she placed instead of rushing by them as quickly as possible. She wished she'd gotten to learn more about this whole "centering" thing, but her mother's lessons had been somewhat... cut short... when Katarina's father disappeared. In those days, everything had taken a back seat to finding him, and - that hadn't ever really stopped. But Maria...

She wasn't going to make much progress in one evening, no matter what. So she teleported up the side of the building that she and Lux were staying in. In the distance, outside another building, there was a crowd of people with torches and probably pitchforks; she glared at them, confused and disquieted by their presence. Despite that, being on top of a building made her more comfortable. She wasn't likely to be spotted up here. She relished the isolation and peace she found being out of sight like this. It was in no small part how she survived her adolescence. So, in need of some quiet time, she sat at the crown of the roof and looked at the stars, ignoring the distant commotion. 

She remembered one of the last times she'd done this, back in Noxus - just a few months ago. Talon had been on the roof with her, and he'd said something dumb and sentimental about stars. What was it? _"If the wrong person was looking at us now, they'd think it was romantic."_ She smirked. That was probably about as affectionate as Talon got. She loved him, frankly. When they'd first met they both despised and distrusted each other - but both seemed equally relieved that this reaction was mutual, and they built up a respect and trust over time by working together under a common General. Anymore, he was one of the only people Katarina was willing to rely on. And the fact that he proved himself trustworthy to Katarina spoke volumes of his respect for her, as well. 

She wondered if Lux wanted to see the stars. Maybe that would put her mind at ease a little. 

At that thought, she grinned. That'd be... cute, and romantic, right? Talon said so, but then again - she chuckled to herself, thinking about it; it wasn't like Talon was an especially good judge of what made a moment cute and/or romantic. But Katarina felt kinda gushy sitting up here, didn't she? Enough to reminisce. So hell, maybe it was worth a shot. Katarina doubted she made a good friend/mentor/confidant/maybe lover/it's complicated, but she would never let _anyone_ say she didn't put her heart into it. 

Now excited and determined, she picked her way down to a balcony she liked to sneak in from, and swept back to the library. But when she arrived, she didn't see Lux; she saw an elderly man she did not recognize. He wore mage's robes and a mantle that decorated him as a Demacian dignitary, but also a member of the Institute. As Katarina entered, he turned to face her, and she glared at him, wondering with distant but razor concern if Lux was alright. 

"Can I help you?" she said icily.

"Ah." He smiled; he had a warm expression, but it was also laced with a sort of bitterness that made that impression of kindness difficult to trust. "Katarina Du Couteau, is it? I thought I would find you or Luxanna here. I have a matter of some importance to discuss." 

"Get on with it, then," Katarina intoned, leaning backwards against the doorframe. "I'll relay it to Lux." She doubted that Lux had actually left the room; this way, they could both hear, and if Lux wanted to intervene, she could... on her own terms. It was a courtesy she and Talon had extended each other in tense conversations in the past. 

"Very well." He took a deep breath, and took a few hobbling steps to approach, though he stayed quite a respectable distance away. "I am Councilor Hubert Whitmond, a member of the judiciary staff of the Institute," he explained. "I have volunteered to act on the behalf of your legal defense. The Institute is forming an official investigation against you and Luxanna." 

Katarina's jaw dropped. This couldn't be happening. The councilor, meanwhile, nodded gravely with a sour smile. 

"I recall clearly that when you arrived here, you expected the possibility of being put on trial to be very remote," he sighed. "I offer my condolences that it has come to pass nonetheless." 

"How did this happen?" Katarina demanded, stepping forward again. "We were supposed to have been released almost a week ago, weren't we?"

His smile faded, and his voice became grim and commanding. "On behalf of High Command, Emilia Leblanc has pressed charges against you in opposition of your asylum," he intoned. "She has followed due process to open international investigation into her accusations against you." 

"What accusations?" Katarina snapped, incredulously. "What does she think I've done wrong?"

"You stand accused of treason and the theft of vital national intelligence," he responded, without missing a beat. "Such charges are so severe in nature that the Institute cannot in good faith ignore them. A breach in national security at this level endangers international peace, and we cannot allow that." 

Katarina stared at him, dumbfounded. It took her a few seconds to fully process the gravity of this. Their assumption had been that Leblanc wouldn't be willing to open Noxus up to investigation, but that assumption didn't hold if the charges against Katarina were so severe that the Institute would go out of their way to conduct that investigation, regardless of Noxian cooperation. She knew, from her own time working with the Institute, that something like this would be treated as an emergency. They would stop at nothing.

"For now, I just wanted to warn you," he finished, with a heavy sigh. "I will be in touch before any legal proceedings take place. As your defense representative, I am committed to restoring your good names as soon as possible. So -- "

"What is the punishment?"

Poor Hubert jumped and whirled around; Katarina started, too, too spaced out to realize Lux had emerged from the bookshelves behind them. One hand held the bookshelf beside her while the other was curled into a fist at her side, and her eyes were narrow but sharp and glaring, lips tight. It was a very... vulnerable, but powerful look. Arresting. Katarina felt her breath catch. 

"For that, Katarina would be executed," Lux repeated, her voice low and dark. "Right?" 

"Yes, that's correct," Hubert sighed. "Oh, gods, Luxanna, you did startle me. I trust you caught everything, then...?"

"What about me?" 

"Well, you, ah. You are being treated as an accomplice," Hubert stammered. "Which would lead to the same punishment, if you were found guilty." 

Lux did not respond. Or move. Katarina's heart sank. Distantly she might have found some relief in the idea that at least one of them was out of danger... but now, that wasn't possible. 

"Well," Hubert continued, "That's all I needed to say, so... I will leave you to your privacy for the evening. I'll be in touch." Slowly, he hobbled his way out, as Katarina carefully stepped to the side to allow him past. It felt like it took him a full thirty seconds before the door was finally shut and they were alone again.

 

They looked at each other. Lux wilted under her gaze. 

"As you can see," she mumbled, "I'm not feeling any better."

"After that, I'm not feeling great, myself," Katarina conceded weakly. In that moment she remembered why she'd come back downstairs in the first place, but... she wasn't even sure it was a good idea anymore. If nothing else, there was that crowd that she had seen from the roof, and now she wondered if for some reason it was related to all of this... probably not a good thing for Lux to see just then. 

In the meantime, Lux gingerly approached her, hugging herself and avoiding Katarina's eye. "I don't think I'm going to get anything else done tonight," she sighed. "Is it alright if we turn in early?" 

"Sure." As Lux reached her, she hesitantly reached out, and Katarina hesitantly clasped her hand. It still felt a little awkward for her. But she tried her best. Now hand-in-hand, they began the walk back. Silently. Slowly. 

"They're going to separate us," Lux murmured. Katarina blinked. 

"Ah, you do have your own room here, I suppose," Katarina muttered. "Do you mean... like... house arrest?" Lux nodded. "I'd like to see them try, honestly." 

Lux shook her head firmly. "It's too dangerous," she breathed. "And for no gain. It's best we just go along with it."

"Why?" Katarina squeezed her hand. "How can you say it's for no gain...? I don't want to speak for you, but... it's hard to imagine you holding up well on your own for weeks..."

"What, you think I'm weak?" Lux hissed, whirling to glare at her. "You think I can't take care of myself?!"

"N-No," Katarina stammered, shifting back slightly - she let go of Lux's hand, and Lux folded her arms snappily. "No, I mean - you just don't seem like somebody that - I don't know, don't you like having someone to bounce ideas off of, or - "

But as Katarina was bumbling through her justification, Lux's eyes grew wide and her arms relaxed. "Wait. No. What - what did I just...?" She shook her head and stepped forward again, shakily, grabbing at Katarina's wrist to hold her hand again. "No, ignore me," she insisted. "Don't listen to me." 

Katarina didn't know what to say, and Lux kept walking, so... for just a moment, they continued in silence. Then...

"What is wrong with me?" Lux whispered. 

Katarina started to reply, but oh gods did every sentence that came to mind sound just _awful._ _I dunno? You would know better than me? Nah nothing's wrong?_ Yeah, right. Better just to keep your stupid mouth shut, as usual, Kat. 

"I'm sorry I keep putting you through this," she sighed. "I... I'm not myself. But then, I guess I don't really know what... that... _is_."

"What... what is?" Katarina asked hesitantly. No, you idiot, mouth _shut!_

Lux's eyes narrowed, and she didn't answer. After a moment, she looked up again. Not angry, not sunny and cheerful. Just... very sad. Very weak, just like she had been when she was curled up in the Du Couteau manor a few weeks ago. "Katarina," she asked softly. "Who... am I, to you?"

_I dunno_ , came the immediate response, but Katarina angrily swallowed it. Think, you idiot. She couldn't hold Lux's gaze as she thought, so she looked away - but that made her look hesitant or shy or something, so she tried to fix her gaze forward, or on something nearby, but it was just a barren hallway and there wasn't much to look at, and she hadn't made any progress actually thinking of an answer. You're great at this, Kat! Keep it up! 

"I don't know," she said faintly, after a moment. _No, you idiot!_ "I mean," she gasped, hastily, "it's just... I didn't know you especially well before... all this happened. So I'm still getting to know you, too, you know?" 

"Ah." Lux smiled bitterly. "I suppose that's true." 

"Were you asking in like... a relationship sense, or...?" Katarina gestured vaguely, as if that somehow made her point better, because she was terrible at talking. God she hated herself sometimes. 

"If that's easier to answer, that works," Lux offered. 

"Well, it's not, is kind of the thing." She laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, her face growing hot. Oh boy was she ever blowing this. Here she was with Lux actively trying to seek comfort and help from her, asking her pretty straightforward questions, and she was just too much of a wreck to come up with any kind of answer. "I guess - I guess that we're... well, I mean, we share a room, and we - we do couple stuff sometimes, so..."

"But you aren't sure about me." Lux's voice sounded a bit disappointed.

"W-Well - " Katarina waved her hands hastily. "No, I mean, it's - it's not you I'm not - okay, well, maybe I don't know you very well, but..." She trailed off, turning away; her cheeks were surely bright red now, and for some reason she was having some kind of weird adrenaline rush that made it hard to think. Not like being able to think had been helping her before, but at this point there was clearly no reason to even try. She hid behind the palm of her hand, sighing angrily. "Never mind," she grumbled. "Sorry I can't - I can't answer, because I'm an idiot, or something."

Lux laughed. At first, Katarina cringed at the sound, but it wasn't anything like... the laugh she had been expecting. It was joyful and earnest and surprised. And as she looked up, Lux let out a cry of playful alarm, and dashed in to wrap an arm around Katarina's shoulders, smiling into her face. "You're okay," she giggled. "I'm sorry to stress you out. You don't have to answer right away." 

_But you're... not... feeling... good?_ Even in her head, the protest felt wrong. Lux looked so happy, all of a sudden. Not the weird fake cheerful happy, either, not the kind that made her eyes flat and falsely bright; there was still a faint bitterness in her, somewhere, like the smile her mother would give when she was proud or relieved. She hadn't seen a smile like that in a very long time, actually, and... 

No. _NO._ Not now. This is not the time for that. 

"Are you alright?" Lux's expression turned to concern. "Really, Katarina, I'm sorry," she added sincerely, bunching up her hands over her chest. "You don't need to worry yourself with my... crisis, or whatever it is. I know you aren't really one for words, and... I know you have a lot on your mind, too." 

"Yeah," Katarina mumbled, but she wasn't glad to be given reprieve here. It mostly felt like her failure was being excused... which she would rather that it wasn't. She should be punished for failing until she learned not to fail anymore. 

"I'm happy to talk about anything that's bothering you," Lux offered, hopefully. Katarina felt a growing pressure in her head at just the idea, and didn't respond. "A-Any time I seem approachable, at least," she added, darkly. "I... I don't know what's going on with me, but..."

"I'll keep that in mind," Katarina sighed. She felt Lux's eyes on her for a few moments after, and tried to resist the urge to hide from them. 

"We can share the bed again tonight, right?" Lux asked quietly. Katarina nodded. "Okay. I know it's silly, but I... don't want you out of my sight. I'll worry too much." 

"That, at least, we can agree on," Katarina replied lowly, carefully tightening her grip on Lux's hand, and Lux squeezed hers back firmly. But they said no more that evening.


	3. Chapter 3

Another week passed. Lux seemed, outwardly, to be a bit more stressed. She spoke less often, and stared past her books or into the depths of the library more. Katarina was able to get them outside for fresh air a few times; Lux rarely talked during their outings, but she smiled a little more, and her hand felt warm and alive in Katarina's. 

Then - as Lux had predicted - they were separated, and guards were posted outside their doors. And as Katarina had promised, she refused to let it get between them. She slipped out of her room and pinned a blade against the guard's neck, and whispered to him that he wasn't paid enough to stop her, and he weakly agreed and allowed her to go. Within a few days of that she felt she had something of an arrangement: she would return at the end of the night guards' shifts, and they wouldn't say anything, or else she would massacre the lot of them. It was a very Noxian arrangement. She liked it that way.

She and Lux had already planned on switching to a nocturnal sleep cycle, to make their secret meetings a little easier. Lux continued to study in her room, and Katarina would sit with her, and they might talk... or they might not. Most of the time they didn't. Kat didn't really mind; it wasn't like she was missing anything else that she would do in her own room, and this way, she was around to keep Lux company, which she seemed to dearly appreciate. 

Hubert came to see them again on sunset of the seventh day - Katarina's guard woke her and informed her it was time for legal counsel, so they were in the same room for it. He explained the fairly boring legal procedures surrounding the investigation, the most important part of which seemed to be that they were not expected to actually show up in court, as a precaution against outside tampering through enchantments or anything similar. The Institute was to hold court only with trusted and protected individuals. 

"Finally, Katarina," he sighed, turning to face her at the table; she perked up, as this was the first time he had referred to her directly, rather than the both of them. A glance over at Lux revealed that the girl was terribly exhausted. She wondered how much sleep Lux was getting; to appease their little arrangement with the guards, they did have to sleep in their separate rooms... "Since you two have been under dorm arrest the last week or so," he continued morosely, "I am afraid I must bear ill news of the outside."

"Oh, joy," Katarina sighed. "Things are getting worse?"

"Blessedly, I do not think it will affect your legal standing," he murmured, "but I am sorry nonetheless. Katarina... last night, your mother passed away." 

Katarina's head felt light. "I'm sorry," she breathed, "come again?"

"Your mother died of natural causes," he repeated quietly. "I am very sorry, Katarina. I don't know how close you were with her, but for any family, the death of a parent is... often very difficult." Katarina's throat closed and she couldn't say anything else. Hubert, fortunately, didn't wait long to respond to her. "I won't keep you any longer. My condolences, again, miss Du Couteau." Then he excused himself. 

It was the guards' duty, from there, to guide them back to their separate rooms, but they hesitated. Katarina didn't really notice. In fact, she didn't move or react to much of anything, until Lux touched her hand - then she jumped and shouted, frightened, and Lux yelped and scooted back as well. "Oh," Lux gasped. "I'm sorry. I was just - are you okay?"

"Yeah," Katarina lied, because no other word came to mind. "Yeah I'm - I'm - yeah." What was she saying? "I mean, no," she mumbled, shaking her head. "But - I - "

"It's alright," Lux murmured, her voice heavy. "I'm really sorry, Katarina." She looked up to the guards, and stood - Katarina understood she was going now, and the guards led them back to their respective rooms... or at least, Katarina's led her partway, and then she turned and made the trek back over to Lux's room, and Lux's guard stiffly ignored her as she slipped inside. 

Lux asked her a couple of times if she wanted to talk about it. But Katarina didn't. She didn't really have anything to say or to feel. It was just hard to process. Her parents were dead. Her father, almost certainly killed by the Black Rose, and... now her mother, just... gone, out of sight, far away. Lux left her alone. She curled up on Lux's bed, staring through the wall opposite her. 

They were dead. 

She should have been there for her mother. How could she have left her alone like this - ? What kind of horrible daughter - was she even responsible? After what Cassiopeia did, after how badly Maria took that - and then Katarina went and got herself arrested, on trial for treason... 

Her family was dead. All of them were gone. Except Cassiopeia. What was she even doing here? What had she done? 

Oh, gods, she was going to cry, wasn't she?

Desperate, she looked over at Lux, careful to hide her eyes under her bangs as best she could; Lux was looking back at her, and did not really seem to be feeling any better, though Kat wasn't really sure why she looked so sad. She must really be worried, then? 

"You really cared about her, didn't you," Lux whispered. "Just like your dad."

Yeah, that was it. There was no hope of holding it back now. Katarina just slumped backwards, against the headrest, covering her eyes with one hand. That was the best she could do to protect her dignity. She swallowed a knot in her throat, and took a shaking breath.

"I don't really want to talk about it," she managed. 

"Okay," Lux said softly. 

 

The guards continued to let her visit Lux. They didn't challenge her or speak to her as she slunk out of her room and sought out Lux's, night after night. In fact, Katarina's guard even began to dutifully walk her to Lux's room, and they would have a double guard until it was time for them to go, and then Katarina would be escorted back. She figured it made them feel a little better, and she didn't mind it, really. After a couple of nights of probing, and getting nothing, Lux stopped asking about her mother. They both grew quieter than ever. And Lux began to slip again. 

On the fourteenth day, she smiled brilliantly at Katarina as she entered, and brandished a tome she'd been reading for days. "I do understand you probably won't understand most of this," she began, "but do you mind if I talk about my research findings so far? I'm very close to a breakthrough and I'm very excited."

"Yeah, go ahead," Katarina mumbled, because she didn't really care, and at least it'd be something to think about other than the obvious. 

"In the most basic terms," Lux began, turning back to her desk, "I've been working on a spell intended to instantiate something from the caster's mind - like a conjuration - but something very abstract, instead of a concrete object, like most conjurations deal with. I determined very quickly that a conjuration spell itself wouldn't do what I was looking for, and I've been searching for some kind of precedent, and I think I may have found something here..."

Katarina didn't say anything to interrupt. And Lux just talked at her, cheerily, for hours. She didn't ask for ideas, or feedback, or even really seem to expect Kat to be listening at all. And true to her word, Katarina barely followed any of it. Her understanding of magic was... instinctive, at best. All of the complicated theory behind it was utterly lost on her. 

After Lux finished her monologue, she rose and delicately sat beside Katarina, smiling into her face, and Katarina shuffled vaguely away - hoping that it just looked like she was giving Lux room - and continued to hide under her bangs. She expected Lux to say something, but for some reason, Lux hesitated a bit awkwardly. Why was she smiling like that? 

"Katarina," Lux said, a little bit seriously. But Kat recognized that tone. It was still fake-Lux, trying to sound serious. It agitated her further. "I know that this isn't what you want from me," she continued, "but - I'm - trying to make you feel better."

"Could have fooled me," Katarina muttered.

"I - " Lux balked. "What? What are you...?"

"If this really is your idea of cheering somebody up, then, sure, sorry." Katarina huffed, and looked away. "Most of us aren't as good at just covering up their emotions as you are." 

"Covering up...?" She sounded only more bewildered than before. "I'm not covering anything up! What would I even...?"

"It's like I said before," Katarina growled, "aren't you nervous? Why don't you let yourself look how you feel?"

"I'm worried about you!" Lux cried. "What is that supposed to look like?! What do you want from me?!" 

"Nothing," Katarina snapped. "To - " _Leave me alone._ No. She couldn't say that. She forced herself to stop. Lux's eyes had widened now, big and - even a bit scared, though almost childishly so.

"Nothing," Lux repeated softly. "What do you mean...? I'm... I'm not making this worse for you, am I?" 

Oh, gods damn it, now she was upset. Why had she yelled at Lux...? Katarina winced, and shook her head. "No," Katarina sighed, "I'm just - it just is what it is, you know?" 

"Gods, wait, Katarina," Lux whispered. "You're - you're not trying to bottle this up so _I_ won't get upset, are you?"

"No...?" Katarina blinked, somewhat nonplussed. But Lux's expression set with certainty. 

"That must be it," she murmured. "You think I'm going to freak out if you get upset." 

"No," Katarina repeated, more firmly, "Stop - whatever you're doing, stop that. That's not it."

"Then...?" 

"I just don't like to talk about it," Kat muttered defensively, folding her arms. "Is that such a goddamn crime?"

"Well. No." Lux frowned. "But..."

They paused again. She heard Lux take in a slow, deep breath.

"I just can't win with you, can I?" she breathed. Katarina blinked, and looked up at her, suddenly nervous; Lux's expression was still just as bright as before, like a glassy veil over whatever she as really feeling, but at the same time - her face now, this quarter-smile, the lines in her forehead, these narrowed eyes... was it suspicion? Was it annoyance? Worry? It was getting hard hard to call this a veil... 

"I guess maybe there's just nothing for me to do," Lux sighed, shrugging, and with a brisk shake of her head, she resumed her sunny demeanor - though now, just barely cracked with concern. "Sorry to bother you!" she chirped. "I'm going to, uh, go back to studying, I think." 

"Um." Katarina nodded a little numbly, as Lux rose again. What was going on? "Alright. Sorry."

"For what?" Lux asked innocently, but Katarina didn't know. 

 

After that, Lux was usually fake(?)-Lux when Katarina arrived. And Katarina at first sort of ignored her, and Lux seemed rather undeterred by that and continued to chat about her research or to make polite conversation regardless. It was frustrating. At first. But she _refused_ to give up. 

Then they met with Hubert again, and Katarina was mostly tuned out of that meeting, but picked up on a few stray details: the investigation was proceeding sluggishly, and the representative councilors were in stalemate. Hubert seemed to think this was normal. Throughout, Lux handled all of the talking, still wearing the veil. He didn't have any more outside news for them, so they finished their business and he left, and she followed Lux back to her room again. 

But Lux didn't go back to her room. To Kat's surprise, Lux's guard silently led them to a different part of the building, near the north end, and gestured to another room. Lux stepped in, and beckoned for Katarina to follow, before closing the door behind them both. This new room was much higher up than Lux's, and on the outside of the building, affording it a lovely balcony - some kind of visitors' suite?

"Alright," Lux sighed briskly, showing her ever-brilliant smile. "Katarina. We're having a date today."

"A date?" Katarina asked, flatly. Lux chuckled.

"Well, sure, it's not the most romantic situation or anything," she agreed, "but the important thing is, we've both got a lot on our mind, and we need to relax. Don't you think?"

"Any time I say you should be nervous you act like you have no idea what I'm talking about."

"Sometimes I'm nervous," Lux said, softly, taking Katarina's hand and leading her towards the balcony. "Sometimes I'm very scared. These days, it's much harder for me to contain. But other times I just try to focus on doing the best I can. That's all we can ever do, right?" 

Katarina didn't know what to say.

There were two little chairs and a table on the balcony, but Lux didn't sit at either of them; instead she hopped up onto the railing and swung her legs over, smiling back at Kat expectantly. This expression was... new? Katarina slowed as she approached, taking it in, confused. Lux was smiling, and it was that very pretty, showy smile of "fake" Lux, but her eyes - wide and brilliant and inviting, "fake" - were also soft and sad. It was a little like both sides of Lux had come together at once. 

That was probably a good thing? But Katarina found herself a little unnerved, too. She didn't know what to make of it.

She came to rest beside Lux, standing with her arms on the rail, and Lux sighed with satisfaction and looked skyward. It was a clear night; they could see the stars quite well. Katarina remembered distantly that a few weeks ago, she'd thought to invite Lux to look at the stars with her, in hopes that it might ease her mind. How ironic that that tactic was being used against her, instead. 

"Do you like to look at stars, Katarina?" Lux started. "I've always thought that the Noxian hills must be so wonderful for stargazing. In Demacia, there's always so much light, it's hard to see even at night." 

"I've not tried in the frontier," Katarina admitted. "I usually watch from the top of buildings, where I'm not likely to be spotted."

"You like your privacy," Lux murmured thoughtfully. "I can imagine that." 

They were quiet for a moment. Kat glanced over at Lux; Lux was not watching the stars, and was just watching her, instead. "What?" Kat muttered, her cheeks growing hot. Lux's smile grew slightly. 

"You had a very thoughtful look on just now," Lux said softly. "You're not at all like what I expected, you know." 

"Yeah?" Katarina looked away, morose. 

"Demacian propoganda is cruel," Lux sighed. "They would have us believe that you're all heartless vagabonds with no sense of honor or community. But - that's so far from true. You clearly loved your family a lot, Katarina. More than I --"

She cut herself off. Katarina looked back, startled. All at once Lux's smile was gone, and she was staring out at the grounds, far away.

"More than I loved mine, that's for sure," she mumbled. 

Katarina didn't know what to say. She felt her own throat growing tight, her feet shifting uncomfortably. Lux glanced up at her, and smiled, but this one was more... more tired, and bitter. Katarina wasn't sure if it was the veil or not. 

"Sorry," she sighed. "I shouldn't have brought up my own folks. But I think about your parents a lot. I wish I could have met them." 

Katarina looked away again, mostly keen not to meet Lux's gaze. She realized that now she was the one not looking at the stars. 

"Kat," Lux whispered, shifting closer. "I know you don't like to talk about this sort of thing, but - but watching you bottle it up is driving me insane. I'm so worried about you because you won't talk about whatever's bothering you. I don't know how you're feeling and I can't help you. Just like you get so upset with me, when I'm... being... strange, I guess. I can just tell you're unhappy."

"So," Katarina murmured, "what do you want to know?"

Lux made to speak, and paused. They were quiet for a moment. 

"What was she like?" she asked nervously. 

"A lot like me," Katarina murmured. For some reason, saying this made her... kind of proud. It also made her chest tighten. She didn't want to cry right now. That would be - pretty humiliating. 

...would it?

"In what ways?" Lux asked. 

"I don't know. She was... quiet. Not one for extended conversation." Katarina looked down, drumming her fingers on the railing thoughtfully. To her surprise, the memories and mental images of Maria that came to her were much better than the ones that had flooded her heart for the last few weeks. She remembered proud smiles and stern instructions and the time she had dyed Katarina's hair for her. "She was the one that taught me shunpo," Kat continued quietly. "And how to take care of myself, and look good, even though I don't look like her or Cassiopeia. But we were kind of distant for the most part." 

"She sounds nice," Lux offered. Kat nodded weakly.

"Yeah. Kind of rough, but really nice." 

"Noxus could... could use more people like her, I think." 

Katarina was silent; she wanted to agree out loud, but she realized she might choke or make some other really embarrassing sound, because all at once her throat had almost closed up completely and she really thought she might not be able to hold it in anymore. Her bangs were still covering her face, obscuring her view of Lux; she sure hoped it went both ways. For now, she nodded, instead of speaking. 

"Was she at the manor, when I was there?" Lux asked. "Did you get a chance to speak with her?"

"She was there," Kat said hoarsely. Yeah, this wasn't about to end well for her. 

"Katarina..." Lux shifted closer still. She sounded very, very sad. Katarina wasn't really sure what she had expected - but as she thought about it, yes, she... she did know what she expected: to be mocked. Made fun of. But that wasn't what was going on here at all. Why would Lux make fun of her? "Did you say anything about me to her?" Lux said softly. "I... I imagine not." 

"We haven't talked with her for a long time." Kat swallowed a knot, still fighting off the imminent tension in her. She would hold it together! Sort of! Mostly! 

"Why is that...? If... it's okay that I ask."

Katarina hesitated. What was the point of holding this off, really? Was she really gaining anything from this? Wasn't it... just the same thing that Lux was doing, with her 'veil', except really transparent and obvious? 

She sighed, heavily. Whatever. Let it come. 

"She didn't take father's disappearance well," she murmured. "She wasn't really herself after that. Cass and I were both worried about her, thought she might - waste away, I guess, or starve herself or something. But she stuck around, until... Cass went and did her thing in Shurima. You know about that, right?"

"Yes," Lux said softly, "I'm aware." 

"She and mother were very close," Katarina sighed, shakily. She had to pause to sniffle, and still kind of cringed at the sound of it. "But after Cass came home from that, mother... never left her room. I wasn't there to see what happened, but she just never spoke. It was like we weren't there, like she was - already dead, inside, and we were just waiting for her to go on the outside, too. But she stuck around." 

"Oh, gods," Lux whispered. "I can't... I can't imagine. No wonder you never talked about her." 

"There just wasn't ever anything to say," Katarina murmured, shrugging. She sniffled again. "But - even if I couldn't bring father back, I - I wanted to at least bring back some of his honor. I don't know if that would have done anything for her, I just wanted to be able to go to her and say that I'd... I'd made things better. Just a little. But..." 

"You will make things better," Lux said softly, urgently. "You know who is responsible now! You can still bring her to justice!" 

Katarina started to protest, but... she let it go. Even if she felt that it was pointless now, Lux was right. She had committed too hard to this plan, to her desire to uncover and destroy her father's killer, to back away from it now. 

"I can't imagine how it feels to lose your family like this," Lux sighed. "I... I was never close with mine, obviously. But... I'm close with you, now, I hope. And I hope that you can still feel like... well, like maybe we can be our own weird little family." 

Kat huffed. "Yeah." She angled towards Lux slightly; from between strands of her hair she saw Lux at the edge of her vision, who was smiling hopefully. "I got you into this whole mess," Katarina sighed, "and you did your best to help, aside from that one time you tried to kill me." 

"Yeah." Lux laughed awkwardly. "I - uh. I'm sorry about that. I wasn't really thinking clearly."

"It's not a big deal." Kat snorted, and sniffled again, raising an arm to rub her eyes, which were definitely not wet, how dare you. "I just mean to say, you've done right by me, so... at the very least, I have to repay that."

"At the very least, huh?" Lux's smile grew just faintly bitter. "Well, I'll see if I can keep earning your favor!"

Katarina nodded silently, looking outwards towards the grounds again. The stars really were very pretty that night. They twinkled joyfully above them, ignorant of their struggle. Maria had once told her that the stars were people who had won in the face of impossible odds - shining lights in a suffocating void. _They look down on us, and watch to see who will join them next._ Maybe she was - maybe they _both_ were well on their way to being stars. 

"I'm making that face again, aren't I?" Katarina said coyly. Lux gasped, and laughed. 

"How'd you know!?" she giggled. "You really do look so beautiful when you're like this, you know." 

"Flatterer," Katarina sighed, rolling her eyes, but she turned to smile back into Lux's face. They watched each other for a moment... and Katarina sort of picked up that she was supposed to... do something. Her heart skipped, but, she wasn't about to let such a tiny challenge get in her way, if she really was going to rise above all of this in the end. So she leaned in and kissed Lux, and Lux hummed and kissed her back, happily, their eyes briefly closing to enjoy it. It was scary at first, and Katarina might combust if she found out anyone was watching them, but... 

...but being so close to Lux... really wasn't so bad. 

 

Lux continued to wear her 'veil' afterward for the most part, but Katarina was beginning to suspect that she'd had it all wrong from the beginning. She never seemed to know what Katarina was talking about when accused of hiding her feelings, or being nervous and not showing it; it was like she was actively convincing herself that everything was okay, to a point that she really believed it. And, well, when Katarina allowed herself to humor the thought, she even understood a little. They were trapped, yes. Leblanc had them cornered into a rather intimidating accusation. But they were safe, and could spend time with each other. The only real enemy here was boredom. 

Lux talked a lot about her research, and Katarina tried to pay closer attention; she was trying to conjure something, she explained, but she seemed to be a little cagey about... _what_ , exactly. "Let's say for sake of argument I'm trying to conjure a memory," she had said. Katarina didn't know what a memory would look like, and Lux had eagerly agreed that neither did she, and that was part of the fun. But Kat didn't really have much to add. Even in better spirits, magical theory was far from her strong suit. 

Days began to stretch into weeks. Snow melted. The sun hung higher in the sky while they slept, and for longer. Hubert continued to meet with them, and continued to deliver dull and predictable reports of a stalled investigation. But as their extended stay drew close to a month in duration, things began to fall apart. 

It began with Lux starting to space out a bit more often. She would stare through her book for a few minutes without turning a page; Katarina would sense that something was wrong, and would watch her for a moment, before asking: "You okay?"

And Lux would jump and look at her, alarmed - briefly showing a face of near panic, before suddenly smiling and nodding. "Yeah! Dozed off there for a second. Sorry."

And Katarina would watch her with concern, but she had learned now not to ask about it, because Lux didn't know she had looked like that. 

Then one evening, Katarina entered her room and Lux was pacing beside her bed, arms folded, muttering to herself in a savage, angry voice. Katarina had recoiled, and Lux had jumped, and smiled and resumed her normal demeanor. Katarina took the risk: "What was that about?"

"What? What was what about?" Lux blinked, watching her with innocent confusion. 

"You seemed to be having a pretty heated conversation with yourself," Katarina said, hesitantly. 

Lux blinked again. "I... I did?" She began to wither. "I was talking to myself...?"

"I mean, it's not that big of a deal," she backpedaled, smiling nervously and waving her hands. "It's not like I don't talk to myself sometimes, y'know? I think most people do it. Just wondered what was on your mind."

"Oh." Lux didn't sound relieved. She turned back to her book, and shook her head. "Um... nothing. I'm just gonna keep reading, unless you want to talk, or anything."

"I'm good," Kat promised. "We're just here to relax." And Lux had nodded. 

Katarina was very observant person, even - especially - in total quiet. She kept a keen eye on Lux as she read, and began to notice more and more frequently that Lux was not reading at all. Once or twice, she even caught Lux whispering angrily to herself for a few moments - though she didn't dare lean in to hear exactly what about. Lux's notes began to change shape, too - becoming more abstract, and with darker, harsher lines, instead of the gentle swooping lettering she normally used. There were scribbles and cryptic sentences that made allusions to 'winning moves', and specifically, a lack thereof. And a need to 'disappear'. 

Katarina didn't want to intervene. She was starting to get nervous that something dangerous was going on in Lux's mind - something she wished she had picked up on sooner, before making accusations or arguments about it. Lux seemed sincerely unaware of what she was doing, and that was... alarming, at best. But most unsettling was the way that she continued to keep that cheery persona up, even when she was confused or nervous. She refused to let her guard down. 

Why? What was she so afraid of, that she wouldn't even admit to herself?

The breaking point came at the end of the fourth week. It was probably their tenth or eleventh meeting with Hubert, and it was the first time Katarina arrived before Lux did. They waited for a bit, before Lux's guard entered, approaching Katarina's guard and whispering something to him - Katarina watched levelly, and listened close, and heard something about _won't respond_. Then, they gestured for Katarina to stand, and informed Hubert that they'd be back as they led Katarina away. Dread filled her with every step.

Sure enough, they took her to Lux's room, and Katarina didn't need any instruction to know what to do. She approached the door and knocked at it gently. "Lux, the Councilor's waiting on us," she called, with volume but softly. "Are you feeling alright?"

Silence. She tried the door - it opened - and delicately pushed it open, glancing inside. Lux was sitting at her desk, and whirled around to glare at Katarina; her eyes flashed angrily before her blonde bangs settled back over them again, hiding her face. For just a moment, Katarina couldn't move, breath caught. But she recovered quickly as the dread returned. 

"Hey," Katarina breathed. "You not feeling great?" Lux shook her head faintly. "I'll do the talking today if you want," she offered. Lux shook her head again. 

There was a pause. She kind of understood what Lux wanted, but wasn't sure she should allow it.

"You want to stay here?" she asked, after a bit. Lux nodded; Kat took a deep breath, and nodded, too. "Alright. I'll talk with him. Then I'll come back up here, okay?" Lux nodded again, more slowly. "I'll be back." 

 

Their meeting was uneventful, which was good, because Katarina spent the whole time fretting internally. Just like a month ago, she was sort of relieved that Lux was at least showing signs of stress, but at the same time she was only more worried than ever about whatever it was that was happening behind the scenes. That mental image of Lux, silently hiding behind herself... it reminded her an awful lot of Lux curled up and despairing after Leblanc captured them, certain she was going to be executed. Thinking back on that, even that moment felt so strange, and had felt strange at the time. Lux wasn't the sort to just give up all of a sudden... was she? 

The guards escorted her back to Lux's room. She paused in front of the door, nodding gratefully to each of them. It was a wonder that they were so cooperative, all things considered. Then, she slipped inside. Lux had moved to the bed now, and was laying with her hair over most of her face, a single partially-obscured eye watching Katarina as she came to sit on the edge of the bed next to her. It was... dark, not like 'veil'-Lux's bright, glittering gaze. It was sharp and deep. 

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Katarina reported calmly. "Everything's still stalled."

Lux didn't respond, but Katarina felt her nod, sort of. She took a deep breath. 

"You're acting like me," she murmured. "Do you need some fresh air?"

Lux shook her head. 

"Do you, um..." What was she supposed to do, even? Katarina had enough trouble comforting people even whens he knew what was _wrong_. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" she offered, though she winced as she said it. It didn't really sound how she wanted. 

Lux's eye closed. "What do we do?" she croaked, almost inaudibly. 

"Do?" Katarina repeated, numbly. Weirdly enough, she hadn't ever thought about it. "Nothing's really changed," she said slowly, "so... I guess... we can just keep doing what we're doing."

"And then what?"

"And - well, I don't know. Something would have to change, and we'll figure it out then, right?" Lux was silent. Katarina frowned. "I'm not an especially great planner," she admitted. "I tend to just kind of plan as I go." 

"I see," Lux said softly. 

"Do you want to try to... to plan for some contingencies, I guess? I'm sure we can come up with some stuff, if that would help you feel better."

"I have been trying to do that." Lux rolled over, away from Katarina - but facing upward, clearing the hair from her face. She had lines under her eyes. "Ostensibly our worst-case scenario is the Institute siding with the Black Rose completely. That seems far-fetched, given how much effort the Institute spends preventing corruption in their judicial process, but it's certainly possible for the Rose to bribe or manipulate the relevant parties if they want. In any case, though, the primary outcome is essentially the same for any problem scenario: we're going to be declared guilty and returned to our respective nations for judgment, and that means execution, for both of us."

She paused. Katarina was holding her breath, though she didn't really know why. 

"So, Katarina," she sighed, her eyes tracking over to Kat, "what do we do if that happens?" 

"Well, we obviously can't stay here," Kat said slowly. Lux nodded.

"So," she growled, "where do we go, exactly?" 

"Um." Katarina felt like she was being led along. Lux was glaring at her. "Well, you obviously can't go back to Demacia..."

"Obviously not." 

"We could go back to Noxus, possibly," Katarina ventured, "but depending on how this is all being seen back home, that might be very dangerous, and - "

"Leblanc will have the greatest power and opportunity there," Lux cut in coldly. "Walking back into her territory is very dangerous as it is."

"Yeah." Katarina bristled. "Don't - don't interrupt me, if you're going to make me think about this." 

"We can't go to Demacia or Noxus," Lux sighed, "and we can't go anywhere else because we've made this an international affair and they're obligated to return us to the Institute, and we'll just be stuck here. Leblanc has created a situation where we can't take any action safely and we just have to wait for her to figure out how to incriminate us."

"That's not true," Kat protested. "We just have to not get caught, and we won't get returned to the Institute. There are places we can go that'll make that easier - "

"And then what?" Lux sat up, her glare intensifying, her jaw set. "What's our endgame here? Leblanc is holding all of the cards right now. She can do whatever she wants safely as long as we're here, and the only place we could go that might threaten her is a deathtrap without some kind of plan, and we can't make any kind of cohesive plan without knowing more about what's going on outside, which we will never learn by staying here."

"Okay," Katarina said slowly, "so listen, there's a way out of this."

"No, there isn't," Lux snapped. 

"We don't have to go straight to Noxus, right?" Katarina continued. "We go somewhere else, we take some time and gather intel, we figure out what we're going to do."

"How?! Where are we going to go? How are you going to gather intel without Leblanc picking up on where you are? Because as soon as she does that, the best thing we can hope for is that she _only_ sends the Institute after us, instead of the Illuminators. Even if you aren't afraid of the Black Rose's members themselves, she has a lot more to threaten us with."

"Like I said, we don't get caught."

" _How?!_ " Lux's eyes boggled. "You can't just say 'this won't happen' and call that a plan! Where are you going to go? How are you going to gather intel? What do we _do_ here?!" 

Katarina made to respond, but Lux pushed herself upright and began to pace; her arms were folded, and her voice took a gutteral and savage tone that Katarina, at first, thought she had not heard before: "The further from Noxus we go," she seethed, "the more difficult it will be to gather information about what's going on there, and we don't guarantee any additional safety because every nation connected to the Institute of War will be on the lookout for us, so there's no point to making that tradeoff. Instead we might as well get closer to Noxus, but doing that means that Leblanc is much more likely to have control of wherever we go, which means she could catch us and bring the Institute to us, but she could also just heavily mislead us if she played things carefully and we might never know about it." 

"Lux," Katarina gasped - she recognized the voice now: the hateful muttering and whispering from the times when she thought Kat wasn't watching, when she was talking to herself. Was she even listening anymore? "Lux, calm down," she shouted. "Just stop for a second!" 

"Don't you get it!?" Lux snarled, whirling to face her, fists clenched. "If we put a toe out of line we're as good as confessing, so whatever we do, it has to be _perfect_. We have to know exactly what our contingencies are going to be and how we're going to go on the offensive at the right time or else we're just going to get caught and brought back to our executions!" 

"Lux, listen," Katarina cried, "we don't _have_ to do this!"

"Wh- what?" Lux recoiled, her eyes suddenly growing wide and scared. "What do you mean? What don't we - ?"

"We don't have to go after Leblanc," Katarina said firmly. She couldn't really believe what she was saying, but at this point, she just needed to calm Lux down, and she was adapting to that need as best she could. "That's - that's my own dumb family business, and at this point, you're more my family than Cassiopeia is, so if I can't go after her while keeping you safe then I'm not going to do it." 

"But that's - but that's the problem!" Lux started to pace again, this time hugging herself, her voice hysterical. "Even if we just try to escape the Institute will still be after us and Leblanc will still want to silence you, even if you somehow made peace with Leblanc then Demacia will still be after _me_ , and all we can do is try to run until we get caught and I don't know how long that will last, the only way we can really be safe is to prove that we're innocent and the only way to do that is to expose Leblanc, so we _have_ to go after her, but there's no way to - "

" _Lux!!_ " Katarina stood up, and grabbed her wrists; Lux yelped and thrashed, pulling herself away and stumbling backwards against a wall, and Katarina stayed distant with her hands held up. "Lux," she repeated, "you have to calm down! We're not in any immediate danger, okay? We have time to figure this out!" 

"I'm - I can't - I - " She shook her head, and looked away, taking deep breaths. Hesitantly, Katarina approached her, as her breathing began to slow down. "I'm sorry," Lux whimpered. "I'm just so scared. I don't want to die. I don't want to go back there."

"We're not going to go back there," Katarina promised firmly. "And I'm _not_ letting you die." 

"But I don't know - how we - " Lux sniffled, and looked up again, her eyes watering. "What are we going to do?" 

"Breathe," Katarina instructed, holding her gaze. "Relax. You're safe right now. Okay?" 

Lux's eyes widened, and slowly, she nodded. She kept breathing deeply, and it continued to slow down. Katarina stepped forward more; Lux's eyes closed, and Katarina hesitantly put her arms around her, as Lux leaned into her embrace. 

"This has been on your mind for a while, I take it," Katarina muttered. Lux nodded silently, and Katarina sighed, resting her head on top of Lux's. She appreciated the height difference here; she liked being able to hold and encompass Lux, as though protecting her from all sides. _You are safe, little blade._ Her mother used to say that, when Katarina was angry and despairing about something, and her emotions affected her training, to remind her to be calm and to focus; 'You are safe, little blade. I will hone you.' 

She took in the scent of Lux's hair. She remembered the moment that she recognized Lux's strength, the ferocity in her eyes and snarl; she remembered the vibrant shocking glares she threw when she was vulnerable, but focused, and the soft bitter smiles she wore when finding relief in a dire situation. She renewed to herself her commitment to protect and enable Lux, so that she could reach her full potential. Just like she had promised when they'd first come back here. 

"I'm not good at long-term planning," she sighed. "But, I am good at adapting. Assassins have to adapt pretty quickly. Do you trust me?"

There was a short pause, and then Lux nodded. 

"We obviously can't stay here," Katarina continued. "Not with you getting so stressed out, and with nothing changing to give us options or openings to deal with Leblanc. We have to leave."

"But we can't go anywhere," Lux choked.

"That's not important," Katarina whispered, leaning down into her hair, and closing her eyes. "Listen. Trust me. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you." Hesitantly, Lux nodded again. "You trust me?" Nod, nod. "Okay. Then just... let me take care of everything. Okay? Let me figure this out as we go, and either we'll crash and burn but have tried our best, or we'll give ourselves some breathing room to start making a longer-term plan."

Lux took a deep breath. "I trust you," she breathed. Katarina smiled with relief. 

"Be ready to go tomorrow night, when I show up," Katarina said softly. "Okay? For now, just relax. Get a good stopping point in your research, if you can."

"Okay. Th-That sounds like a good idea." She sniffled and coughed, and nuzzled Katarina's shoulder before pushing herself back. She looked up briefly, smiling weakly. "Um... thank you." Katarina nodded, and - hesitantly - leaned in to kiss her again, which Lux returned gently but eagerly. 

 

They spent that evening in silence, like many before it, but the tension that had hung in the air - for Katarina, at least - had faded somewhat, and it made it easier for her to think. She sat hugging her legs on the bed, sometimes pulling them up to stretch a bit, idly. The more she considered it, the easier it was to understand Lux's paralysis; it was a tough situation for them to get out of. The Institute had no shortage of enforcers and bounty hunters, she was sure, so the instant that they left they needed to be ready for a chase. 

She carefully recalled the Institute's layout in her mind. It was an enormous place, but only a fraction of the buildings were used during normal operation. She visualized the route between her room and Lux's, and the potential areas of interest or danger, and how close they were to them. Everything, one step at a time. Only once she was satisfied in her plan to actually leave the complex did she focus on where to go next. 

Demacia was out. Noxus was out. Ionia was difficult to reach, and likely to be hostile; not a good option. Bilgewater held a huge amount of promise, and Katarina admitted that the prospect of sailing again was rather exciting. But it was far, far away, even more difficult to reach than Ionia was. They would have to reach a port somewhere. Zaun wasn't a bad choice for that. 

...Piltover wasn't a bad choice, either. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she liked Piltover as an option. It was a huge and incredibly dense city-state; anyone with the wits to navigate it socially - which she sure hoped Lux had, but thinking about it, she was willing to believe in her - would easily blend in and be nearly impossible to find, unless they drew attention to themselves. But the danger there was the presence of the Sheriff, one of Valoran's most renowned detectives. Still, it made for a decent stopping point on their way to the sea, if Bilgewater really was their final destination, and they could always duck into Zaun if nothing else. 

The difficulty - whether they decided on Bilgewater, Piltover of Zaun - would be navigating the Ironspikes. The mountain range divded central Valoran from the northern reaches, and divided Piltover and Zaun from the Freljord. During the summer, there were walkable passes, but at this time of year the only way through was a train that ran from the northern border of Noxian domain, through the mountains, into Zaun; and that in turn connected to the Piltoverian rail network. On her own, it'd just be stealthy assassin business as usual, but with Lux in tow...

She continued to mull over choices on her walk back to her dorm, and it kept her up for a little while, too. But she was willing to leave things to chance and uncertainty. Open ends were opportunities in skilled hands, and there was no hope for either of them if Katarina wasn't willing to trust in her own ability to adapt and plan on the fly. 

When she awoke early the next evening, she gathered what little belongings she had into a little pack, and set it beside the door. She stepped out, and nodded to her guard, and her guard nodded as well - but she didn't follow him, and he stopped to turn back to her, expectantly. She leaned against a pillar nearby. 

"Jerik, right?" she asked lowly. Hesitantly, the man nodded. "You look young," she added, smirking a little. "How long have you been here?"

"Couple years," Jerik said gruffly. "What do you want?"

"I just appreciate you." Katarina shrugged. "I appreciate people that do a job well without getting all stuffy about it. You have a family, Jerik?"

"N... No." Jerik shifted. "Not yet, anyhow. I'd... I'd kinda like one, but..."

"But?"

"Well, let's just say that, uh." He shuffled a little awkwardly. "I might not have the option."

"I bet you're tougher than whatever thinks it can stop you." Katarina's smile grew a little. "Maybe it's the Noxian in me, but the way I see it, that's just another challenge for you to rise to."

"Heh. I mean, I guess so." He chuckled, too. "We shouldn't just sit around, though, you know? Looks kinda bad."

Kat nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Just, Jerik, really, thanks for being understanding for us. It's been real nice of you."

"Yeah," he conceded. "I, uh... I haven't minded it. You're alright."

"Thanks." Katarina's smile grew a little sad. "I just want you to know that this really, _really_ isn't personal."

She teleported behind him and locked an arm around his throat, the other worming deftly under his helmet and throwing gripping his mouth. He made one strangled noise of surprise - dropped his spear - but couldn't put up much of a fight. She carefully lowered him to the floor after he stopped moving, and checked for a pulse. Still there. Then she gingerly placed his spear beside his hand, grabbed her pack from her room, and made her own way out. 

She wove easily between patrols. The armory had no posted guard; she slipped inside, retrieved her many daggers and Lux's baton, and slipped back out without a sound. It felt incredible just to wear those knives again; they were a part of her, an extension, and she felt so much more safe and confident dressed for war, as it were. She found the guard barracks, but it was particularly dangerous to stay near there for long; to her relief, there were a few cloaks hanging near the opening, and she snatched a couple and whirled them away and dashed out of sight. Then, the next stage: reaching Lux's room. She didn't offer the next guard the courtesy of conversation; she just choked him out, left him carefully sitting against the wall, and let herself into Lux's room. Lux was ready to go, and that made things easy. She followed Katarina out to the walls. 

Katarina had a very powerful advantage over most people who wanted to break out here. The grounds and the area around the external wall were crawling with far more guards than the insides of the buildings were, but Katarina could evade them all entirely with a couple of very well-placed shunpo. "I'm going to throw a dagger and teleport to it," she whispered, to Lux. "But I'm going to be carrying you, so I need you to make sure you catch it." 

"Wait, catch it?" Lux breathed, her eyes widening. "What - ?"

"Do you trust me?" Katarina said seriously. Lux bit her lip and nodded, but she looked deathly pale at the idea. 

She knew well the spot she had in mind. When they reached it, she had Lux stand facing away from her, just a short distance away. She drew one of her favorite throwing knives and carefully twirled it in her fingers, remembering its weight and shape, tracing out the arc in her mind. It was very, _very_ dark, but fortunately Katarina had a lot of practice throwing knives in the dark. "Ready?" she whispered to Lux.

"As I'll ever be," Lux murmured back, shakily. 

Katarina reared back and threw in one smooth, swift motion. The knife arced high into the night, flickering against starlight, barely visible. But that was enough. She swooped over and wrapped her arms around Lux's stomach, and pulled at the absolute maximum of her range - teleporting up to the knife, visualizing its glinting shape and its arc in her mind. 

They emerged from the void in midair. Lux uttered a tiny, barely-stifled squeak; Katarina felt briefly nauseous. This was gonna be a pretty rough landing. 

She looked forward; Lux reached out with both hands, and snatched the knife mid-twirl. Satisfied, Katarina looked down again. The ground was rushing up at them, but she didn't want that - she wanted the tree line just a few yards away. Gritting her teeth, she teleported again. 

The inside of her head burned as she touched down on the tree branch - it wasn't strong enough for both of them and snapped, and they both yelped as they tumbled down the side of the tree and unceremoniously onto the ground below. Katarina laid there for a bit, letting her head recover. It wasn't awful, really... in this case, just getting to her destination was enough, and the pain was bearable as long as she didn't move for a few seconds. Beside her, Lux groaned and pushed herself up, and when Katarina rolled over to follow her there was an extended hand waiting. 

"I caught it," Lux whispered, handing back the dagger; she was breathing quite harshly, but slowly calming down. Katarina smirked, and sheathed it again. 

"Yeah, you did." 

They took a few tentative steps forward in the woods. Katarina checked the angle of the moon to ensure that they were going, roughly, north. Lux lagged behind a little. When Katarina turned, she saw that Lux was looking back at the institute, silently, her baton hanging limp at her side. 

"Hey," Katarina said softly. Lux turned back, her expression unreadable. "You trust me, right?"

"Yeah." Lux sighed, and drew herself up, wrapping her arms over her stomach. "Yes, I do trust you. Even though I would desperately hope we never have to jump from a high wall again." 

Kat smiled with relief, and reached back with one hand; Lux stepped forward and delicately closed her fingers around it, and they set out together, hand in hand, and silent.


	4. Chapter 4

Their nocturnal sleep cycle did them a great service here, as they were both full strength for the whole night, and could cover a lot of ground in the dark. Katarina led them roughly north, and glanced back often to be sure that Lux was following; though she was gloomily silent Lux did not fall behind, and watched her keenly as they forged on. 

The sun rose eventually. They paused, and Katarina asked if Lux needed to stop, and Lux shook her head. So they kept going. Something about Lux's answer - the silent firmness of it - imparted her understanding of the situation, and Katarina appreciated not having to explain; stopping was dangerous. Putting themselves as far away from the Institute as possible was their highest priority right now. But, on the flip side, extended marching was dangerous, too. So Katarina slowed the pace, and continued to check Lux's fatigue throughout the morning. 

Around the afternoon they reached a river bank; Katarina had been aiming roughly for it, and was delighted to have found it. Lux recognized it, too. "The Trident," she observed lowly, as Katarina approached with a relieved sigh. It was wide and healthy here, slowing at a lazy pace, creating quite a beautiful scene - if a sort of barren, hollow one, with the trees all around them bare of leaves. The evergreens were growing rarer the further north they went. 

"What do you think?" Katarina asked, turning around. "Good place to stop?" 

Lux nodded numbly. She set her pack down and sat beside it, leaning backwards against a fallen log, and Katarina sat atop that log on her other side, watching the water absentmindedly. Katarina had always liked water; it had a hypnotic sameness to it, but at the same time was unpredictable and silently dangerous. Light and color were distorted in its reflection, and you could see through it without really knowing what lay beneath. Curiously, she glanced over to Lux after a moment, to see that she was watching the river, too... but her gaze seemed much more far away. 

She winced. 

"Hey." Hesitantly, she put a hand on Lux's shoulder; Lux tensed, but faced her, her attention snapping back. "We should probably trade off sleep for a bit," she said softly. "You want to go first?" 

"No," Lux said quietly. 

Oh. Katarina nodded, and bit her lip, drumming her fingers on the log beneath her. "Uh, alright. In that case... I ought to tell you what I'm thinking so far. Plan-wise." Lux nodded, and shifted her legs, sitting sideways on her knees to face Kat more fully. "Our best choices for hiding places," Katarina began, "are going to be Piltover, Zaun, and Bilgewater." At this last name, Lux's nose wrinkled. "We can't get to Bilgewater without getting to a port, and the safest port is probably still going to be in Piltover, so no matter what we've got to cross the Ironspikes and get through Zaun anyway."

Lux nodded, but Katarina saw her brow and lips tighten nervously, and she tried to offer a reassuring smile. "Yeah," she said grimly, "it's a problem. It's a natural choke point for us, and they'll probably have warned the rail station up there about our escape, so they'll have an eye out for us." 

"Do you have a plan to get by them?" Lux asked. 

"No, I don't," Katarina admitted. "And that's fine. We won't know for sure what we're up against until we get there, and we won't know what kind of assets I might have in the area until we get there, either."

"Assets?" Lux blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?" 

"Lots of people heading for the ports now that Snowdown's over," Katarina said coyly, smirking. "I know Bilgewater doesn't sound like your ideal summer home, but I've spent a fair amount of time there myself, and I made a few... friends."

"Friends," Lux repeated flatly. The corner of her lips curled up in amusement, to Katarina's delight. 

"As much as you _can_ make friends out of bilge-rats," Katarina chuckled. "But I haven't been in touch with them for a long time. So we'll have to see how they react to, uh... our little situation, here." She gestured vaguely between them, and Lux nodded knowingly, her smile fading again. 

"You should rest," Lux said softly. 

"I'm not really that tired," Katarina admitted. "Are you sure you want first watch?" 

Lux was quiet, watching the water. At length, she sighed, and laid herself out beside the log, closing her eyes. 

"You have to rest, too," she said quietly, but firmly.

"I will," Katarina promised. 

"Wake me after an hour or so." 

 

Katarina waited for a while to be sure Lux was asleep before moving. In her limited experience, Lux tended to sleep pretty light, so Katarina did her best to stay silent as she picked her way along the riverside. She was hesitant to be too far away from Lux, but she wanted to pace a bit, too. 

She knew a few different pirate bands and crews, but she'd only ever really been 'friendly' with one in particular. Their captain was a shrewd and wily woman who went by the name Levvy. Katarina had sailed and looted with them on quite a few occasions in the past, but not since her father's disappearance, and... well, given that, and given Katarina's current circumstances, there was no guarantee that Levvy would be willing to cooperate with them. 

What she did know was, Levvy's crew were half Noxian frontier folk looking for adventure and glory, and half Piltoverians or Zaunites that were looking for coin. She knew that Levvy liked to be 'home for the holiday', and that she fearlessly moored in Zaun during the winter, rather than Noxus. And she knew - not from personal experience, but from Talon's investigative skills - exactly where "home" was for Levvy. She'd be right in their path to Zaun, and if Levvy was able to get herself to and from Noxus every winter to resume her pirating career, she must have some way to get Katarina and Lux over, as well. She just hoped her timing was right. 

She had no way to tell how long Lux had been asleep, so she just played it by ear. She paced, she did a bit of shunpo practice, she watched the water, she... watched Lux. More than she cared to admit, she just kind of sat and watched Lux sleep. The Demacian had laid herself down straight, matching the log behind her, but over time had curled up a little, hiding her lips behind curled fingers, her eyes clenching shut just barely. But she didn't move, or whimper, or anything like that. She just... laid there, silent, closed off. Even asleep she was anxious. It made Katarina sad to see. 

As she watched, Lux shifted, seeming momentarily troubled, and Katarina drifted over to touch her shoulder and whispered, "You're okay. I'm still here." She kind of regretted it afterward - kind of a dumb romantic impulse - but, Lux calmed down a little, and was soon fast asleep again. Kat sat across from her on the riverbed, watching her still. She felt nervous looking away the more she took in Lux's state. Like - she might glance away, and Lux might get up and run away, or something similarly absurd. 

It was just hard to see her like this. 

Katarina had only seen glimmers of her strength. She supposed that the way she'd taunted Katarina during Snowdown, when she first came to ask for help, that was a kind of strength. Her cheery confidence throughout Noxus, the professional and matter-of-fact navigation of Leblanc's trapped warehouse, all... little symbols of strength, but withheld out of some vague, transparent sense of humility. But, of course, the moment she'd turned on Kat, and their fight to escape pursuit when Lux had burned the forest down and nearly knocked herself out - those were much more what Katarina was used to, and what had got her attention in the first place. Very overt displays of passion and power. They stuck out in her memory, even though it seemed hard to believe that this was the same person. 

She just wanted so badly to see Lux at her peak. She wanted that cheerful confidence with power behind it. She wanted that passion and fire with confidence behind it. All the time. It made her shiver even to imagine, but at the same time she didn't know for sure what that would look like, and that was part of the excitement, too. Would Lux become a great archmage of the Institute of War? Or perhaps an inventor and researcher, whose genius was rivaled only by her thirst for new knowledge? She wondered; Lux spent a lot of time poring over old tomes at the Institute, but it was hard to tell if she'd really enjoyed it or if it was just a distraction. What was it that Lux was after in her heart? Did she even know?

She supposed that she wasn't so different from Katarina herself, actually. Katarina had once wanted something, direly, even if she didn't know what form it would take: she wanted to bring pride and power to her family. She wanted to make proud her father and mother, to represent them both well, to feel like... 

...well... 

...thinking about it... What she really wanted, more than anything, more than their pride or honor, was... to feel like she, herself, Katarina Du Couteau, was... great. 

She remembered the way that everyone looked up to her father. His mercenaries and captains and soldiers all looked at him with such admiration. They seemed so genuinely happy to follow him. Even though Katarina wasn't really meant to be a leader, she... she wanted to be looked at the same way. She wanted people to be glad for her presence, proud of her work, and safe in her protection. She wanted Noxus to... to appreciate her. What a selfish thing to want. 

And now, with things as they were, it was probably never going to happen. So here they both were. Lost.

She sighed, and looked skyward. The sun was creeping towards the horizon. She had a promise to keep. She carefully knelt in front of Lux, and touched her shoulder; Lux jumped awake immediately, looking up into her face with wide, startled eyes... but slowly relaxing, letting out a sigh of relief. Katarina felt guilty, but... she enjoyed that look, the moment when Katarina's presence meant comfort.

"My turn," she said quietly. Lux nodded, and sat up, trading places.

 

She didn't get a whole lot of rest, but a quick nap was still enough to refresh her energy for walking. The sun was setting when Lux woke her; they gathered their things and marched on again, now following the bank of the Trident for a little while, while it was still flowing north. 

"It's pretty," Lux observed, quietly. Katarina looked back sharply, surprised, but nodded as she parsed Lux's words. 

"You don't see sights like this much in the frontier," Katarina said mildly. "But you're right." 

Lux smiled a little, but didn't reply, and they kept walking. 

Some time after the sun set, they broke away to the northeast; the leafless trees gave way to plains, and they walked exposed in the dead of night. From here until their destination, their best shelter would be overhanging cliffs or crevices in the broken-up space between neutral territory and the frontier itself. It wasn't the longest pilgrimage Katarina had ever taken, but it was an especially tough one by night, with so little to navigate by. 

At some point she felt something brush against her hand, and whirled around with a start. But it was just Lux, who flinched, but smiled nervously. "I can't see you well in the dark," she admitted. "So... I just wanted to..."

"Oh. Yeah." Katarina laughed sheepishly, and gently clasped Lux's hand in her own. "You can speak up, too, if you need something," she added, as they resumed walking. 

"You seem lost in thought," Lux replied. Her voice was hushed, almost reverent. "Thinking about our plan?"

"Mostly," Katarina agreed. "But there's not much we can decide on until we get there." 

"I'm trying my best not to worry," Lux sighed, "but that's just so stressful. We're uncertain, we can't answer any of our own questions, and still we have to forge on... Even though I guess I'm living it, I just can't imagine what it's like to have to do something so dangerous without a really clear understanding of what your endgame is going to be." 

"The way I like to see it," Katarina said calmly, "uncertainty is opportunity. We leave our plans open, we can adapt as we learn more. Better that, than back ourselves into a corner." 

Lux hummed thoughtfully. "I guess you're right." For once, she sounded reassured. 

As they broke into Noxian territory, the plains began to slope into rolling hills, and in places those hills gave way to short, but jagged cliffs or rocky ledges; it didn't make for much a shelter, but Katarina guided them to one of these and had them rest for the night there. Like before, they traded watch, and slept light; when they started again it was late morning, and they were able to cover more ground by day. By sunset, Katarina could see the Ironspikes in the distance. For most people, it'd be two days away. But Katarina hoped to do it in one. 

By now they were well into the Noxian steppes, and there were many more ledges and cliffsides to camp out on. They gave themselves a good view to the west, and an overhang as shelter to the west, and again settled in to rest. Lux was in better spirits overall; she responded to Katarina with brief sentences, rather than nodding and remaining silent, and her voice wasn't as faint as "dark" Lux's had been for the last few weeks. It helped Katarina relax to see her condition improve. 

"This has been nice," Lux admitted, as they huddled around the embers of their dying little campfire. "Good to... to get out, I guess."

"Yeah." Katarina smiled lopsidedly. "Under better circumstances this would have been a fun little hike, to my tastes."

"Little?" Lux chuckled. "Ah, well. You seem more the rugged wandering type than me, I think."

"It's not like I'm dragging you around," Katarina countered, "you've been holding up just fine on your own." 

"I'm glad not to be a burden," Lux sighed, smiling briefly, and looking away. 

They were quiet for a few moments. It was a peaceful quiet, but Katarina still couldn't help but be a little nervous anytime Lux trailed off. She wasn't exactly being subtle about her feelings, but at the same time, it was hard to guess what she was actually thinking about. 

"Can I ask you a couple of things?" Lux asked, nervously. 

Katarina blinked, shaking herself out of her thoughts. "Yeah, of course," she said, offering an inviting smile. "What's up?"

"It's about... back at the Institute." Lux took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, as though steeling herself; Katarina's own smile faded, growing cold. "You said a couple of times that I was talking to myself," she said quietly. "Right?"

"A-Ah, um." Katarina covered her mouth swiftly, gathering her thoughts. What did she say here? But as she hesitated, Lux's eyes opened again, setting on Katarina's; so sharp and fierce was her gaze, all of a sudden, that Katarina's train of thought was lost immediately. 

"Please don't hold back on my account," she added, firmly, "I know that something is wrong with me. I've spent my whole life trying to pretend everything around me was fine, but I don't want to keep hiding from you without thinking about it. And if you're going to fight this hard to keep us alive, then I'm going to fight too."

Katarina didn't know what to say. Lux's visage before her didn't help any; with their weakening fire casting a demonic red light across her face and the darkness all around her, she looked... powerful, frightening even, in probably the most alluring way possible. _Where did this come from...?!_

Slowly, she managed to nod. "Yeah, um..." She swallowed a knot in her throat, as Lux watched her, keen and expectant. "You... you talked to yourself a few times."

"A few times?" Lux repeated softly.

"Maybe more than a few," Katarina mumbled. "I didn't want to say anything. You reacted to it so badly the first time I brought it up..."

"I remember." Lux's face fell. "Did you... notice anything else? I guess other than... the panicking." 

"No," Katarina said. "But you sounded so... angry, when you would talk to yourself. That's about it."

"Angry," Lux repeated quietly. "Okay. Um... thanks."

"Yeah." 

They were both quiet for a moment. 

"I - " Lux cleared her throat, but still spoke uncertainly. "I just wanted to know, is all. I've hidden so much from myself and I'm... I'm sick of running away and hiding from things."

Katarina nodded faintly. "I understand." 

 

Again, they were quiet. The sense of relief from before was gone, but... Katarina wasn't as nervous as before, either. Lux's condition had still improved... improved to a point that she wanted to fight back. And that made Katarina a little nervous, but... she was proud, and in an odd way still relieved, she supposed. Relieved that her read on Lux's strength hadn't been a fluke or a lie. She wanted to be strong. 

Lux looked skyward, after a moment, and a little smile came to her face. "The sky is pretty tonight," she said softly. "When I mentioned stargazing on a Noxian hill, I didn't think you'd whisk me away to one so suddenly." 

Katarina laughed, totally surprised - but she was right, of course! Kat had been so focused on their journey and staying unseen that she hadn't thought about the stargazing opportunity at all. She shuffled around to the other side of the fire, beside Lux and further away from the cliff face above them, and laid down; Lux watched her, with a tiny bemused smirk, before following suit. 

"Wow," Lux breathed. "There's so much..." 

"Hard to imagine you've never seen it like this," Katarina sighed. It was just as beautiful as she remembered, but her memories were of stargazing on the sea. Laying on flat ground, it was somewhat easier to take in, and... it felt so much more vast. It had a new and unique charm. 

"I could never call the night sky black, after this," Lux chuckled. "There's so much light and color, but it's so far away..." 

"My mother used to say," Katarina murmured, "that the stars are people who succeeded against impossible odds. And they watch down from the night sky to see who will join them next."

"That's... sweet." Lux's voice was filled with a sort of reverent wonder. "It's almost quaint, in what must be a Noxian way." 

"What do you mean by that?" Katarina glanced over at Lux, but Lux's gaze remained fixed upward. 

"Nothing bad," she said softly. "I just mean..."

She was silent for a moment. Katarina let her think. She was smiling faintly at the stars, and they twinkled in her eyes, a tiny galaxy reflected against her own soul. 

"Someone is strong when they live by a path that they've made for themselves," Lux mouthed. "You... You said that."

"Yeah." Katarina smiled a little more. "That's how I like to think of Noxus. The strong make a path and inspire those that aren't strong enough to make their own, and they follow."

"All the way to the stars." Lux's smile grew a little. "I don't know why, but that's just... that's beautiful, to me. Isn't it interesting, the different ways our cultures looked at stars?"

"Well, how did Demacia see them?" Katarina asked innocently.

"They said that the Demacian heroes of legend were stationed there to watch over us," Lux said. "It's the same idea, right? But it feels so different. Demacia is about duty and protection... but for Noxus, it's so much more... free, and inspiring." 

Katarina beamed. "That's what we're all about! Freedom and inspiration."

"And you've freed me, and inspired me," Lux said quietly. "You're... like my own personal little star."

 

Katarina had no idea how to respond to that, but she sure was glad that it was dark, because she felt her cheeks growing hot _instantly_. Lux turned to face her slowly, her eyes lidded and her smile as gentle and serene as Katarina had ever seen it. 

"Whatever happens to us," she whispered, "I just want to thank you for doing your best for me. You didn't have to do any of this, but you did."

"I..." Katarina had to swallow another knot. _I cannot believe how gay and weak I am._ "I just... tried to do the right thing, you know?" 

"Yeah." Lux nodded, and rolled over a bit more, now facing Katarina with her body and not just her face. "You felt that I was worth saving." 

"Well, yeah, of course you are," Katarina protested. Lux's face relaxed, her eyebrows lifting slightly, as though... surprised, or relieved.

"I'm really glad that you feel that way about me," Lux whispered. "So thank you very much, Katarina. For believing in me, and that I'm worth something." 

It took Katarina a moment to process this, and in that moment, Lux leaned in to kiss her. She accepted it, despite the shock and the chill that ran through her; this was no time to be nervous and to shy away. Lux was warm, and pressed intimately close, her hands grasping Katarina's hips to pull her closer; Katarina put her own arms around Lux in return, just because that was where they fit.

But that was when Lux's words really hit her. _Thank you for believing that I'm worth something._

Katarina didn't know exactly what the feeling was that pierced her just then; some overpowering mix of despair, anger, and resolution. But whatever it was, it gave her a moment of passionate courage. She pushed herself up and rolled swiftly on top of Lux, who gasped and rolled to face her, wide eyed. Katarina glared down at her for a moment, steeling herself, and taking in Lux's surprise and demure concern. But here, of course, she paused. She bit her lip - took a deep breath - come on you can do this - 

Lux reached up and grabbed Katarina's collar, and pulled her down into kissing again. 

Katarina squeaked in surprise, losing her balance and kind of collapsing atop her, but Lux didn't seem to mind. She was fiercer than ever, her tongue pushing eagerly at Katarina's lips, and Katarina dazedly parted them, unable to mount any sort of resistance. The moment their tongues touched, she gasped, and a wave of heat washed through her, draining her strength. She feebly grabbed at Lux's shoulders, while Lux possessively held her round the waist, one hand sliding up to hold the back of Katarina's neck. She wasn't forceful, but the meaning of the action was clear: _stay here._

Katarina's conscious felt like it was melting away. She felt dazed and weak, short of breath and impossibly full of heat. She was not used to giving up control like this, and her total helplessness was terrifying... but also intoxicating. For some reason she could not place, it deeply excited her. She'd never felt so... _much_ before, and the conflicting bliss and horror overwhelmed her. 

A moment longer and Lux rolled them both over urgently, now hovering over Katarina; in that short moment between kissing she heard Lux panting, but then she was lost to the haziness of their shared lust again. Lux's hands were on her shoulders, pinning her down, but one moved down to explore, sliding across Katarina's chest and pausing atop her clothed breast, and she held it there almost like a threat. Not like Katarina had any real desire to fight it off, at this point. After a moment of this, Lux parted with her, leaving them both panting - but she barely lifted up. Their noses were just shy of touching.

"Can I?" Lux whispered, between heaving breaths. Katarina didn't know what she was asking, but just then, it didn't really matter; she just nodded.

With breathless desperation, she began pulling impatiently at Katarina's cloak, soon forcing it open and shoving Katarina's shirt up; Katarina only had time to give a tiny shocked yelp before Lux had pulled down her breastband and exposed her chest to the night air. And in the very next moment, Lux had dove on it, taking a breast possessively in each hand and pressing her teeth and lips to the skin in between. Katarina had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from crying out in earnest, and even between her fingers a faint, wispy moan still escaped her - it was so blindingly intense, so much more than she had been prepared for - 

Lux's fingers clenched down a little, tearing another weak moan out of her, and she nuzzled upwards towards Katarina's neck; Katarina heard her take in a deep, shivering breath, and something about that sound made her even weaker than before. It wasn't like she thought she wasn't beautiful or desirable or anything, but she had never really imagined someone... _enjoying_ her like this, and in her current state it was a new and powerful feeling. But at the same time, it drove home what they were doing. The night air grew bitterly cold; she was suddenly intensely aware of the open space around them, the number of angles from which they could be viewed, and her own limited ability to spot any potential voyeurs. 

"Lux," she whispered, and Lux shivered. Oh, gods, she was turning Lux on more. But then, Lux was pausing, too, just breathing into Katarina's chest, her hold slowly relaxing. Katarina whimpered; she didn't know what she wanted anymore, the panic in the back of her mind now rising to match the heat and desire flooding the rest of her body. Before, the mix of fear and pleasure was exhilirating. Now... it was nauseating. All she could do was squirm.

But that was enough. Lux pulled away a little. "Gods," the Demacian whispered, her voice quivering. "I - are you okay?"

"Yeah!" Katarina gasped. "Yeah, I - I'm good!" The distance between them helped. She felt less pressured. She shifted beneath her, managing to meet her gaze, to center herself. It wasn't unlike shunpo, in a weird way; focusing her attention on Lux made it easier to focus on anything at all, and she could recover faster that way. But sorting her feelings wasn't making the panic fade. "I just, um." She gulped. "I don't know about - "

She cut herself off. To actually say it felt wrong. Regardless, Lux nodded; her hands were bunching up over her own chest, wringing each other nervously. "Yeah," she agreed weakly. "I - I'm sorry, Kat, I was just so - "

"No, it was good," Katarina protested; she sat up, hurriedly sliding her band back into place and pulling her shirt down - as much to escape the cold as for modesty. "It was good," she said again, firmly, "I just - I wasn't expecting it, and... I don't know about here, you know?" 

Lux nodded, sheepishly. Now that they were closer, she could see Lux blushing quite vibrantly. "You're right," she breathed. "Let's... let's come back to that little moment, when we're a little safer." 

"Yeah." Katarina nodded, and smiled, sighing with relief. They sat like this together, for a few moments, gathering their breath, smiling a little awkwardly at each other. But it didn't really feel awkward.

But after a few moments, Lux shook her head briskly, and rubbed her eyes. "I'll take first watch," she offered, making as though to stand. "If that's alright."

"Oh! Right. Yeah." Katarina laughed shyly. "Um, I'll - " She let out a little whistle. "I'll do what I can to get to sleep," she giggled. 

"Take your time," Lux said kindly. "I know _I'm_ pretty awake."

So, Katarina huddled against the cliffside, watching Lux as the girl paced for a few moments, silently. After that, she sat a little ways away, her legs dangling off a cliff edge; Kat saw her kick them a few times, playfully, but then her attention focused upwards on the sky, and she was still stargazing when Katarina did eventually fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

They moved with an unspoken haste the next morning. Lux was still moody and quiet, but she smiled and engaged with Katarina's instructions much more, and Katarina felt more than ever that she had a companion, rather than someone to look after. When they set out at the first hints of sunrise, they were holding hands again, and there was a warmth there that Katarina hadn't felt before. 

Their destination was a Noxian border town called Steilrut, nestled into the base of the Ironspikes. The train that ran through the mountains into Zaun started there, and right now, it was the only way to reach Zaun or Piltover from the south at all. Katarina rather doubted that the Insitute's security goons would be wandering around a Noxian town with any kind of authority, but regardless of the locals' cooperation, there was no way she and Lux could just waltz onto the train. 

Moving swiftly, they managed to reach the city proper in one day of travel, but it was well after sundown when they did finally arrive, and they were both nearing their limits. Hoods up and cloaks drawn tightly around themselves, they crept through the quiet streets, evading bright lights and groups on their way. Katarina only vaguely knew where she was going, but it wasn't a large place, and she found her destination soon enough: a tavern, whose sign proclaimed it the Last Call. Without hesitation, Katarina ducked inside, and Lux followed at her heels. 

It was a nice enough place, nicer for sure than most Bilgewater shacks. There weren't many patrons, but Katarina guessed that they'd be closing up before long, so that wasn't too surprising. Somewhat more surprising, however, was that as she skimmed the thin crowd of faces, she saw many different Bilgewater calling-cards. Bandannas, feathered caps, eye patches, but perhaps the most obvious - sabers and pistols. Black powder wasn't exactly a cheap commodity. Only a few kinds of people could afford to carry firearms around openly. 

"Pirates," Lux whispered, in awe, behind her. "All of them?"

"It's a haven for Snowdown," Katarina explained quietly. She often wondered how Talon had found it. One of his contacts was probably a regular. "Crews that don't sail during the winter meet up here before heading back to port in Zaun."

One thing was certain; they stood out, cloaked and hooded as they were. But Katarina didn't really mind that; she wasn't keen on fucking around with secret handshakes or anything, and would rather just get attention by existing. She guided Lux to a table not too far in a corner, eager to walk past as few people as possible, but even so she caught many suspicious looks being thrown their way within just a few moments. Lux wilted under her hood, fidgeting under the table. "Hey," Katarina whispered, "we're fine. These guys can't do anything to us. Alright?" Lux nodded, but didn't really seem to calm down. 

They waited. Katarina was hesitant to meet anyone's gaze. She couldn't tell how clearly she could be seen or recognized, and starting a commotion before Levvy got to her was probably among one of the only dangerous things she could actually do here. So she continued to wait. She heard footsteps behind her, and shifted, watching the floor for the placement of the man's shins. They were approaching Lux... Katarina's hands flashed to the hilts of her daggers on her hip, her heart skipping. Don't try anything, buddy. Don't kill yourself here. 

"Strangers, eh," the man grunted. He had a low voice full of swagger, trying way too hard to sound like Gangplank. Katarina had heard the real article on a couple of very unfortunate occasions; imitators were easily spotted by their inability to force a chill down your spine. "You lassies know where ye are?" 

"Yes," Katarina said quietly. She wasn't sure whether or not she was being spoken to, but she didn't especially care.

"Ye got business here, then?" He stepped in closer, leaning over the table. Lux shuffled back in her chair. "Ain't much a couple of unarmed girls are good for in a place like this, you know what I mean?"

"You assume we're unarmed," Lux said levelly. Katarina was going to say something similar, and found herself immensely proud of Lux for beating her to it.

"You want to be remembered as that one guy that fucked with the wrong people?" Katarina growled. 

"Tough talk," the man snorted. 

Katarina's fingers began drumming against the hilts of her knives. "Sounds like a yes to me," she hissed.

There was a brilliant flash of white and violet - Katarina's eyes stung immediately and she looked away - but when she looked back, the light was gone, and the man was screaming and clutching his face, leaning against the table beside him. Lux had one hand casually opened, upward from the table, as if she were just meaning to gesture. Katarina knew better, as did anyone who saw the smoke rising from her palm. Her eyes widened. Had Lux just...?

"Sorry." Lux sounded terribly matter-of-fact... even _smug_. She only saw the smile beneath Lux's hood but that was enough to know that Lux had 'swapped'. "When I get nervous, my powers... let's say I get a tad jumpy."

"You bitch!" the man screeched, drawing up an axe and whirling to bear down on her - but he paused, as Katarina stood up, and as Lux pointed her palm at him more decisively. "You - I'll - " Looking now, Katarina could see the skin scorched to black on the left side of his face. She couldn't help but snort.

"She did you a favor!" Katarina cried. "You'll make a _great_ pirate with a face like that!" 

There were some laughs from nearby, and Katarina grinned hearing it. It was like being back in Bilgewater all over again, albeit a little bit quieter. She glanced around swiftly to see that some of the bar staff were congregating near the counter, watching, pointing, chatting. She recognized a couple of their faces. It couldn't be that Levvy's crew... _ran_ the place?

"What I did was an accident," Lux added sweetly. "But if you like, I'm happy to give a more deliberate demonstration?" 

"A killin' ain't enough for the both of you," the man shrieked, whirling around to address the men behind him. "Tuss em up! We'll --"

"Oh, heavens, do you want this place to get burned down?" Lux groaned. She raised her voice: "Barkeep? This man is pushing me. Surely this is no way to run a legitimate establishment? Or - or even an illegitimate one?"

At this, there were further, even louder laughs; Lux's sweet and carefree voice made for an excellent punchline, and Lux's smile was growing to match, putting at ease Katarina's fear that she didn't know what she was getting into. Other men around were clapping the wounded on his back, pulling him away. "Quit when yer ahead, mate," one chortled. "Yer diggin' yer own grave!" 

But the final straw was when one of the staff approached their table, and slid a platter before Katarina's chair with a deep bow. Katarina knew the man - Levvy's first mate, Rhein. His eyes glittered as he met her gaze quite firmly, grinning. "The usual for you, miss," he offered, in a far more formal voice than she'd ever heard from him. The plate itself was laden with a vibrant seafood medley, and Katarina's mouth watered at even the sight, after several days of scraping by on the road. But... she hadn't ordered anything? 

Ah. She smirked, and nodded to him. "Thanks." She knew what this was. There was no prior agreement or arrangement or anything. This was just their acknowledgement. _We see you._

"And for your guest?" Rhein offered courteously. Lux glanced back, a bit startled. 

"Ah-" She glanced up at Katarina, bewildered.

"She'll have more of the same," Katarina said levelly. Rhein winked, and bowed again, before darting away. 

"The fuck is this?!" the man bellowed. "You givin' these dogs a five-course meal and we're about to start a fucking _brawl!_ "

"A brawl?" Lux sighed. "No, no, I don't fight rubbish, I incinerate it. By all accounts I'm doing the bar a favor, right?" Katarina laughed, and many more hollered and cheered, applauding her. Spoken by anyone else these words would be hollow, oversaturated threats - but in Lux's innocent and blunt voice you didn't know what to think, and apparently that made for quite a show. Thinking about it, Katarina supposed that Lux was probably used to wielding her voice in this way. 

The men pulling the stranger away finally managed to gain some traction, and he hurled down his axe and stormed over to a different table, where they were able to actually start treating his burns. Katarina and Lux sat down, after that. They looked at each other, each grinning stupidly. "Well, that was rather exciting," Lux admitted cheerfully. Katarina had to admit, it was hard to stay nervous about 'mood swings' when she looked so earnestly happy. 

"My favorite part of Bilgewater has always been the people," Katarina chuckled. "Hopefully now you see what I mean."

"I suppose I do," Lux agreed, delighted. 

 

A few minutes passed; soon, Lux was brought out a meal equalling Katarina's in splendor, and Rhein snorted something about ungratefulness when he saw Katarina hadn't touched hers. She glared back, deliberately chomping on a single shrimp, and he turned up his nose, then spun on his heel to walk away. She'd never known him for the snob act, but he wore it pretty well. 

When they were partway through and slowing down, another woman approached, and sat at their table; Lux stiffened, but Katarina knew immediately she had been given the audience she wanted, and she sat straighter in her chair, inclining her head a little. "Captain," she said calmly. 

Levvy had aged, but gracefully. It was rare for a pirate captain to live to her age, and though Katarina knew that it was because of her caution rather than her voracity, she doubted Levvy's reputation was worse for it. She had streaks of grey in her black hair, and sunken, piercing gray eyes Katarina knew could spot a hawk from miles distant. She also sported a lovely hextech gauntlet on her left arm; when Katarina met her, it had still been a hook. "Strangers like you are the reason I run this place," she said lowly, smirking at the two of them. Her voice had smoothed out over the years, too, Katarina noticed; she had always had a... _somewhat_ more refined way of speaking than most, and that was one of the reasons Katarina got along with her. "A mysterious wild mage and a wanted Noxian noble, walking around like they own the damn world." 

"Um, is this - ?" Lux glanced over at her, and Kat nodded, faintly. "Ah." She looked back at Levvy. "It's a delight to meet you, Captain, ah...?"

"Now, that's not how this works," Levvy sneered. "You give me your name first and I decide if yer worthy of mine."

"You can't pull one over on her like that," Katarina snapped back. "You know damn well who she is, and you're not gonna make her say it out loud."

Lux paled a little. Levvy's eyes narrowed, and her jaw worked for a moment, gaze sliding back over to Katarina with a pointed sluggishness. 

"Maybe I'll say it instead," she said icily.

"Look, we've known each other for this long without drawing on each other," Katarina sighed, "I'm sure we can manage another few hours." 

But Levvy laughed, at that, and Katarina's smile returned in short order. "So that's how it is then?!" she cried incredulously. "Alright, fine. Crew call me Captain Levvy, but you're gonna stick with Captain, little miss far-from-home. Got it?" She glanced back at Lux, who nodded agreeably, still a little pale. "Good. Now how the fuck the two of ye even get here?" 

"We walked," Lux offered unhelpfully. Levvy laughed again. 

"We nobles have special contacts all around the country," Katarina added lowly. "They're called spies, have you heard of them?"

"There's a rat?!" she hissed. "I knew there was a damn rat. You better not tell anybody. More of you nobles come in here and the whole operation is ruined. Y'know how much I make running this place three months out of the year? I tell ye, business is the _real_ haul, Katarina, if yer in it for the long-term." 

"That's what I've heard," Katarina chuckled. "But it's not nearly as exciting."

"You look over at that man behind your friend here and say that with a straight face," Levvy laughed. "Better than the time Henry lost an ear to a cannon, aye?" 

"Oh, gods, don't bring up that poor idiot," Katarina sighed. "He's bad luck, I thought we agreed."

"His luck's turned around, if you'll believe that!" She leaned in, eyes twinkling. "Found me the fortune to pay for this and then some," she cooed, drumming her mechanical fingers on the table. 

They continued to catch up, in-jokes and banter and all, for quite some time; Katarina felt kind of bad, because she was sure Lux was totally lost, but furtive glances indicated that she was enjoying just listening, arms lightly folded and her eyes brightly following each of them as she spoke. It felt like she was paying terribly close attention, but Katarina couldn't help but wonder how much, or... or why, either. 

Either way, they did eventually change subjects to Katarina's long absence, and Katarina couldn't keep up the mood as she described what had happened in the last five years. Levvy was no friend of the Noxian nobility, but she'd met the good General, and she looked crestfallen to learn of his fate. "That's a tragedy," she sighed. "No mistake. I'm late to the punch, Katarina, but I really am sorry for your loss." 

"Well, it's gotten worse lately," Katarina sighed, looking through the table now. "Just as we were figuring out what happened to him, Mother..."

...it was still too close. She had to pause. 

"She's, um..."

"Oh, hell, Katarina," she sighed, "ye aren't gonna tell me you're an orphan now, are you?" Katarina nodded limply. "Well, gods rest whoever raised ye, the finest fucking noble Noxus has ever seen, and the only one worthy of a pirate's crew. But look at you, choked up like that!" She drummed the table again, as Katarina shook her head, brushing her hair back forcefully. Levvy had leaned in nervously. "Never took you for a family girl," she admitted quietly, "but you... don't look so good." 

"I don't feel it," Katarina admitted. It was kind of nice to just say it. "But that's not why I'm here. Surely even out here, you must've heard about the accusations, right?"

"Yeah, we heard," Levvy agreed, her voice turning grim. "State secrets and all that, eh? So then, ye'll be looking for an escape route?"

"More or less," Katarina agreed. "I don't know that we're looking to leave the continent entirely yet. I've still got some business back in Noxus Prime."

"What you've got sounds like a black hole," Levvy growled. "Kat, listen to me, alright? Some things ain't worth fighting. They're just not. It's you against an empire and it doesn't take an oracle to figure those odds ain't great. Are you really ready to end yourself over this, if that's what it comes to?"

Katarina nodded, without hesitation, gritting her teeth. "I've been ready to do that for a very long time," she growled. "You don't go out on the high seas if you aren't ready to die, I think." 

"No," Levvy muttered, working her jaw again. Katarina wondered if it was a nervous tic, and how she hadn't noticed before if it was. "No, ye don't." She turned to Lux. "So what's your deal, then?"

"I'm going with Katarina," Lux said quietly. Her eyes still shone, but she spoke softly to match the mood. It sounded kind of like an act to Katarina, but she tried to convince herself it wasn't. 

"What, and that's all there is to it?" Levvy raised an eyebrow. "Demacian noble vanishes, gets accused of treason, falls in with a Noxian noble. Makes a savvy cap'n wonder if the payout's better turning ye in than smuggling ye 'round willy-nilly. Y'know?"

"I do," Lux agreed. "But Demacian Illuminators won't pardon you just because you say you'll bring them to me." 

"Demacia may not, but the Institute might, eh?" Levvy tented her fingers. For a motion Katarina had never seen her do, it suited her remarkably well. The captain was probably quite enjoying having her left hand back. "Katarina's a friend of the family, I'd say, but for someone like you we don't come cheap, and ye aren't really in a position to pay."

"I'm not," Lux agreed again, her voice fainter this time. She looked to Katarina, a little helplessly. 

"Let's look at it this way," Katarina sighed, leaning in herself. "I'm the client; she's the cargo." 

" _She_ is?" Levvy shifted her attention again, smirking once more. "That is some exotic contraband for sure. Nobles and their refined tastes, something, something. This must be serious, Katarina, if you're sticking up for a - well... for her."

"In a way, she's a weapon," Katarina explained, pushing aside her suspicion at whatever Levvy had been about to say. "She knows more about the Black Rose than I could ever find out on my own, and I wouldn't have been able to figure out as much as I already have without her help. Not to mention the, uh, light show earlier. She's got that going for her, too." 

"Well, that's all well and good, but doesn't really change the situation much, does it?" Levvy's crooked smile grew. "That's still a fairly risky op yer asking of us, as a 'client'. And I doubt you're in any better position to pony up a fee than she is." 

"Then, not a client, I guess," Katarina sighed angrily. "I'm - I'm asking a favor. A pretty dangerous favor, but gods damn it, I don't really have anywhere else to _go._ "

"You've got all kinds of options!" Levvy exclaimed. "Katarina, look. I can tell you're set on this, and I know you're leaning on me as a friend right now and I respect that, y'know? Tough to get a Noxian to admit they need help and I really respect you for doing it, even if piracy is probably the last place a person like you ought to look. But we're putting aside the piracy for now, and with that put aside this _is_ my help."

Katarina stared at her, wide-eyed. What was she saying? Levvy tented her fingers again, then slowly threaded them together, her gaze losing humor, and growing stern.

"Kat," she said gravely, "this fight of yours is long since lost. Knowing you, ye feel like ye have to reclaim your family's honor, but at this point your family's _gone_. Honor isn't of use to yer folks now. All that's left is you, and living your life the way that is best for you, y'know?"

"How dare you," Katarina seethed. Her heart was pounding. "You don't have any right to lecture me about honor."

"I _chose_ to be a pirate," Levvy growled. "I made that choice because I took a hard look at what life was showing me, and I realized that all of that honor and glory crap Noxus is selling isn't worth it. I fight by my terms, for what _I_ want. Is this really what _you_ want? Are ye really so dead set on throwing your homeland into chaos to get your revenge? Haven't ye ever stepped back and asked yourself what you're going to do afterward, or did ye just give up on yourself from the start?"

"It doesn't matter!" Katarina hissed. Her fingers were clenching tightly around the table; she felt like she might bend it. "I don't have anything else to fight _for_! My family is who I am!"

" _Listen_ to yourself," Levvy breathed, crestfallen. "Have you really stopped and listened to yer heart at all during this mess? Did ye even give yerself a chance to grieve a little?" She glanced over at Lux. "Are you hearing this?" she whispered incredulously. "Am I the crazy one here?" 

Katarina turned to look at her, too. For just a moment, their eyes met, befre Lux quickly looked away - but the damage was done. Hers had been an expression of shock, and of understanding, and of worry. Regret, even. Lux was... Lux wasn't going to defend her.

"You can't be serious," she whispered. "What about - what about all that talk on the way back from Noxus Prime!? About how you wanted to believe that I had a good family, that was worth helping?" 

"I did believe that," Lux whimpered, "but - you..."

"She doesn't want ye to throw yourself into the lion's pit for nothing," Levvy said emphatically, tapping her mechanical knuckles against the table in rhythm. "Gods only know why but she _cares_ about you. It's obvious. She doesn't want ye to get hurt. What about yer folks, Kat, do you think they would want this? Do ye think they'd feel good about you throwing yer life away desperately trying to claw something back from them? Or would they want ye to find your own purpose you can be proud of?" 

"I had my purpose!" Katarina cried, hoarsely. "I - I was proud of it! I just want it back!" 

"Kat," Lux gasped, putting a hand on her shoulder. Levvy glanced over their shoulders briefly, but didn't seem to react; Katarina didn't think she'd been loud, anyway. Her throat was too tight for yelling. She turned away from the both of them, hiding under her bangs, and putting a hand over her eyes to hide their stinging. 

"I've said my piece," Levvy sighed. "I'll take you two over the mountains, and but mostly because it's going to get ye further away from Noxus, and not closer. We'll stay in town for a while, and you two take some time to think through what your next move is going to be, and Katarina... Katarina, look at me." 

Angrily, Katarina raised her eyes to glare from under the crimson hood of her hair. Levvy's face was soft and forlorn.

"There'll be a bunk below decks waiting for you, if ye want it," she said firmly. "It's a good life, Kat. You'd be great at it."

"I'm not running away," Katarina snarled.

"All I ask is you really give yourself some time to think it through," Levvy said quietly. "Alright?" She pushed herself up after that, and clapped her hands. "That's it, folks!" she cried. "Last call! Get your sewage and get ready to leave or we'll throw you through the window, you hear me?" 

She and the crew began routing everyone out. Katarina made to get up, but Lux cried out her name and grabbed her hand, and Katarina obediently stayed, steaming. 

"Katarina, please." It was 'Bright' Lux's voice, but hushed and scared in a kind of cathartic way. "I know you're angry," she whispered urgently, "but please don't misunderstand us, okay? I'm with you no matter where you go. I don't have anywhere else to go, either. That's why we're together."

...of... of course. A sickening realization broke over her, and her shoulders slumped as the fire in her veins started to die out. Lux was just as bad off as she was, without a goal to guide her forward. Katarina was, put dramatically, a renegade with nothing left to lose. But Lux was just lost. If Katarina really wanted to treat her as family, then... she had an obligation to Lux, too, and... as she always did, she had lost sight of it in her own selfish nonsense.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. Lux squeezed her hand. 

"It's okay," Lux whispered, with relief. "You're doing great." But Katarina knew what she had done. 

 

After the bar was clear of patrons, they were led downstairs into the storage cellar, then through that into an expansive office; Levvy was ahead of them, posting a huge map the Steilrut rail station on the wall opposite the door. It was already heavily marked with swooping arrows and X's in formation. 

"Here's the deal," Levvy shouted, turning to address the room. Katarina and Lux were nudged to the front of the crowd. "We're running the game a bit early this year because we've got a couple of important visitors that need to get where they're going in a hurry. Anybody that's got problems leaving tomorrow night, give me a holler." The room was quiet; Levvy grinned. "Good. Now, our clients are a bit new to the show so I'm gonna run through the plan bow t'stern one more time.

"Our custom refinements and supplies are all loaded into crates downstairs and those crates have to get on the train without being searched - not to mention the rest of you goonies, who are about as suited to sneaking as a hungry seagull. No point in trying to sneak through; the easiest way to get across the mountains is if we just run our own damn train." 

Lux's eyes boggled. The men and women around them laughed and cheered; Levvy grinned. 

"We run this same schtick once a year," she explained, "and frankly the passengers love it, so don't forget to keep it civil and entertaining, because that's how we get things done under the Sheriff's nose. We're gonna split into two teams: Rhein, like always, lead the customer service team. Yer mates are going to take over the station and act out all the roles of the staff there. The second team is the cargo team, which ordinarily is a few of you louts taking out the security around the shipping and loading area and getting all of our goods on board."

She turned her impish gaze on Katarina. "But this year," she said coyly, "we're gonna do things a bit different. We _especially_ don't want to get harassed this year and there's reason to believe security's going to be tighter than usual, so Katarina, I'd like you to ride the bow on the cargo team, clear out all the guards the afternoon before, and we'll slip in after and take over the customer service work."

"Sure," Katarina said quietly. 

"As for our honorary guest," Levvy continued, looking at Lux, "you are the cargo we're delivering, so I'm going to take the job of keeping a personal eye on ye and making sure ye get on the train safe and sound. So we'll talk tomorrow." She smiled invitingly at Lux, and Lux nodded. 

"Let me say that again louder." Levvy raised her voice. "The hooded lass is a _GUEST_. A very private one, for that matter, so don't get chatty, don't ask her name, don't do any of that shit, and swear to god I will find something short for ye to walk off if ye tell anybody else she was here. We're professionals, got it?" Her toothy grin belied her threats, and the pirates laughed and jeered as if she were joking. "For now, get these two somewhere to sleep and get some rest. Party time at noon tomorrow! Don't be late!"

 

Katarina struggled to sleep that night, or to compose herself at all, but she fought against it nonetheless. At least she knew what she was feeling, now, instead of flailing helplessly like she had as a girl. Feelings, in the end, were immaterial. They couldn't tell you how strong you were, or how weak. She only had to push through them to the other side to be at her best. 

She woke with a start to the sound of chanting and banging upstairs - Levvy's crew had arrived. When she entered the storeroom, she found Lux sitting on a crate, blinking sleepily at her, with a faint smile on. "Party time," she said softly, and Katarina nodded. At least someone was in good spirits. 

But it was hard not to cheer up when they went upstairs. Pirates love to eat lavishly for any occasion - isolation and dwindling supplies on a long voyage will do that to you - so their breakfast was more grand than it had any right to be, and the crew were jovially singing and bantering with each other all around them. Lux seemed delighted to watch, bouncing a little in her seat, almost as if she wanted to join in; if Levvy's goofy outfit wasn't enough to cheer Katarina up then the idea of Lux happily singing shanties alongside them sure was. 

Levvy herself arrived a bit late, and seemed more graven than her crew. She waved off a crew member trying to give her a drink - "What are you doing with that?! That's for the seas, ye filthy swab, put that away!" - before settling in opposite Lux. "Ye look a bit ghostly," she muttered, to the Demacian. "Nervous?"

"Generally," Lux said quietly. Katarina realized she hadn't taken in which state Lux was in, but it was fair to say 'dark' this morning. "I like to know the full scope of a plan before I commit to it."

"Clearly, ye haven't sailed before," Levvy chuckled. "But that's alright. You and I will just walk right through security for the evening train. Best we doll you up a bit so you other passengers won't think twice of it, but otherwise, we've got the easiest job."

"Swinging the lead today, are we?" Katarina said dryly. Levvy rolled her eyes.

"Don't push yer luck," she snarled. "Ye'll want to go ahead of the rest of us, as soon as you're ready. I figure it won't be a tough job for you?"

"That depends on a lot of things," Katarina murmured. "Could be easy. Could be very hard."

"Mm." Levvy's eyes narrowed. "Comfortable doing it alone?" 

"More than not. Pirates are too loud."

"Now I'll have you know that's not true," Levvy snorted, "but yer a different sort of beast, so if you're sure we'd be a liability then I'll let you handle it. Just don't get in over yer head. I've a feeling yer sweetheart here sure would hate to see you get hurt."

Normally, Katarina might joke here about Levvy herself not caring. But after last night, she just didn't really have it in her. Lux, for her part, seemed totally unfazed, which distantly surprised her. "It'll get done," she promised. 

Levvy nodded with satisfaction, then sighed. "That settled, we've got some work to do." She pushed herself up and turned to Lux. "You mind lending a hand, lass? We'll find something for you to do." Lux hopped up with a nod, and Levvy turned back to Katarina. "Stay in motion, dear." Katarina took that to mean she was excused. 

She tied back her hair, swept back her cloak, drew down her hood; she sheathed and strapped on each of her countless knives, feeling the hilt - and blade - of each one to remind herself of their weight and shape, so that she would know which one to draw for what situation. She took to Levvy's office and stretched, staring at the layout of the station, at the various marks and circles denoting what she assumed were supposed to be patrol layouts or guard placements. But with the possibility now of Institute reinforcements, none of that could be trusted. She'd have to figure it out on her own. 

She didn't spend much time there. The sun was still rising to its apex when she made her way out, evading the main roads and circling around the town at its outskirts; she could easily shunpo up the ledges and cliffs that surrounded the train station, and that gave her an easy vantage from which to gather information. She recalled the map in Levvy's office, tracing out the shapes of the internal walls in her mind, trying to build a mental image of the layout. The first order of business was to figure out how she was getting in. 

But that wasn't too difficult; she could shunpo from here onto the passenger loading platform, and from there easily cut into the shipping area from behind, evading most of the guards. That'd give her the most leeway to work with in terms of taking her time and only dealing with a few people at once, and she figured that - being here early - she might as well take her time. 

The next question - and always one of the trickiest - was: strike to kill...? 

Because incapacitating people was significantly more difficult, obviously, and posed a logistics challenge; you couldn't be sure that you'd keep them asleep long enough to do your job, especially since she was going to start in the early afternoon and they'd have to stay quiet until well into the evening. But if this was supposed to be a yearly 'friendly' operation, as Levvy had implied, then... killing people wouldn't just go against that tone, it'd draw attention. 

But that presented its own assortment of difficulties. Taking out guards one at a time was now a necessity, not an option, becuase she'd have to drag them to some isolated place where she could tie them up and gag them, on the off chance that they'd wake before she was finished. And that, itself, would be acceptable - difficult, but acceptable - if not for the worry of augmented staff from the Institute. If there were bounty hunters here waiting for her... she might not have the luxury of mercy. 

But, that was what they got, for being bounty hunters, she supposed. Hers would not be an easy capture.

As she watched, one figure stood out to her; the staff all had particular uniforms, but there was someone else talking with them, and Katarina couldn't really determine what it was they were wearing or what they were doing there. She marked this person in her mind as a potential bounty hunter; they seemed a bit too in the open, and under-dressed, for that sort of thing, but she couldn't be too careful. After their conversation, the stranger and the staff they'd been talking to went into the station proper. Katarina kept an eye out for them, but they didn't show themselves.

After a time of scouting and thinking, the train presently in the station blew a shrill, haunting whistle, and began to slowly chug away from the platform and into the mountains. She glanced skyward, and saw clouds rolling in as the sun began to dip. Looking back towards the bar, she saw a laden and covered cart being hauled up towards the station, surrounded by a small crowd of people - Levvy's crew. But she didn't see anyone hooded, so Lux either had taken it off or wasn't with them. The evening train wouldn't be arriving for a while, let alone leaving. But in between trips, right now - this was the best time for their swap to happen. 

She sighed. She didn't feel great about this one, but... sometimes you don't feel good. The staff were almost all inside now; the train was gone, the station was almost empty. She had to go.

She fell forward from her perch, hurtling towards the platform.

 

A dagger fell from her fingertips, barely racing ahead of her, and she teleported to it and snatched it from the air to change her course - then teleported, again, to the ground, the same technique she'd used to escape the Institute. Shunpo could give you momentum, but you could also stop it entirely. She crouched behind an ornate support column, letting the pounding in her head soften, before creeping past a pair of conductors into the shipping room. 

Her work was measured and systematic, like a drill conducted by one of her trainers. There was ample cover in the shipping center, numerous closets and offshoots that were easy to hide in or for dumping unconscious staff into, even wire and cables she could easily repurpose as bindings. One by one, she singled out the guards of the place, cautiously silenced them, and took them away to restrain them. There were nine employees. None of them saw her, and of that, she was immensely pleased.

She took some time to ease her headache again, before sweeping the perimeter. Most of the other staff seemed to have gone to some kind of lounge in the station proper, but there were still many guards crawling all around the area she had cleared out, and they all had to go. Unfortunately... they came in pairs. Killing two people silently was trivially for her. Knocking them out, without one of them seeing her... that was almost impossible. 

She tried drawing one pair's attention but they both came towards her together, cautiously poking around with their lances first, and she had to dance away from the shipping center to avoid giving away what had happened. Watching them from a rooftop just outside on the platform, they discussed what they might have heard - and that given "those Institute bastards" (Oh no.), they had to be sure nothing was wrong. At that, finally, they split up. One went into the shipping center; Katarina swivelled herself over the ledge, teleported through the wall into the doorway behind him, shut it sharply, and teleported again behind him as he turned to face her with alarm. Not a chance to see her, and quickly knocked out. She slammed a dagger into the wooden support beside her and darted behind a crate, waiting.

The guard's companion burst in just after, having heard the door. Katarina counted his slow footsteps forward; he wasn't taking chances here, and she respected that. But there were only two paces between the doorframe and the dagger she'd placed. When he'd taken five, she teleported to it and pulled the exact same trick. 

Guards proved much harder to drag, so she removed their armor first, as swiftly as she could - a gap in the patrol line would be noticed fast, and more guards investigating while she was doing this could be disaster. She piled their armor in a corner and dragged the men themselves into her victim pile. And she repeated this general process - luring guards away, splitting them up, and using fancy teleportation timing to evade their lines of sight while she incapacitated them - twice more. By the third pair of guards she was getting tired, her headache wasn't fading, and they were absolutely aware that something was wrong. 

She huddled into a corner of the sorting room, rubbing her temples, trying to ease her headache away. The door out to the loading platform slammed open - Katarina jumped, but fortunately, she was out of sight from there, and she waited, holding her breath. She heard only one set of footsteps... slow... terribly deliberate. Almost... sauntering? 

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," a saccharine, feminine voice purred. 

Taking things slow and considering options was for those without magically induced headaches. Katarina whirled out from cover and threw knives at the source of the voice, without hesitation. The speaker gasped; Katarina saw a dark suit of leather armor adorned with brilliant white plates, and a short young woman with black hair and thin spectacles. She twirled away from the knives, though Katarina heard one glance off of her armor plate, and she teleported to one that stuck against a crate nearby and drew others, intending to give chase.

Instead, she was met with an intensely painful blast of heat and light - she cried out and teleported backwards, avoiding the worst of the pain, but she felt as though she had been briefly thrown into an iron forge. The woman had one hand outstretched, and took advantage of Katarina's momentarily stunned state to dash in and pin her to a crate, grinning wickedly. "Gotcha," she hissed. "Stay nice and still now. Don't want to burn your face right off, now, do I?" 

"You can't threaten me," Katarina hissed. Her head was throbbing so painfully that her vision was getting spotty. Her own counter-threats were very empty, until she recovered a bit more. 

"Oh, but I can," the girl purred. "But the good news is, you aren't my target."

Wait. She wasn't?

"If you tell me about my target," she cooed, "maybe I won't tell anyone you were here. Hm?" 

"Sure." Getting off scot free sounded kind of necessary just then. 

"Tell me about Luxanna Crownguard."

 

Katarina managed to withhold her grimace, but not her confusion. "Wh- ? What would I... What would I know about her?"

"Hmmmm. Wrong answer." The girl's free hand began to pulse angrily, and the light aggravated Katarina's headache considerably; she tried to squirm so she could look away, but the girl shoved her elbow roughly into Katarina's neck. "Maybe another try will do it?" she asked sweetly.

"I don't know what you want from me," Katarina gasped. "I have no idea where she is right now!"

"She escaped with you," the girl sighed, "and you don't know?"

"That was - that was a one time favor-for-favor situation." Katarina coughed. She was getting light-headed now. She was in no shape to fight back. "Look, I swear to the gods - I don't know where she is!"

The girl sighed, and let up; Katarina slumped back, gasping for breath, as the stranger watched. "Hm." She pouted. "It seems like you're being honest. But that means I've wasted my time here." She shook her head and tutted angrily. "Fine - a deal's a deal. I ought to turn you in, but frankly, that would just be wasting more time for Crownguard to get further away from me, and I simply can't have that." 

She turned and strode away, picking a dagger out of the ground and lazily tossing it in Katarina's general direction; Katarina had to snap back to attention to grab it, and she grunted afterward regaining her focus. "If you do find anything out about her," the girl cooed, "do let me know. I'll be around." Then she left, the way she'd come.

 

Levvy's cart arrived not long after. The stranger must have led the guards elsewhere, because there was no further resistance. She continued to nurse her fading migraine as the pirates cheerfully began unloading their cargo and forming up for their takeover of the rest of the station. 

She pushed herself up from the crate she'd been leaning against, and approached Rhein as he directed the pirates. He glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "Where's Lux?" Katarina asked. 

"Ye sound exhausted," he observed. "She and the cap'n are getting ready to go. They'll be along soon enough, and we've got a station to take over before they get here." 

"Right." She nodded faintly. "You should know - I didn't take care of all of the guards. They got pulled off part way through, and they might be coming back with friends."

"Yer kidding." Rhein groaned. "Can ye fend them off, if they do show?"

Katarina nodded. "I'll have to," she murmured. "But I'm still recovering from before."

"Take it easy," he agreed. "We've got things under control here. Just watch the show. And - take one of these." He snatched up a tricorn from the cart behind him, and plopped it on Katarina's hood, though she ripped it off immediately; he laughed. "Look the part, at least!" he taunted. "Alright, mateys, we're off! Knock 'em out and move on! No looting, no killing, til we reach the waters!" 

From shadows, she watched the procession silently. It was actually quite an affair; the scuffle in the employee lounge was brief, and most of the employees came quietly, shocked that there were no guards to defend them. They bound and gagged each and every one, and lined them up in the storeroom, while the cargo team sang shanties and prepared the room for boarding. The evening train slid into station before long, and Rhein's team laid in wait for the passengers to disembark before storming the train and the loading platform, until only they were left to man the station at all. All in all, it was kind of messy and playful, and only really worked because of the large number of men at Rhein's disposal and their ability to frighten the staff into compliance. If the stranger were still here, she could have disrupted the whole thing easily, but all the while Katarina watched and waited for her to show herself, and... she did not. 

Something was troubling her about their encounter. The woman had tried to burn her face, but Katarina hadn't seen how. All she had seen was a brilliant flash of light... not unlike the one Lux had used in the tavern the night before. Had she run into another light mage? 

When the passengers for the evening train began to show, the pirates had all assumed their positions; they attended to the passengers' bags, sold tickets, guided passengers to the loading platform, all the while wearing tattered makeshift uniforms that gave away their nature and speaking brazenly in their Bilgewater dialect. True to Levvy's word, the passengers seemed to think it a riot, and bantered and laughed with each other and the pirates. It was baffling to watch. Did they WANT to be in danger? None of them would laugh if it were Katarina's knife at their neck...

Levvy and Lux approached before long, but Katarina only recognzied the captain, and had to squint to be able to tell it was Lux. They were dressed in strapped and cut-off leathers, accented with lines of vibrant green; Lux had boots that must have had heels in them, because she was as tall as Katarina and slightly taller than Levvy, and her hair must have been a wig because it was vivid blue instead of blonde. But the eyes were there, and her face - while marked with green face paint, under the eyes - was recognizable. The height difference was particularly clever, Katarina thought. 

Levvy bought them both tickets. Lux stayed back, acting shy. She played the wide-eyed newcomer very well here, which Katarina supposed was not so much of an act. She smiled at them as they passed her by; they didn't meet her gaze, but she didn't mind that. She'd catch up with them later. Everything was proceeding smoothly. 

As the two women stopped in the staging area on the platform, Katarina turned back to the ticket gate - and her heart stopped.

The woman was there, armored just as before, with a sickening smile, buying a ticket. 

 

She teleported immediately to the roof, to better observe - and to hopefully be harder to spot. The enforcer passed under her, whistling happily, her steps springy and arms behind her back. She was walking directly for Lux, a faint smile on her face; there was no mistaking her intent. Katarina followed as best she could, but the platform was exposed to the sky and there wasn't anywhere for her to hop to. She had to watch from a distance, palming her knives' handles. Hastily she glanced behind her - guards? Reinforcements? None. She'd come alone. But if she really was a light mage...

"Ah, madam, good evening," the woman cried joyously, bowing before Lux, who turned to face her nonplussed. Katarina caught a split second of utter panic on her face - the same kind that she made just before switching modes, when Katarina caught her talking to herself, or something similarly incriminating. "Have we met before?"

"Oh, hey!" Lux cried, in kind. "But I don't think so! You don't look familiar to me. What's that armor? It's nice. Where'd you get it?"

"It's the official armor of the Order of Illuminators of Demacia," the stranger replied proudly, puffing her chest out. "Surely you've seen it before?"

"I - I might've," Lux replied, tilting her head, "but - aren't you a long ways from Demacia?"

"There's a dangerous fugitive about." Her voice was taking on a playful edge now. Lux's innocent veneer was tough, but the girl didn't seem fooled. "A Demacian exile, wanted for treason. I'm here to ensure the safety of all the passengers today by bringing her to justice." 

"Ah." Lux looked around. "Well, uh... what does she look like?" 

"Come now," the woman giggled. "There's no need for that." 

"I - what?" Lux stepped back hesitantly. "Are you accusing me of - ?"

"What the hell is - ?!" Levvy cried, imposing herself between them. Katarina wondered where she had gone off to in the first place? "Look, Illuminator," she said - 

"Arianne," the woman said coolly. "Lady Arianne Volcif of Silverspir, if you'd like the whole of it. And, I am afraid that on suspicion of treason, your friend is most certainly coming with me."

 

Katarina started to panic. Her mind raced. There had to be a solution to this problem. She had knives on her - and a tricorn hat in her fist - but almost nothing else available, no other resources, and no time. She could certainly make the throw from here, but only if Arianne didn't move, and the risk of hitting a civillian was too high. If Lux panicked, or started a fight - their magic would destroy the platform at best, and the disaster would be impossible to hide. She had to stop Arianne, _NOW._ She looked around wildly - she saw Rhein, emerging from the shipping room, wide-eyed. He clapped his hands and shouted for the pirates to get a move on, and they began ushering people onto the train - but too slow. Lux was too near the back of the crowd. 

...But. If they could skip the line somehow. If in a commotion, perhaps they were able to slip through, and Arianne were not allowed to board. But for that, she would have to somehow draw everyone's attention, in a way that threatened Arianne, but allowed her to command everyone else - Command. That was it!

She hurled a fistful of knives at Arianne's feet. They let out a resounding ringing sound as they pierced the stone tile, and the civillians gathering around cried out in shock and backed away, creating a wide ring around Arianne - Lux and Levvy backed up, too, leaving Arianne to whirl around with a start, hand over her chest. And Katarina teleported down before her, casually scooping up her knives with one hand, grinning.

"You're a persistent one," she laughed. "But you've got the wrong girl, I'm afraid."

"What?!" Arianne gasped. "What are you - ?" 

Behind the Illuminator, Katarina's eyes briefly set with Lux's. Lux's eyes grew very wide, and with no words exchanged, she turned and bolted into the crowd, shouting _Assassin!_ To Katarina's delight this had the exact effect she wanted: the people began to scuttle further away, terrified and confused, but also deeply curious, as though unable to determine whether this was part of the show or not. Lux had escaped, and Katarina only had to hold Arianne's attention.

"No!" Arianne cried, whirling around to see that Lux was gone. "Damn it!" But Katarina teleported in front of her again, grinning broadly, spreading her arms.

"What's the rush?" she cooed. "You fell for the decoy, exactly as I'd hoped. What's a grand party like this without a dash of the unexpected? Your presence was quite timely, I appreciate that quite a bit! Everyone, please, a hand for Arianne Volclif!"

"What are you ranting about?!" Arianne demanded. "Who are you, and where is Luxanna Crownguard!?"

"You'll never find her, I'm afraid," Katarina taunted. "But as for me, you know exactly who I am, don't you? I am, as I appear to be, Katarina Du Couteau!" She slipped down her hood and with a dramatic flourish pulled her hair free of its tie, allowing it to dance in the mountain breeze for a moment, grinning wickedly in the face of the crowds' shock. "But," she added, "I've come into a new title, so I really would appreciate it if you'd call me _Captain_ Du Couteau from now on." And with that, she donned the tricorn, and bowed deeply. "Scourge-to-be of Valoran's many seas, at your service!"

The crowd gasped with delight and began to applaud. Arianne stepped back in shock, wide-eyed, as Katarina straightened again. "I really would like to stay and play with you," Katarina added, "but I've got a show to run and a train to catch, so my schedule is quite tight. Better luck next time on your hunt for the elusive Crownguard, though!" 

"You can't escape me!" Arianne cried, throwing apart her own hands, which began to glow ominously violet. "By the authority granted by the Institute of War and the Illuminators' Order you are under arrest!"

"You'll need more than words and a light show, love," Katarina tutted. 

Arianne clapped her hands together - a bolt of violet light erupted forward from them, and any ordinary person would have been incinerated instantly. Katarina survived only thanks to her ability to teleport. She jumped straight into the air, and landed gracefully on her feet as the blast subsided, with a flourishing bow. But now, the passengers were jiittery again, and understandably so. "I think now's the proper time to say," Katarina called, and she teleported backwards onto a train car, and cupped her hands around her mouth, yelling at the top of her voice: " _ALL ABOARD!_ "

The result was chaos. The remaining passengers scrambled to reach the train, and the pirates scrambled to guide them to their proper cars and seats. Katarina had to surge forward again past the crowd, drawing knives and engaging Arianne in melee, trying to disrupt her spellcasting; Arianne's light-wreathed palms deflected Katarina's blows, but it was a narrow thing, as Arianne's close-quarters training was clearly lacking. Katarina easily fended her off, while the last stragglers slipped inside.

Arianne staggered back, and turned to sprint away. The train blew a shrill whistle; Katarina turned back to see it begin pulling away, and dashed towards it, teleporting atop the last car again as it was accelerating. But as she looked again, she saw Arianne's hands and arms spread, violet pulsing from her palms - she was lining up another laser, and this one not on her, but on the train's engine. If she destroyed the engine they'd be trapped, and Katarina was too far away to reach her! She drew a knife in desperation - 

All at once Katarina was deaf, and the world shook beneath her so violently that she nearly toppled forward onto the loading platform again. She shook her head as her balance returned, but looking up, all was consumed in a plume of black smoke, and she ducked away trying to find her way to the front of the car. The train continued to accelerate, pulling them away from the station and the smoke cloud - Katarina could see that Arianne had fallen to her feet and her spell had dissipated, and looking up, she could see snow tumbling far above into the beginnings of an avalanche. Hopefully that didn't come down on them, or on the station itself!

But the train was building speed quickly now, and they were soon around a bend and out of sight from the station. Turning back towards the walkway, she saw that the cannon had been loaded _out of a window of a passenger car._ She climbed down onto the vestibule, and threw the door open to see Rhein and several of his men cheering and fist-pumping at each other, though over the ringing of her ears she could barely hear them. 

"What - why?!" Katarina cried, bewildered and elated. At the far end of the car, she saw Levvy and Lux watching, and Lux looked to be recovering from the nasty half of a panic attack. Their eyes met; Lux smiled shakily, pressing a hand over her heart, clearly relieved. Levvy, for her part, began laughing uproariously.

"We had to test fire it sooner or later," Rhein laughed. "Works great, uh, 'Captain'!" Katarina was left to shake her head in wonder.


	6. Chapter 6

At some point, it was time to go. 

Lux rarely slept. When she did, she didn't notice. She would black out, laying on her bed or sitting absently at her desk, and awaken in the same place, with no sense of her slumber or her dreams, some hours later. She used to dream - vibrantly, vividly, actually. She didn't know what happened to them, but they were gone now, and she couldn't ever recall them. 

It was early in the morning still when she left. The other students in her wing were sleepy, but social. They gathered in their little cliques and talked about their classes and their classmates, and the various things they were hearing about the world outside - not just outside Demacia, but... outside their walls. No one was allowed out, after all. It was too dangerous. Magic was a dangerous thing, and it had to be carefully tempered before it was safe to wield. A fourteen year old girl could scarcely be trusted with it. 

Distantly, Lux remembered a time when she could become invisible. What raw power that must have been. It was long gone now. She couldn't remember anything more about it; her head throbbed painfully any time she tried. 

She sat at the front of each of her classes. She had been assigned here so that she couldn't wander off or try to escape. She hadn't tried it in a few years now; there was no point. Instead, they asked her pointed questions, and glared at her unsatisfied as she gave quiet, rote answers. She didn't understand what they wanted anymore. She was here, being obedient. Learning, in the most inhumane sense of the word. Why were they still angry with her? 

Beside her, in every class, was Arianne. She always picked up where Lux left off. She had a sharp and cutting voice that drew the attention of everyone in the room. She had something to prove. She was here for a reason. Always, the teachers and the students would look at her, relieved, when she spoke after Lux did. And always, Ariane would look back at her, disgruntled, or disappointed, or... something. 

Some classes they would recite passages of the Measured Tread. Arianne did so with her chest pushed out and head held high, all but singing. Lux still hadn't memorized any of it. When she had stopped making fun of it and really tried to remember, she couldn't get it right, and everyone still thought she was making fun, and she was still punished. So now, she carried a little copy with her, and she read it aloud - but quietly. It hurt her throat and heart to read. 

When they served lunch, she would drift between occupied tables, hoping to claim some table for herself; anymore they were easier to come by, but the search was still accompanied with a sense of dread from the time when they were all taken well before Lux could get to her food. She preferred to find a corner, because otherwise another group of students were more likely to come by and ask her to move. 

But today, Arianne sat across from her. She looked up, confused, frightened. 

"Hey," Arianne murmured. "You're the Crownguard girl, right?" 

No one ever used her name, so she nodded faintly. 

"What's your deal?" Arianne lowered her voice and leaned in. "You're so quiet and mopey. It makes the rest of the class look bad."

"Why are you talking to me?" Lux said, numbly. 

Arianne squinted, chewing her lip. "Some of the teachers think I could be a valedictorian," she said, after a moment. "Get admitted to the officers' academy early. I've been working at this for years." 

Lux nodded her understanding. Like she'd said, Arianne had a reason. 

"Their last test," she continued, "is to make you valedictorian with me." 

Lux blinked. "What?"

"This is our last year before specialization," Arianne continued, urgently. "It's what separates the average from the great. Our instructors all think you have some of the greatest potential of anyone in the school. But no one would ever guess because you're so... well..."

Me, Lux finished. None of this was a surprise to her. 

"So, anyway," Arianne continued, darkly, "I'm not going to let your mopiness stop me from achieving my own goals. So we gotta make you one of the best of the class. And the only thing that holds you back is you're not trying." 

"Yeah," Lux agreed quietly. 

"So - " Arianne wrinkled her nose, clearly confused. "So try? I guess?" 

"Why?"

"Because I will hound you every day and night until I'm satisfied with your effort," Arianne intoned, smiling grimly. Lux supposed that this was meant to be a threat, but it wasn't especially different from what she had already endured. "We're going to do a research project together," she was continuing, "and if I'm not impressed with your contribution, then I'm going to make you do more and more of it until I _am_ impressed. Got it?"

"What if I don't?" Lux asked. 

"You will," Arianne said firmly. 

 

She thought, at first, that Arianne would give up quickly. She was very wrong. 

After their last class, Arianne swept up beside her and invited her to work on their extra project in one of the great libraries, and Lux - understanding this was not something she could viably refuse - followed her. Arianne discussed subject ideas; Lux listened silently. Arianne asked her questions, and Lux answered noncommittally. Arianne stepped closer, inclining her gaze, her lips tightening. 

"This is all for your benefit," she said matter-of-factly. "Maybe you should pick the subject."

"I'll think about it," Lux offered.

"Not enthusiastic enough," Arianne growled. 

Lux blinked, shocked, looking around instinctively. There were other students - even other staff, nearby, watching them. The staff had their eyes firmly on Lux. The students had theirs firmly elsewhere. 

"I-I'll - I'll come up with something good," Lux tried to say louder, with more confidence. 

"You don't have any ideas _right now?_ " Arianne pressed darkly. "After studying here your whole life there hasn't ever been anything you wanted to know more about? Have you even been paying attention? Have you even learned anything?"

"B-But," Lux whimpered, backing away. There was a table behind her, and Arianne was eager to corner her against it. She felt eyes on her, burning into her, and she wished she could vanish. 

...Invisibility! In a flash she remembered! She had been fascinated with that before...

"W-When I was a little girl, I could become invisible," Lux said meekly, trying to smile, trying to seem enthusiastic. _Please, gods, leave me alone, stop making everyone look at me!_ "But I haven't been able to ever do it since --"

"Making things up doesn't make you look good," Arianne huffed. "But that sounds intriguing. So what are you trying to say?"

Lux wanted to protest - to exclaim that she wasn't making it up - but she knew it wouldn't help. Arianne didn't care. "We could research invisibility magic," she offered hopefully. "Maybe... ways a person can become invisible just by... by walking in the right place? Through light refraction?"

"Light refraction?" Arianne's eyebrows rose. Her voice settled into a more approachable tone, and she smiled kindly, though a watchful venom lingered in her eyes. "This sounds like a good start into researching light magic," she said softly. "I'd really like to be a light mage. How about you?"

Lux nodded, eager to be done with this conversation, rather than out of any actual agreement. 

"Alright, Crownguard," Arianne declared, grinning. "We'll research light magic."

But it didn't end there. 

The next day, in classes, Lux was called on: "Crownguard, do you recall the earliest use of anti-magic as an offensive tool?"

And she gave a quiet, rote answer: "In the year 316, it was used to suppress enemy troops for a surprise attack by Admiral-Sage Haussen, in the Battle of Lindebrook."

Beside her, Arianne growled. She looked over in surprise to see Arianne glaring at her - then the teacher glaring at her. And then she realized the whole class was glaring at her. 

_Not enthusiastic enough._

She panicked. She had to say something else, something more, somehow! "A-And, um," she stammered, "it - it proved very effective in that particular situation, but - but other mages' attempts to apply it were often failures and antimagic was deemed impractical offensively - " 

"But it isn't seen that way now," her instructor said, smiling faintly. Lux felt so openly exposed, as if she were standing before a jury, rather than her classmates. "Why is that, Crownguard?"

"W-Well," she gulped, "with more modern advancements into field projections, it's easier to target small areas with antimagic and use mobile ground troops like cavalry to run down back-line support or artillery casters without allowing them to fight back." 

"And a battle mage's surest defense against such a tactic is...?"

"A keen awareness of the range of antimagic fields and the mobility to evade or escape those fields without being noticed."

"Not quite," her instructor sighed, turning to Arianne. "Volclif?"

"You don't need to evade or escape if the enemy doesn't know you're there in the first place," Arianne growled, angrily - her eyes still on Lux, as if reprimanding her specifically, rather than answering a question. Lux wilted back into her seat as she spoke. "A unit of mages' best defense against antimagic is to strike first and leave no room for counterattack," she finished icily. "Everything else is a redundancy."

"Excellent summation," the instructor said calmly. "From this, we extrapolate the importance - and the synergy - of highly mobile magic units, from which many common stereotypes and strategies are derived..."

And it continued. Arianne would not let her be. If Lux tried to retire to her dorm, Arianne sought her out and they worked on their research until late into the evening. In class, Arianne would glare at her until she gave full answers, and sometimes even deflect questions from herself to Lux, just to force her to speak more. She hated to be judged, to be stared at and waited on. If they didn't notice her, she could stay forever, but if they saw her and judged her... surely, she would be cast out. She would be thrown away, again and again. Until they gave her to the wolves.

 

A week passed. Then three weeks. Their research project took shape, and they began arranging a small, delicate test setup, which they hoped would render things invisible at certain times of the day. The calculations required were staggering, and Arianne split them down the middle with Lux, expecting entire setups planned out and arranged by the end of the next day - around all of their classes, all of Lux's other classwork. And all of Arianne's, as well.

Lux tried her hardest to be excited about their experiment. After all, those rare, fleeting moments - standing in the great hall of the private school she'd attended as a girl, watching the shimmering prismatic display as it settled around her and obscured her from sight - they were some of her most precious, beautiful memories, and she'd always longed to understand how it happened and to make it happen again. But it was so hard to remember any details. The event felt foggy; everything felt choked by smoke or mist, and she couldn't pick out any of the key details. She knew that it had to do with the colors and refractive properties of the stained glass all around, but something else had to be going on - something about the light was magical... right? 

But none of that made any sense. She tried to explain it to Arianne, but Arianne wouldn't have any of it. "It must have been magical," she snorted. "Magic behaves in ways we've never seen or understood before on a daily basis. As researchers it's our job to see it and understand it. So quit giving up so early." But it didn't make any _sense,_ Lux always wanted to protest; the windows were ordinary colored glass, the light was ordinary sunlight, and it followed her wherever she went for a little while, so it clearly wasn't a passing illusion. Some other force had to be at work. But there was no point; Arianne was not listening to her. They weren't here to discover. They were here to make Lux work. 

The third time they recalibrated their test harness, there came an awkward pause, as they stared absently at the four-foot tall arrangement of glass and scaffolding, each with haphazard smatterings of paper all around them. Lux glanced over at Arianne... and Arianne blinked sleepily at the test device, before sluggishly returning her gaze.

"Arianne," she breathed. "I'm so exhausted. Haven't we worked hard enough on this for a while...?"

"It's the afternoon heat," Arianne said dismissively, waving her hand. "We can work through it."

"I haven't slept in days," Lux whimpered. 

"You should be working faster, then," Arianne grumbled. 

Lux stared at her in despair. Arianne stared back. At length, she looked away, and sighed angrily. 

"Fine," she huffed. "We'll stop here, and take a break tomorrow, and come back to it after that."

"Okay," Lux gasped, heaving a great sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Arianne." 

But even on their day off, Lux could not relax. Arianne didn't come to sit with her at lunch, but Lux could barely eat, she was so anxious. An hour later, what little food she _had_ forced down came back up as she hurriedly ducked into a closet between classes. When classes ended, Lux paced the Academy's many halls, shivering and starving. It had been a hobby of hers since she was very, very small - to pace, to explore, when she was stressed. She didn't know why she expected it to help her. Most of the time, it just meant she got lost or exhausted herself, and she was sure it looked very strange to other students. 

On weekends, the staff wing tended to clear out (instructors were allowed to retire for the weekend, of course) and became safe for her to walk in. So, here she slowed, hugging herself and huddling close to the wall. She walked softly, afraid to make too much noise and have a teacher leave their office to berate her for making noise or disrupting their work or something similar. If she had been walking or breathing at a normal volume, she might not have heard.

But she did hear: the sound of someone slamming hands on a desk. 

She froze, her breath caught in her throat. It had come from the room behind the wall next to her. "I didn't ask for your excuses," the instructor inside was snarling. "She's a delinquent, and you are shirking your duty to reform her!" 

"One day can't hurt her," another voice protested. Lux's stomach plummetted: it was Arianne's. "She's trying so hard, and it's wearing her down! If I keep pushing her - "

"She has higher potential than you," the instructor seethed. "You're suppressing her so she won't surpass you." 

"No!" Arianne cried, horrified. "It's not like that!" 

"Did you think your crimes were forgotten, Volclif? Or even forgiven?" 

"I was six!" Arianne's voice cracked. Lux curled her fingers over her lips. "I've worked so hard to prove that I'm trustworthy! Please, why can't you app-"

" _Silence!!_ "

They paused. Lux could imagine the teacher heaving for breath, veins popping with rage. She couldn't imagine Arianne's face at all. 

"We've made your stakes very clear, Volclif," the instructor wheezed. "There are no failures from this Academy. If the fire of justice is as strong in you as you claim, then it will ignite Crownguard's passion, and you will have proven yourself. If it doesn't... there won't be any more discussion, and we won't accept any more excuses."

"Please, no," Arianne choked. "I can't... You can't send me out there... I-I'll be a disgrace..."

"You already are a disgrace," the instructor snorted. "Get out of my sight." 

Lux gulped... and turned and ran. 

 

The next day, Arianne resumed goading her. Lux tried not to crumble or hesitate, but just to do her very best, to provide the answer that Arianne or the instructor wanted. By that evening, Arianne didn't seem as angry as usual. She seemed exhausted instead. So Lux tried to take charge of the work. 

"I actually started on some of our calculations last night," she said hopefully, laying out a few sheets of paper before Arianne, who looked them over with a dull half-interest. "I tried to start with the ones that gave us trouble in the past," Lux continued, "thinking maybe I'll identify any errors quickly and we can iterate without committing all of this effort to calibrating a model that won't work anyway. And as you can see here, I ran into a few contradictions that clearly show that the central foci need to be elevated a few inches." 

"I told you," Arianne murmured darkly, and she had, so Lux nodded apologetically. 

"I'm glad that I was able to catch it so quickly this time," Lux said softly. "This way I didn't have to make you waste a bunch of extra effort. I- I'm working faster, I guess. Like you said."

Arianne nodded, and sat back. "So. If we move the central foci up..." 

She trailed off, staring through the model, absently. Lux saw her eyes unfocus. Hesitantly, she looked around. Tonight there was no one here with them. It was a weekend, after all. 

"Arianne," Lux said softly, "um... I know that we're working, but you seem distracted."

"I'm fine," Arianne snapped, shaking her head and leaning forward again. "If we move the central foci up --" 

Lux touched her wrist delicately, and she stopped and looked up at Lux. 

"I..." Lux bit her lip. She had been planning this conversation all day, and all of the night before. It was all she could think about. Standing here, staring Arianne in the face, it was terrifying - but she repeated to herself in her mind the sound of Arianne on the verge of tears, and remembered that this girl was just a girl, like her. Not a teacher. Not an enemy. 

"I really appreciate everything you've done for me," she whispered. "I've come to care about you a lot, Arianne." 

Arianne's eyes widened. She remained silent. 

"I wanted to ask you about something," Lux continued. "Something... kind of personal. If that's okay." 

"It's not," Arianne said hastily. "And how dare you." 

Lux shrunk back, defeated. "O-Okay," she sighed. "Okay. I'm sorry." 

"Why would you - think I would - ?" Arianne stood up, putting distance between them, folding her arms tightly. "You're a disgrace, and I'm only here helping you because it'll help me get into officers' academy. If I get anywhere near you your delinquency might rub off on me."

"Yeah," Lux sighed, smiling sadly. "You're... you're right. I'm trying my best to learn from you, Arianne. I felt like maybe... you... understood me." 

Arianne's eyes grew wider still, and the color drained from her face. "What are you...?" 

"It's fine, though," Lux gasped, waving her hand dismissively - she hadn't thought that Arianne would react so negatively to this, and she panicked. "It's okay. I know I'm just... not good enough, not like you are, and that's all there is to it. B-But I'll do my very best for you, okay?"

Arianne stared at her in horror. Lux couldn't look back. She wrung her hands and turned her gaze away. 

"Crownguard," Arianne said lowly. "You aren't doing all of this for _me_ , are you?" 

"Wh- what?" Lux looked up, startled. "I... well, sort of, I am! You've got to be working so hard for me, to... to help me reach my own potential, and... I really appreciate that, and - "

"I'm not doing it _for_ you," Arianne interrupted. "I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do." 

Lux knitted her brow, crossing her arms defensively. "What do you mean? That doesn't mean I can't - "

"That's what Demacians _do_ ," Arianne said, her voice rising. "The _right thing._ Demacians have only one loyalty, and that's to the crown, and if you're acting on anyone else's behalf that's - that's treason. So are you a traitor, Crownguard!?"

"What?!" Lux stepped back further. "No!! I'm - I'm not!"

"Why did you come to this school?" Arianne demanded, stepping forward. "Why do you study magic? Why are you doing this research, why do you answer when the teacher calls on you?"

"I don't know!" Lux whimpered. "I don't have a reason!"

"You _do_ have a reason!" Arianne roared. "It's the only reason that matters, and it's because that's what Demacia needs you to do! So don't do any of this just because _I_ told you to! Do it because it's the _right thing!_ "

Lux didn't say anything. 

Arianne quickly straightened, and gathered her breath. "You can go for tonight," she added tersely. "We won't get anything done with you simpering like this. Come back tomorrow and show me your conviction." 

Lux nodded, and turned to leave. 

"And Crownguard?"

She froze.

"Do not... _ever_... speak to me in such a familiar manner, _ever_ again." Arianne's voice was quivering. Lux thought at first with rage... but then she wondered. She didn't dare look back to see. "Do not use my first name. Do not thank me for picking up after your mess. And don't you dare ever think I would bother trying to understand you. Understand?"

"Yes," Lux breathed. 

"Get out of my sight."

 

She found herself wandering again, late at night. There was no point in even pretending she could sleep. The air in the Academy felt stale and suffocating; she knew there was a balcony and some lookout towers, though they were off-limits to students. Not that she especially cared about that anymore. It didn't really register to her. She just knew she had to go there, and breathe. 

But the night air was hardly any improvement. All around her, as she padded silently around the balcony, were grand monuments and statues and buildings - testaments to the strength of the unity of Demacia, as her father had once said, when she was very small. Through order and cooperation, everyone benefitted. A kingdom prospered on the back of Demacian justice. A justice that demanded that she do "the right thing".

She knew what was wrong with her, now. All these years she couldn't understand. She was just wrong. Wrong as a human being, as a living creature. She did the wrong things. She cared about the wrong things. When she thought she was helping people, what she was doing was wrong. When she thought she'd found something exciting and unique, she was wrong. Her parents had given up trying to explain it to her. The Academy was their last recourse. Either she came out of this place doing the right thing, or...

...she didn't. 

She took off her shoes, though she didn't really know why. Barefoot, she circled the stone watchtowers flanking the balcony, before entering one and ascending to its battlements. The ground beneath her feet was sturdy, but cold. She felt weak beneath it, just as she felt beneath every one of Demacia's monuments. They didn't stand for her - they never had. They stood against her. Against the element of "wrongness" that pervaded her heart, whatever it was. 

When she reached the top, the wind had picked up, and her hair blew behind her, clearing her vision. She grasped the stone battlements to either side of her, and lifted herself up onto the space between them, at first meaning to sit... but then... standing, instead. All around her the world stayed motionless. It was all one unified earth, a single monument of many huge parts. Only she teetered, only she could not find her balance in this beautiful and perfected arrangement of metal and rock. 

She looked down. 

The street was very, very, very far below her. 

She screamed, and lost her balance - flailing backwards, she stumbled and fell back into the tower's nest, safely. Her heart pounded in her chest and she gasped desperately for breath - though, within seconds, she flipped over and vomited onto the floor beside her, coughing and dry-heaving as the last of her stomach's meager contents was emptied. Shaking, she pushed herself into a sitting position and scooted away until she felt stone against her back, and she curled up there, trying to gather her breath. 

What... what had she almost done...? She... she couldn't really be... THAT wrong... could she? 

_It's the right thing to do._

"No," she whimpered, "no no no, it can't be. I don't want to die! I want - I want to be useful to people! I want to make a difference! I want to bring light and peace and happiness to people's lives! That's all I've ever wanted!"

_But that isn't the right thing to do. The right thing for you to do is disappear._

"How do you know that?!" she cried. "How can you - how can you erase my entire existence, everything I ever wanted to do?!"

_I'm only telling you what you already know. It's not for us to decide._

"I don't want to die," Lux sobbed. "Please... anything but that..."

_You have to disappear._

"There has to be another way!"

_No. You can't stay. You have to vanish._

"I could run away...?"

"No. No, I'll get caught and nothing will change."

"I have to disappear... I can't keep being me. I can't keep doing - whatever it is I'm doing wrong."

"I have to do the _right_ thing. I already know what the right thing is, I just... I just have to do it."

"Even though it's not me. Even though it's not what I would do. It's the right thing, and that's the only thing that matters."

"I wouldn't have helped people anyway, doing the wrong thing, would I? That's - that's silly talk. Of course I wouldn't have. I was just stupid, before."

"But now I understand. Now I'll do everything right, and I really will make a difference." 

She smiled. She looked up. The stars were so very beautiful tonight, and the moon shone cheerily from its partial angle in the sky. But it was very late! She gasped, and remembered that she was somewhere she wasn't supposed to be. So, as silently as she could, she scurried away, back to the balcony where her shoes were, and back into the building where she was allowed. As she walked, she considered: what to do next? Should she sleep? Or should she work on her project more? The project was exciting. But sleep was more important for now. So, that was what she would do. 

Then in the morning she would go to class, she would answer her questions with enthusiasm, and instead of sitting by herself like a useless loner, she would take her lunch to the library and work on their project. Clearly, their current approach wasn't working. She needed to find a new way to calibrate their model. Something that would work conclusively, instead of being so trial-and-error. 

Her smile grew. That sounded like fun. Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

 

She heard Volclif come in, but waited for her to say something, instead of prompting her. She was rather busy moving around all the mirrors, after all. "What have you done?" Volclif breathed, at length.

"The model was wrong," Lux said curtly, looking up at her briefly before going back to work. "We were trying to replicate a very precise and delicate situation I could barely remember. We'll never make progress that way. The _right_ way to approach an experiment like this is to try to brute force a result, and reverse engineer how we achieved it.

"So, I'm going to try to create a refractive model that we can control via magic, and we'll see if we can turn something invisible with an indirect light spell. There are a finite number of combinations to try, right? So we just run through the list of combinations, and either we get our result, or we don't. Either way we have valuable results to publish and a possible new research subject next semester."

Volclif was silent. Lux referenced her notes, glanced up at the model, and then looked back at Volclif, smiling cheerfully. "Sound good?"

"You're brilliant," Volclif whispered - and she, too, was beaming. Lux saw deep in her eyes a glimmer of relief. "Alright. Let me see your work. I want to make sure I understand all of this before we get too far in."

"Oh, of course. Two minds are better than one!" She happily assembled her math from her lunchtime break, and handed them over, and Volclif sat beside her and began to thumb through them. Lux stood back a bit, and admired her handiwork.

It was far from done, of course. But it was a start, and she knew she was going in the right direction now. And that was all that mattered.


	7. Chapter 7

Lux jolted awake.

A quick glance out the window was enough to ascertain her current situation: dark outside, train still rolling through the mountains, and in front of her Kat was still slumped against the wall in her seat, fitfully asleep. Nothing was amiss; yet, Lux's heart raced, and would not calm down. 

She curled up in her seat, hiding behind her hands. Nightmares weren't exactly new to her, especially since fleeing the Institute, thuogh this particular one - this felt less like a nightmare, and more like a memory. They weren't usually like that; they were usually all exactly the same: she knelt before herself, in horrible pain and with a crushing weight on her limbs; she struggled to stand, as the doppelganger towered over her with a snide smile. "Pathetic," the doppelganger might sneer. Lux could never speak, never move, save to strain helplessly against the weight, before light - or fire, or water - would engulf her, and she would wake in a panic.

It was not exactly strange to consider that this nightmare had some kind of meaning - especially with the frequency and reliability of its recurrence. Ultimately, though, she was simply too exhausted and her nerves too frayed to make anything of it... especially now that Arianne had showed herself. Of course, of all the Illuminators, it... it had to be her. Arianne had come to do her job properly: to send Lux away to oblivion, the final rejection. It was foolish of her to ever think she could get away. 

She looked through her fingers at Katarina. The girl looked troubled, fists curled, brow tight. But she could fight, Lux observed. Lux...

...No, she knew where that train of thought was going. She pushed herself up slowly, groaning and shaking her head. She had tried to tell herself that she was going to move past this, and take responsibility for herself, instead of just limply waiting for the end to come. But she just couldn't convince herself. The best she could do right now was distract herself.

Briskly, she strode out into the train car, and slunk forward to the next, and the next after that. The pirates were busy entertaining their passengers, and neither of them paid her any mind, which she direly appreciated; having anyone's eyes on her - except, most of the time, Katarina - always stirred her insides and flooded her with needling anxiety, and she preferred to avoid that feeling whenever she could. She just hoped to find some fresh air, and she knew towards the back of the train was an observation deck, outside the last car. There were fewer and fewer passengers the further back she went, until she was pushing through the cargo cars, and then... 

...the deck.

Cool night air chilled her skin, relief rippling through her as she breathed it in, eyes closed. It was dark, and yet faintly luminous, the starlight dancing playfully across her body as they twinkled far above; she felt invisible, but that she could see, and that feeling soothed her. She smiled and turned her eyes skyward. She ought to look at the stars for a bit. 

"Fresh air feel nice?"

Lux jumped and yelped - it was just Levvy, though, who laughed softly and raised her hands peacefully, as Lux calmed down. It had been a bit tough to trust Levvy at first, but she was a kind enough lady and took good care of her; she certainly had made Lux look quite attractively Zaun, as well, and she had to admire that talent. A strange heat had bloomed in her mind at being startled, and it was becoming a droning, pulsing headache; she pressed a hand to her temple, trying to ease it away. 

"Ye look pale," Levvy sighed, her smile fading. "Something on your mind?" 

"Why are you here?" Lux asked quietly. "Shouldn't you be at the front of the train?"

"I'm captain of the ship," Levvy snorted, "not of the train. There's a lass by the name 'o Liz that knows how to run the train, she takes care of that business up front. Me, I like to catch the mountain air, say goodbye to the hills before I get ready to set sail." 

Lux nodded faintly. That made sense. "I've always liked being in the mountains," she murmured, not sure why she was saying it. 

"They're gorgeous, for sure," Levvy agreed, "but too desolate for me. The sea's a lively place. Sure, at times, it's lonely. But it'll keep you sharp on your toes. That's much more to my liking."

"I've never sailed," Lux admitted. 

"Have you not?" Levvy chuckled. "They say in Bilgewater ye don't know yourself 'til ye've slept upon the waves, with not another soul within sight." The idea of being so utterly alone made Lux sick to her stomach. "But, it's not for everyone," Levvy was continuing wistfully. "If nothing else I'd like to take ye to meet the Kraken Priestess. Katarina ought to hear her speak."

"The Kraken Priestess," Lux repeated softly. She'd heard the term; as a Demacian spy, she had approximate knowledge of hundreds of dossiers, many of them seemingly pointless. But something in her loved to consume trivia like that. "A follower of Nagakabouros...?" 

"The Bearded Lady takes no followers, strictly speaking," Levvy admonished. "But I'm impressed, for ye to know of her."

"An avaricious god," Lux continued under her breath, "who preaches absolute loyalty only to one's own desires, and that no other goals matter." 

"Said that way," Levvy murmured, "you make us sound like barbarians."

"You _are_ pirates," Lux observed icily.

Levvy laughed uproariously. "Aye, so we are!" she bellowed, beaming. "And what of it? No one comes out onto these seas and flies a bloody flag without making the choice to do it. We're slaves to no one, masters of our own lives. Can ye say that much about yourself? Or Katarina?" 

Lux again felt hot, and the headache intensified. She averted her gaze, focusing on the mountains, the calm night, the sweet starlight. Blood pounded in her veins - from anger or anxiety or illness she didn't know.

"Come to think of it, what's come over you?" Levvy asked, now crestfallen. "Ye still seem pretty pale, and ye haven't been the sort to pick fights like this before now. Are you feeling well? Ye've been skittish and nervous ever since that woman showed up."

_Tell her you're fine,_ Lux's thoughts urged. _Tell her you're fine and she'll leave you alone._ But was that what Lux wanted? 

"I'm fine," Lux said, sighing briskly. "Sorry. I had a bit of an unpleasant dream - woke up on the wrong side of the train car, I guess you could say."

"Happens to the best of us," Levvy agreed, a bit warily. Lux turned back to her, smiling. Her headache was gone, and Levvy looked cautiously relieved as Lux met her gaze. On the one hand, it was satsifying to diffuse her concern. On another... Lux did _not_ feel well. She was feeling only worse. Somehow. Was she?

"I meant to ask you about Katarina," Lux added cheerfully. "You were worried about her, back at the Last Call, yes?" 

"Aren't you?" Levvy said gravely. "Maybe ye don't know her as well as I do, but that's a girl that'll run herself into an early grave if she's not careful, and that's not because of the enemy she's up against. She'd kill herself sewing if that was what she set her mind to."

"Yes, I've noticed she's a particularly... driven... woman." Lux pouted. This wasn't really entirely true; Katarina had suggested they give up the chase back at the Institute when Lux was panicking, and she had looked so hurt, so disappointed in... herself, at Levvy's advice. 

"You care about her, don't you?" Levvy asked. Lux felt - funny. Her stomach felt contorted. She smiled prettily, and forced out the word yes. 

...Forced? Why...? She DID care about Katarina! She _did._

"Gods only know why," Levvy sighed. "But - take care, and remember what I said back there. She can't just go on chasing the glory of a dead family forever. All she'll do is follow them to oblivion, and she'll have lived a miserable existence. She deserves to be happy."

Lux nodded. She believed this, very firmly. But she couldn't make herself say so, or - really anything. _Be quiet,_ her thoughts snarled. It was probably fair; she had nothing worthwhile to say, certainly not worth interrupting Levvy with. 

"The same goes for you," Levvy added seriously. "It goes for everyone. That's the way of Nagakabourous." 

Lux laughed shrilly. "Oh, that's - not how I work," she stammered. She didn't know what that meant. What was she trying to say here? Why was she talking back?

"I don't know what ye mean by that," Levvy said morosely, folding her arms. "You're still human, aren't you?" Lux nodded, still smiling, but the sickness in her stomach was growing very intense, and the headache was returning, too. "You don't intend to go back to Demacia, do you?" Levvy asked.

"I... uh..." _The answer is no. I don't want to go back. I'm never going back to that! I hate it! It - it ruined me!_

_No, you've failed it, and you're running away. Don't try to pretend this isn't all your fault. If you had just been good enough and done the right thing like you were SUPPOSED to, none of this would have ever happened. There's no point in running. The right thing to do is turn yourself in and swear your loyalty to Demacia. There may still be a chance to turn this back around, if you'll just - ___

__"Lux," Levvy said, firmly. "Lux, look at me."_ _

__Lux blinked, gasping - she was breathing heavily, and her body ached as if she had been running. But she hadn't moved. Levvy carefully held her shoulders, staring into her face with stern eyes._ _

__"Don't go back there," she ordered._ _

__"Nonsense," Lux snapped, tearing herself away. "I'll do as I please."_ _

__"That's not what your eyes say," Levvy growled. "And besides, you know the only thing waiting for you there is an execution, don't you? There's no point to going back, at all, except to throw your life away. And it's worth more than that."_ _

__"I appreciate your concern," Lux replied - though it was more of a barely restrained shout - "but I will decide what is right for myself, thank you!"_ _

__She whirled and stormed back into the train. But she didn't know where else to go. She wound up pacing back and forth in the cargo car for several moments, arms tightly folded and fuming angrily. Except she didn't know what she was saying, and her headache and fatigue only grew worse. Until, sluggishly, she pulled herself back to the cabin she and Katarina had taken, and slumped onto her seat again._ _

__Not that she intended to sleep. There was no way she was going to get back to sleep. Not like this._ _

__

__Levvy came in a little while after that; when she did, Lux quickly uncurled herself, and Katarina sat up from the bench, blinking and shaking her head - but turning her attention swiftly to the captain. Lux wondered if she had been sleeping after all...? How long had she been awake? "Rise and shine," Levvy purred, smirking at the both of them. "We'll be arriving within a few minutes. Gives us some time to chat."_ _

__"What now?" Katarina groaned. Lux shared the sentiment._ _

__"I just wanted to ask," Levvy continued, "what exactly was your plan, once you got here?"_ _

__Plan. Lux had forgotten. She'd tried very hard to just leave everything to Katarina, and not to worry - but being reminded now, she was anxious to find out. They'd made it to Zaun... so what next?_ _

__"We'd figure it out," Katarina grumped. Lux couldn't help but slump a little. How could she still just say that? "Zaun's a big place."_ _

__"Not an especially safe one," Levvy tutted. "Well, we're only going to be in town for a week or so, but why don't ye stay on the ship while we're getting ready? Makes a better hiding place than most, especially with the deal we've got with the docks."_ _

__"I don't..." Katarina began to protest, but caught Lux's eye. Lux didn't know what she looked like - probably nervous - but whatever it was, it seemed to shake Katarina's resolve. She sighed heavily, and nodded. "That's probably for the best," she muttered defeatedly._ _

__"Good t' hear," Levvy said cheerfully. "Since you helped us so crucially with this trip over, we'll give ye a share of the pay, as it were, but after that I think ye're on your own."_ _

__"We'll be fine," Katarina said levelly. She looked back at Lux. "That okay with you, if we stay on the ship while we figure out our next moves?"_ _

__"It's as good a place as any," Lux replied evenly._ _

__That settled, Levvy went on her way. Katarina sighed and buried her face in her hands for a few moments, as Lux watched. "There's something else we should probably talk about," the assassin murmured; Lux perked up again, eyes widening. "The Illuminator that came after us... didn't look fooled, and she absolutely knows I'm here, if nothing else."_ _

__Lux nodded numbly. Of course, Katarina didn't know that Lux and Arianne were... acquainted. She wondered if she should say something._ _

__"That means the Illuminators will be on to us," Katarina continued. "We'll be almost impossible to find in Zaun, even if they know to look for a ship, but still... it's probably best that we limit our time in the area."_ _

__Lux frowned. "But - the only way out is... to take the train again. Do you think we could just slip by them going the other direction...?"_ _

__"Not really much of a point," Katarina murmured. "I guess we might be able to, but they'd have to be pretty stupid."_ _

__"Not much of a point?" Lux's frown deepened, and she folded her arms. "It gets us back into Noxus, and throws off our pursuers, giving us more breathing room. Right? I thought out current objective was to buy time for us to safelty gather intel about Leblanc. Wasn't it?"_ _

__Katarina was silent. She looked away, her eyelids drooping._ _

__"Katarina?" Lux blinked, and leaned in closer. "Are... are you alright?"_ _

__"I'm... just not sure about this whole thing," she murmured. "I hate to admit it, Lux, but... I think you may have been right about our options, back at the Institute. I don't know how much we'll be able to find out, or... if it's even worth looking."_ _

__Lux took in a sharp breath, growing suddenly very cold. She didn't know what to say to this - it was so unexpected, and yet even as she'd thought about it, she should have expected it, shouldn't she? After the way she'd reacted to Levvy's advice... this must have been on Katarina's mind the whole day. But where did that leave them...?_ _

__"Lux," Katarina sighed, "do you... do you feel particularly strongly about taking down Leblanc?"_ _

__"We have to," Lux said slowly. "or else we'll both be hunted forever."_ _

__"That's not true," Katarina pointed out. "There are places we can go - places we have access to, right now, in fact - that they won't follow us. I'm not saying I think we've trapped ourselves, I just... I can't help but wonder if I'm dragging you into my business when you don't need to be - when... _neither_ of us really need to be here." _ _

__"Well," Lux sighed briskly, "I appreciate the sentiment, but you don't know the Illuminators like I do, I'm afraid. They won't give up. We could go all the way to Bilgewater and still need to keep and eye for their sails on the horizon. All I can do is either run away, or prove myself innocent. Or turn myself in, I guess! That's technically still an option."_ _

__"No," Katarina growled, "it's not."_ _

__"I'm just saying it for the record," Lux added defensively. "That's all. So --"_ _

__"And don't assume the only way to get the Illuminators off our backs is to deal with Leblanc," Katarina added darkly. "If you're so worried about them, then _they_ should be the priority. Not her." _ _

__"I - but..." Lux frowned. "But if we deal with Leblanc... I... well... hm." Her smile deflated. "It seems like a waste of energy for you to be worrying about the Illuminators," she said quietly. "Don't you think? They're not after you."_ _

__"They're after _us._ " Katarina frowned, too. "What's going on, Lux? I... I thought we were... working together, you know? I mean, I can't expect you to do more for me than you already have, but you know I was serious when I said I wouldn't let you die, right?" _ _

__"It's sweet of you to say that," Lux murmured, looking away. "But I don't know if it's a promise you'll be able to keep."_ _

__They fell into tense silence after that. Lux did not look up to meet her gaze, and Katarina did not speak._ _


	8. Chapter 8

Lux had never been to Zaun before. It was certainly a sight to behold, if not necessarily a beautiful one; huge towers and ornate skyscrapers, wrought of black metal and hewn from dark stone, pierced the sky and created a looming and forboding presence. The train station itself was built on a massive raised walkway, and looking down, Lux could see many levels of similar walkways and boulevards beneath her before she became nauseous and had to look away. 

She was deathly afraid of heights. Only recently had she remembered why.

There was no security force waiting for them at the station; the pirates and passengers disembarked all together, and the Zaunite employees seemed to ignore them entirely. Lux noted how well she fit in. She had had reservations about her outfit - particularly the amount of skin it showed around her midriff and thighs - but that just seemed to be the fashion here. Instinctively, she ruffled the hair of her wig, trying to give it volume as though it were her own hair. She couldn't wait to take it off. 

Most of Levvy's crew went in their own directions, save the cargo team. Once they'd loaded their various goods, including the cannon, onto a cart Levvy led the lot of them down to the docks, many levels below. Though, as they approached, Lux uneasily noted that over the more sturdy land there were still more levels below sea level. Levvy's ship, in the meanwhile, was about as Lux expected; not a grand galleon but certainly quite large, with two huge sails and four cannon to a side. Except on the port side... one was missing, and the hull there showed signs of hasty repairs with tar and scrap wood.

It took most of the evening to get everything into the ship, and by that time, everyone was exhausted. So they didn't spend any more time socializing. She and Katarina were shown to a bunk below the main deck and that was that. 

Lux had a better chance to take in their surroundings the next morning. Across the water, in the distance, she could see the shining skyline of Piltover; running from some higher district of the city, a great rail line lanced out over the water, borne by huge steel supports that jutted out high over the sea, and leading directly to Piltover itself. The water was littered with boats, as well - tankers and cargo barges and sailing ships and steam paddles - but they were all dwarfed by the bridge.

The skyline behind, meanwhile, rose up in tiers, though thinking of the lower levels closer to the mountains she realized that the buildings closest to the mountains must be... _unbelievably_ tall. She felt a little sick just thinking about it. Why had she even come here? 

One of the pirates - Liz, the girl Levvy had mentioned the night before, who drove the train - took out out to get her a few additional outfits for her disguise; it was a fun distraction, and certainly nothing like Demacia. The lower levels of the city were so tightly packed together as to feel claustrophobic. But Lux kind of liked it. 

Even so, it only served as a distraction, because she felt _horrible._ Her thoughts drifted again and again to conversations from the night before. She had been doing so well, especially after they'd left the Institute, but there was no denying that the Problem was still there, looming inside her. She had already mostly cornered it, figured out what it was, but... she was no closer to overcoming it than before. 

It. The voice of reason. The voice of Demacia. _The right thing to do._

She couldn't remember how long ago she had first begun to hear it. As far back as the Academy, she knew it had been there, continually guiding her. For a long time, it had served her well, and made her into Luxanna Crownguard, surprise pride of the Crownguard family, cheerful philanthropic ambassador of Demacia. She'd been proud of herself, she felt like she'd grown up. But then, when Katarina came to her... something changed. 

The values in Lux's heart had said: _help her._ The Voice had said something else. But for the first time in... maybe ever, she'd listened to her own heart instead, and... now all of this had happened. 

It wasn't like she'd really seen it that way at first. It had taken a while of silently studying, pondering, and listening for her to really understand what was going on; something inside of her was telling her what the right thing to do was, but its voice was becoming unreliable. Or... was it? Had it faltered from her or had she faltered from it? She didn't know. But what she did know was, she was worrying the people around her. It was getting bad, and she had to do something... somehow. 

But she couldn't placate it by listening to it, because all it wanted was to send her to Demacia, and... sure, okay, maybe she _could_ magically earn a pardon for herself, but that would entail doing horrible things. 

_Killing a Noxian isn't a horrible thing._

NO. She would NOT KILL KATARINA. She would not frame Katarina for a crime she had not committed! 

She tried to stifle the train of thought before it could get started; she'd been around that problem numerous times before and it wasn't sorting itself out any faster. 

Katarina, for her part, had dressed as one of Levvy's crew, and spent most of the morning working with the other pirates to get Levvy's ship ready - a matter of courtesy, Lux supposed, as thanks for allowing them to stay. Lux sat on a crate on deck and watched for a little while, expecting to be put to work, but the pirates greeted her heartily and left her alone instead. She did her best to focus on the gentle bobbing of the sea and the waves beneath the ship, driving away her thoughts. But she was never good at emptying her mind. She would make a terrible monk.

She heard Katarina call out to someone that she was going ashore, and looked up - but Katarina was not going ashore; she pranced over and sat beside Lux with a heavy sigh, grinning. She had a bit of a sweat built up, but nothing serious. Lux supposed someone like her would enjoy light physical labor. To each their own!

"The pirates treating you well?" Katarina asked coyly. Lux nodded, managing to smile back.

"They're very nice," Lux observed softly. Katarina nodded.

"The thing about pirates is," Katarina sighed, "they're very passionate people. I looked up to that as a girl. They were vicious and bloodthirsty when they were angry, but some of the kindest and most devoted friends you could make. I learned a lot from them." 

"You're so much calmer than they are, though," Lux said. "I wouldn't ever really mistake you for one of them."

"You think so?" Katarina murmured. "Huh." 

They were quiet for a few moments. The ship bobbed gently in the tide beneath them. For Lux, it was still a bit strange to feel her center of balance shifting constantly, but Katarina and the other pirates seemed not to be bothered by it. It was something they were clearly used to. She wondered what it was like setting foot on land again, after being on the sea for long enough. 

"You said you were going ashore," Lux began. "Sightseeing?"

"Oh!" Katarina all but squeaked. Lux looked over at her, rather startled, only to see Katarina looking away and drumming her fingers in her lap. "I - uh - I just thought... while we're here... maybe we should spend some time together?"

"Spend some time together?" Lux repeated, softly, eyes growing wide.

"Well, I mean, I - I don't really know what we are," Katarina added, laughing sheepishly without looking up, "but - especially after that night on the cliffs, and all this talk about... about knowing all our options, deciding if any of this is even worth it, all that stuff. I don't know, I just thought, maybe we should, um..."

"Yes?" Lux shifted, turning to face her a little more. She felt her heart fluttering; she was cold and hot both at once, swelling from Katarina's shyness, and the prospect of what she was about to propose... but also sinking, because she didn't deserve it. Not after last night, not after how useless she had been, how much trouble she'd dragged Katarina through, seemingly for nothing. But she tried to stifle it, and instead focused her attention on Katarina. 

The assassin glanced up, very briefly, before looking away again. She was so nervous! _You should reassure her, you dolt._ Hesitantly, shifted one hand over and placed it over Katarina's; Kat's gaze snapped to it, but her eyes were soft and full of concern and fear and emotion. It was such an amazing sight. Who would have ever thought she was like this? Would anyone back home believe her if she tried to describe it? 

"W-Well," Katarina gulped, "I - I may have gotten ahead of myself a little, I just - I thought if you wanted to go anywhere, I'd... show you around, and... and we can wing it. I guess." Her cheeks were burning crimson, and she was mumbling so bad that Lux had to lean in close to hear. But it was enough. Lux did hear her, and she could not help but glow with happiness. Katarina... loved... her? 

_You're getting way ahead of yourself. She doesn't like you when you're you, she likes you when you're me. You're still fooling her. Listen to me and maybe we can keep up the charade._

Lux tensed. That... wasn't how she wanted to feel. This was supposed to be a happy moment, wasn't it? Why was she letting the Voice ruin it? Besides, that wasn't even true, was it? Should she... ask? _NO! Are you insane?!_ But Katarina had noticed already! She was always wary of the Voice, wary of the way Lux cheered herself up out of seemingly nothing. So what was the harm in it? And why did she have to be fretting about it now?! She wanted it out! She wanted not to be dealing with this anymore!

...Her research.

"I actually did have somewhere I wanted to go," she offered hopefully. "I hoped to pick up my research from the Institute, where I left off...? I thought they might even have more resources here. Or at least different ones."

"Oh, yeah!" Katarina perked up at that, too. "There's certainly... _something_ like that '  
here. I don't know if you'll find anything useful but I can show you where it is." 

"Please," Lux said happily. The assassin hopped up and offered her a hand; Lux accepted it gently, and Katarina walked them off the ship, a spring in her step Lux had never seen before. She couldn't help but watch her face, as Katarina guided them forward. She was smiling. Her eyes shone. She just looked so... happy. 

"You look like you're feeling better," Lux said softly, smiling up at her.

"I am," Katarina said, her lips peeling back, showing a toothy, vaguely impish grin. "And so do you!"

"I - do?" Lux balked, surprised. She didn't _feel_ better.

"Yeah." Katarina nodded firmly. "I... I like you like this." 

She chuckled a little bashfully and looked forward again. Lux smiled shyly to herself. _See? She likes me just fine how I am._

But still she felt doubt lurking in her heart, just out of reach.

 

As they walked into the upper city, Lux tried to avoid the rails, and Katarina - either terribly shrewd or sweetly oblivious - positioned herself between Lux and the abyss below them, no matter where they went. Katarina's mood did seem to dampen the further in they got, however. In the higher streets, portly men and buxom women walked in small cliques, chattering and laughing; couriers bustled about with briefcases or folders full of documents, and hulking guards covered in metal modifications patrolled back and forth with a silent and ominous presence. Katarina eyed them coldly at seemingly every opportunity. It wasn't so different from home that Lux felt uncomfortable, but she wondered if Noxus was anything like this, and if that was why Katarina seemed so tense. It was an atmosphere that didn't seem to suit her. 

Their destination was a square upper level of a great tower, and it took the better part of the afternoon just to reach it. From far below, Lux hadn't noticed, but the smog from the city's industrial sectors collected into a dense canopy above the city, and they were so high up that that polluted ceiling was only a few stories above them. Most of the buildings around punctured it and rose above, too. Lux felt light-headed thinking about it, and focused instead on the arched, ornate entrance of the 'library' - though its arched iron nameplate called it the Old Compendium. 

The inside had less of the reverent, hushed feeling of a library - and more of the unearthly silence of a crypt. To the left side were stairs down to a lowered section of floor; there, gigantic bookshelves were arranged in rows with rolling ladders, and neatly labeled by author. It would take Lux weeks to search through its entirety, there were so many books. But that wasn't all - there seemed to be some kind of chemical samples collection beyond a thick glass wall opposite the entrance, and there were stairs leading both up and down into gods knew what else. For now, she focused on the books. "There must be an index of some kind," Lux started, as she approached.

"I think it's in the back," Katarina offered, nudging them towards the center aisle; Lux saw at the far end of the 'library' was a spacious seating area with a frankly nauseatingly beautiful view of the city beyond and below, facing towards the sea. Directly in front of them, at the entrance to the study, was a huge tome on a pedestal, unmistakably some kind of reference or index. She gulped, and hesitantly approached. 

"I won't be long," she murmured. "I think. I hope. We'll see."

"Take your time," Katarina said softly. "I, um, wouldn't really know what to look for, but if I can help let me know?"

Lux nodded, and crept towards the index. Actually walking through the aisles drove home how enormous their store of books was; each shelf stretched at least two stories above her, and they were crammed with more books than felt like should fit. She supposed that it suited the very chaotic, devil-may-care attitude that Zaunites were traditionally associated with. In Demacia... those attributes would be sins. Here, it was hard to shake off the discomfort and believe that they weren't. It felt dangerous and evil, like it might come to life. 

The index's pages were torn and yellowed all along their edges, and Lux was sure as she lifted one page that it was going to disintegrate before her eyes. But it didn't, and she found that it was actually a pleasantly well-organized system, allowing her to search by author, era, and subject matter all at once. There were some recent works on the subject of mental projection, but that was about all she could see that would be immediately relevant to her; the author - Milliman Soares - had a number of other studies on metaphysical subjects, but not... psychological ones. This was going to have to do for now. She found the 'S' bookshelf swiftly after, and began browsing for 'SO'. To very little surprise of hers, she found that there were an enormous number of 'SO's to choose from. It was going to be a tedious search. 

"Well. Imagine meeting you here." 

Lux froze. But the speaker, far away, was not addressing her. She ducked over to the center aisle and glanced towards Katarina, where the voice had come from; Kat had backed herself up against one of the bookshelves, arms tensely folded, as a huge woman atop a snake's tail slithered up to her. There was absolutely no mistaking who it was. Heart pounding, Lux ducked back behind the nearest bookcase, listening intently over the faint bustle around them.

"Why are _you_ here?!" Katarina hissed, defensively.

"Now, now," Cassiopeia drawled playfully, "is that any way to greet your baby sister? Especially after the awful tragedy you missed in the capital. I knew you were cold, but truly, this is just -- "

" _Why are you here._ " Katarina spoke as though through clenched teeth. 

"Goodness." The behemoth sounded rather impressed. "If you must know, I'm picking up a book and a few samples. I've been given a research project, and I'm actually quite excited about it. But I have to admit, seeing you here is a surprise! I didn't take you as the reading sort." 

"You've - what? A research project?" Lux began to walk along the shelf, away from Katarina and Cassiopeia, so that she could circle around and watch from a different angle. The fear was draining away, but not because it was fading. It was more like something was neutering it, making it inert, and the whole of her being was growing empty. 

"Ah, yes, you're probably a bit behind." Cassiopeia sighed dramatically. "First of all, I've done you the incredibly kind service of convincing the Black Rose and the Noxian population at large that you are not worth hunting. You don't have to slink around and talk in hushed tones like a convict any more. You're very welcome."

"You've... what?" Lux's heart stopped, too. She managed to peek her head out from the side; Katarina was utterly ashen, eyes wide and jaw dropped. Cassiopiea, on the other hand, was smirking at her with brutal delight, her yellow eyes glittering. "How did...?" Katarina's voice was faint. 

"What are you worth, after all?" Cassiopeia sighed. "Honestly, you are probably happier for being out here, aren't you? You never did belong in Noxus." Her smile vanished. "How pathetic. Look at you in your stupid little disguise, running away from home like a little girl. The family name benefits greatly from forgetting you were ever a part of it, I think. So I've decided to grant you the honor of being allowed to live, and simply erasing you, instead."

Katarina was silent, staring at her in horror. Lux's stomach churned. She had never met Cassiopeia; the noblewoman's vicious nature was somehow cathartic for her, like some kind of bizarre relief, but at the same time it was baffling and terrible to behold. So Noxus was what Demacia claimed after all, was it? Only Katarina was special. _Or is she so different? Have you poisoned her somehow? Made her weak?_ She shook her head, trying to snarl the voice away, but it only grew more gleefully persistent: _you know the proper way of the world is that you and she should fight, but now you're a failure and she's a weakling because you didn't do the right thing. Maybe if you were better you wouldn't have destroyed this thing you care about so much!_

"You can't even bring yourself to thank me properly," Cassiopeia was continuing, disgruntled, folding her arms. "Say 'thank you, Cassiopeia'." 

"What the fuck?" Katarina breathed, the tiny traces of her voice crumbling away as she spoke. Cassiopeia rolled her eyes.

"You are _hopeless_ ," her sister groaned. "But! You aren't relevant to my life anymore. So I'll let that little misconduct slide. Everything else I tell you not because you deserve or need to know, but more because I mostly am quite delighted to finally tell you. Did you know, all it took was a civil meeting between myself and Leblanc to confirm that she was responsible for the death of our father? All of your silly galavanting about, wondering and investigating and delaying, for nothing." 

"You just - asked her?" Katarina whispered. "And she said yes?" She seemed absolutely baffled, as much by the statement Cassiopeia was making as by the meaning hidden within it: Cassiopeia and Leblanc were on civil terms. This felt familiar. Katarina's despair felt familiar. She didn't quite know why or how, yet, but what was happening here was beginning to make her... _angry._

"She was terribly apologetic about it, too," Cassiopeia sighed. "You were so blind to the _context_. Now that I look back on it, it was obvious; he was just a poor old fool bumbling about to do what he felt was right - quite a bit like you, in fact! - without stepping back to examine the bigger picture. Leblanc, on the other hand, _is_ the bigger picture. So I've opted to make up for our father's mistake - and your travesty - by joining forces with the Black Rose directly."

"You _what?!_ " At last Katarina seemed to find her voice - she stepped forward, fists clenching, eyes bulging from her face. "Have you lost your fucking mind?!" she snarled. "The Rose is responsible for every horrible thing that's ever happened to us, and you -"

"To _you,_ " Cassiopeia growled pointedly. But she was still grinning. Lux knew that smile - the smile of someone enjoying this far, far too much. Her anger was rising rapidly.

"What?!"

"We're responsible for every horrible thing that's ever happened to _you._ " Cassiopeia tittered, the tip of her tail waving back and forth playfully. "Not me. The only terrible things that have happened to me are your fault. Or Mother's. Or Father's. And the only good thing that's happened is courtesy of Leblanc's wisdom. So I think my allegiance is actually quite intelligently placed."

"How...?" Katarina was growing hoarse again. "I..." 

"Let's face it!" Cassiopeia continued, beginning to slither in a circle - pacing around Katarina... and trapping her. "You were never cut out for the highest echelons of Noxian nobility anyway. What sort of threat or competition do you pose to people like Darius? Swain? None. You're so softhearted it's pitiful. No - _Disgusting._ All you want to do is kill convenient people and not ask questions. You're such a follower. Noxus has no need of people like you."

"Leave me alone," Katarina said weakly, her eyes wide. Lux spasmed at the sound, trying to run forward, fighting the impulse to move. Katarina needed her help. She had to help! 

_You can't help. Cassiopeia is doing the right thing. All you'll do is ruin it._

_But - but SHE'S ruining it! You keep saying things that don't make sense! I want Katarina to be happy, and Cassiopeia is hurting her, and I - I can't let it go another second! I've got to help her!_

_You can't. What will_ you _do?_

"Not like me," Cassiopeia continued. She was gloating now. Her tail had curled full circle around Katarina; the assassin could easily step over it, or teleport over, but she withered and flinched instead. "In fact, Katarina, you're aware of course that I'm the head of house now, yes? There was actually some deliberation over whether I deserved it over Mother. Can you believe it?" She laughed. "So I killed her. Easiest way to solve that little problem, I think."

"Who are you?" Katarina whispered. She was white as ash now. "You're not my sister."

_I have to help!_ Lux cried.

_You are helpless,_ Lux snarled. _You couldn't keep yourself alive at school, let alone help anyone ELSE._

_But - we have to do something!_ Lux pleaded. _Please, something, anything!_

"Oh, I am far more than your sister," Cassiopeia snarled, leaning in and towering over her threateningly. "I am your superior in _every_ way. You - no. Our entire family was _weak._ Pathetic, simpering fools clinging to an archaiac sense of honor and devotion that serves only to make you prey to those at a higher level. Father was Leblanc's prey, and she so graciously allowed me to take Mother as mine, but we're going to leave you behind, Katarina, because you're too weak to even be considered for table scraps."

 

That was it. Lux had had enough. She stepped forward, and drew herself up. Cassiopeia's eyes snapped to her immediately - and Lux crumpled, horrified, withering for just a moment under the woman's gaze. 

But then something strange happened. _Pathetic,_ Lux sneered. And then she was smiling, and her anxiety - her anger - everything was just... gone. 

"Oh, gosh," she laughed. "You startled me there, being all huge like that! Am I interrupting? Is this some sort of joyful sisterly reunion? I have to admit, Katarina doesn't look so happy to see you."

"You," Cassiopeia growled. "What do you want?" 

"Oh, nothing," Lux chirped, "except to thank you for putting yourself out there to pardon Katarina of the charges against her. Though at the same time, if you had the power to do that, I kind of wonder why you didn't do it in the first place? But, better late than never, right?"

"I didn't before because I didn't have any reason to," Cassiopeia began - but Lux cut her off. 

"You didn't?" she gasped, taken aback. "That seems strange! What did you have to gain from letting Katarina be recaptured by the Black Rose? Unless you've just always wanted her dead, but in that case, why don't you just kill her right now?" 

There was an ominous quiet. Lux was entirely aware of what she was doing, and she could not help but grin at the positively foul expression on Cassiopeia's face, eyes narrowed to slits, glaring as if she hoped a glare alone might kill her. She _loved_ to manipulate people, to make them feel the thing she wanted them to feel; it made her feel powerful, alive, in control. Like this, she could help. Like this, she had value. 

Slowly, the snake turned to her older sister, as Katarina's hands instinctively reached for her daggers. She didn't have her full set, but she had many. Lux waited, just so, for the right length of pause, before cutting in: 

"Ohhhh," she breathed. "I know why, it's because you can't, isn't it?" 

Cassiopeia's eyes slitted further. Lux was fit to dance. "Listen to her," Cassiopeia seethed, her shoulders heaving; Lux could tell she was forcibly controlling her breathing. "She's defending you. Saving you, even. Isn't that just disgusting? Since when does Katarina Du Fucking Couteau need a Demacian reject to swoop in and save the day?" 

For some reason, this assertion made Lux feel _more_ powerful. "You should be grateful that you're alive," Lux offered happily. "Katarina does like to say that she has rules about how and why she kills people."

Cassiopeia bristled, but continued to ignore her, and speak only to Katarina. It took some wind out of Lux's sails, too, and as she listened, something strange began to build in her again. Something hot and cold, something weak but undeniable. "You're such a disgrace," Cassiopeia hissed. "I ought to wipe you off the face of the earth myself. And I know I can do it, too. Just a glance and a whip of the tail and you're _dust._ What do you have to say about that, hm? Go on. Why do you deserve mercy from me?" 

"We're family," Katarina said, numbly. "We... aren't we... why aren't we working together?"

"You idiot, you know exactly why," Cassiopeia snarled. "Because I despise you, and you're the plague that burned this damned family to the ground in the first place, because they were so busy caring for their dear precious snowflake of a broken daughter to notice _my_ power and _my_ will, and they gave you all of their tools and skills and left me behind, and you're STILL a failure, and I will STILL be the one that carries the momentum forward."

"That seems a bit harsh," Lux said, but her voice was weak, because she was beginning to feel very sick. There was a voice, crying out with rage, in the back of her mind; but it wasn't the Voice. It - it was... _her_ voice. 

"What would you know about it?!" Cassiopeia hissed, whirling back to Lux. "Reject," she snarled. "I've heard all about you. Your family gave you away because they didn't believe in you, and here you are, running away, accused of treason and AWOL. Even Demacian families are stronger than ours! Can you believe that, Katarina? You two are so alike!"

 

Cassiopeia kept talking, but Lux didn't hear the rest. _Move aside._

_Excuse me?_

_MOVE. ASIDE._

_What, so you can humiliate yourse-_

_YOU DO NOT CONTROL ME. LET ME SPEAK TO HER._

"How dare you." 

Lux's voice trembled. Her curled fists quivered. Everything in her was ablaze. A total fury she had never known was consuming her, filling her with a vengeful radiance. Nothing mattered now - getting away from Cassiopeia, escaping Arianne, her own fear nothing, except the urge in her heart to deal as much damage back to Cassiopeia as she could possibly do. 

"You've no place to talk, reject," Cassiopeia spat. 

" _Reject._ " Lux laughed emptily. "I _left._ They tried so desperately to keep me, but I never belonged there. Isn't it nice to be _wanted_ by someone, Cassiopeia?"

"Another word out of you, and I will test my abilities," Cassiopeia hissed, rearing herself up, flexing her own fingers into fists, as well. Behind her, Katarina stared between them in shock. 

"You're going to threaten me, here?!" Lux snarled. "Katarina might not want to kill you, but it sure doesn't make a difference to me!" 

"Lux," Katarina said warningly, her voice shaking, "stop." 

"Listen to her," Cassiopeia growled. "Or you will die." 

"I'm not scared of you," Lux sneered. "You're so desperate for anyone to recognize your power and tell you you're worth something, it's pathetic. Do you seriously think I'm going to be threatened by a woman that crawled over to her parents' murderer, begging for somewhere to belong, after she wasn't good enough to protect them?"

"Do you think I'm threatened by a rejected Demacian noble on the run from the entire world?" Cassiopeia hissed.

"At least Katarina and I are choosing our own fate," Lux laughed. "You're just Leblanc's puppet, aren't you? Here to tell yourself that no matter what disgusting decisions you make, and no matter how hard Katarina fights to correct your failures, _you're_ still the strong one?" 

 

She heard Cassiopeia begin to screech something - a violet mist and liquid suddenly forming about the woman's claws - but all at once Katarina was between them, and before either of them could react Katarina's arms were around Lux; she knew immediately what was happening and tried to protest, but her voice fell into the void as Katarina teleported once more. When they emerged from it, they were outside, on the walkway leading into the compendium. For just a moment, Lux was blindingly furious - but the chilled air seemed to shock her back to the present. She felt cold and dry and weak, and she slumped into Katarina's tight embrace. Katarina's shoulders were shaking.

"Katarina," Lux gasped, pulling back, filled with dread. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Katarina blurted. Her voice was broken and she sniffled afterward, but swiftly shook her head and stood upright. "Are - are you okay?"

"Yeah," Lux gasped. "Just - um - " 

"What came over you in there?" Katarina gasped, and Lux's heart sank. She'd... messed things up again. Katarina's expression wasn't fear, but Lux couldn't read it. Eyes puffy and wide, lips curled down but jaw hanging open as if in shock. "I - I never thought you could be so - angry," Katarina gasped. "I've never heard anyone stand up to her like that." 

"I couldn't stop myself," Lux whimpered. "I just - I'm sorry, I..."

Lux trailed off. She didn't have an excuse. Katarina's jaw worked, briefly, but... she didn't seem to know what to say. Lux withered further. 

"We should go," Katarina murmured, shaking her head again. "Before Cassiopeia comes out and causes a scene." Lux gasped, and nodded - and they dashed away, though they slowed again after gaining some initial distance. And when they did, their hands brushed together - but Katarina snatched hers up and twined their fingers tightly together. But they walked in silence otherwise.


	9. Chapter 9

Katarina remained silent until they made it back to the ship; Lux looked over at her now and again, trying to discern her feelings, but Katarina would shake her head if their eyes met. It was confusing and frustrating the first couple of times. She didn't understand fully what had happened to her that caused her to lash out like that, and she had no idea whether she had helped or hurt, or if it even mattered. All that was left was a nauseating worry that settled deep in her chest. 

More of the crew had come back to the ship by then, as the sun was starting to set. The captain seemed to register immediately that something had happened, and swooped in without a word. "We're fine," Katarina grunted, not waiting for Levvy to ask.

"Nothing serious," Lux agreed lowly. "Just ran into someone unexpected."

"The girl from the station?" Levvy asked, raising an eyebrow. Her expression was strange - as if she were trying to be nonchalant, but unable to restrain her concern.

"No," Katarina sighed. "Worse." Lux shrunk a little. How much of that was her...? 

"Well, as long as you haven't led the Illuminators back here, we're golden." Levvy straightened up, still frowning. No more was said about it that whole evening, and Katarina barely spoke at all. 

They were both put to work the next day; Lux was sent ashore with Liz, and only caught a brief glimpse of Kat in the morning, but what she saw wasn't inspiring - her gaze perpetually downcast and lips tight, saying little more than a word at a time. Lux supposed that, given the situation, it was understandable. But saying so didn't help to settle Lux's own nerves. All day, Lux could think of nothing else. 

After all of that, she hadn't got the book after all. She was still no closer to solving this personal nightmare of hers than when she had started. Lashing out in anger did nothing to help Katarina's feelings; why would she have ever thought that it might help? There wasn't anything Lux could do. Lux couldn't help _anybody._ All she could do was kick and scream and cry. She should have listened. But she couldn't listen - the Voice just wanted her to kill herself. 

She remembered now, clearly, that was when it had first come out and spoken to her: to tell her that the right thing to do was to vanish, to disappear, to hide and give up. And ever since then, she had hid herself behind it, and it had guided her to be a perfect Demacian... until that one moment that she rejected it, because she just had to do something wrong. 

_I'm here to help you._

Why did she feel so awful when she listened to it, then? Why was it that she felt so useless and pointless whenever she followed the voice's instructions, even if she was doing the right thing? 

_Because you ARE useless._

She tried to remember that moment when Katarina had smiled at her. _"I like you better like this."_ But Katarina didn't really know what that meant, did she? It wasn't like she was really in love with Lux. 

The voice laughed in her heart. _Yes, who was it that took her on a date when she was feeling alone and worthless to cheer her up? Which of us was capable of making her feel better? It's not you. You're too pathetic._

_I thanked her on the cliff,_ Lux whimpered. 

_And then promptly molested her. And I stopped you._

_I-I was going to stop!_

_Were you? Hm?_

_Of course I was! I wouldn't ever dare!_

_Maybe you wouldn't have meant to hurt her. But I don't think you really care, not as much as you think. You've always known what the right thing to do was; you just never did it. You thought you were better than the right thing, you thought that you could think your way out of it. That's not how any of this works. And yet, you never learn. You made one decision for yourself, and now you've gotten yourself and Katarina exiled, you've put your backs against a wall, and there's just about nothing else you can do to get back to where you were. You've destroyed the only thing that you cared about enough to defy me. And still, somehow, you want to fight back._

_I can't believe that,_ Lux whimpered. _I know I wouldn't ever hurt Katarina. Not on purpose. I... I want to always do what's right, for_ her, _because she's the only one that's ever tried to do her best for me!_

_Bang up job you're doing so far!_

She didn't really notice when she returned to the docks. She didn't want to go back to the ship. _You're not good enough for Katarina,_ the Voice snorted. 

"You comin'?" Liz turned to watch her, wide-eyed. Lux smiled - she'd let the Voice control her all day today, so that Liz wouldn't ask her any questions. She didn't have the heart to protest now. She was a sweet thing, a cute little Ionian with a bright blue streak in her black bangs. She didn't need to know about any of this. She was busy living her own dream.

"I'm going to take a walk," Lux offered. "I won't go far. That okay?"

Liz blinked, and glanced towards the horizon; the sun was quite low. "Okay, well, don't stay out too long," she said firmly. "But then, I think we were gonna party tonight, and ye don't really seem the type for it. So have a nice walk I guess!" 

Lux nodded gratefully, and turned to pace the docks. 

 

The smog canopy seemed to extend unusually far over the ocean that night; dim hextech lamps filled in where starlight and moonlight were absent, but their pale glow left a sense of haze settled over the shipyard. Every other living, moving thing was an anonymous silhouette, far from Lux's sight and hearing. She felt she was one of them. Nothing and no one. It was both disheartening and comforting. 

She was overthinking this. Her... issues, her everything. She had to be. There was no other explanation. Katarina was hurting because she'd just found out that her sister had turned on her and killed her mother. That was enough to fuck up anyone! Even Lux would be devastated, and she didn't really have a reason to care about her brother _or_ parents, given how little contact she'd had with them since they'd sent her away. 

_You should care about them, Lux. You know that._

She did, but she ignored the Voice. 

Because it was stupid. It was so stupid that all she could think about were her own terrible problems, when Katarina's whole life was collapsing around her. Stupid that Lux was so selfishly consumed by whatever was going on with her, she couldn't reach out and try to comfort the person that had saved her in the first place. 

_What can_ you _do to comfort_ her?

That didn't matter. What mattered was that she tried. To sit back and whimper and sob while Katarina fought and suffered and sacrificed for her sake - it was disgusting, to be so thankless and pathetic after everything Katarina had done. What she was doing was taking advantage of Katarina, and that wasn't what she wanted! She had to at least show that she cared, that she wanted to help, in any small way that she could.

"But you can't help her."

Lux looked up sharply. She - herself? - was sitting atop a shipping crate above her, legs crossed, arms folded, glaring down with an imperious smile. "What?" Lux breathed, horrified, stepping back. "Who are...?"

"You know exactly who I am," the Voice purred, leaning forward. "And you know you can't help her. I'm just you, but more honest. Grown up." 

"You're missing the point!" Lux cried, sweeping an arm out. "If I don't do anything for her..."

"No, you're just not thinking this through all the way," the Voice sighed; she tossed her head, bangs flaring away from her face briefly. "This is what you do; you mess things up but refuse to believe it's your fault, so you keep powering on trying to make things better, and instead, you keep messing them up over and over. It's the cycle of your existence. It's the reason I'm here in the first place." 

Lux stepped back again from it. Only now did she really process what was happening. She was... hallucinating...? Had she breathed in something strange? She shook her head sharply and whirled around, walking the other direction rapidly. But all around her, her own haughty laughter echoed in the haze, and she sensed movement to either side - two Luxes, walking swiftly atop lines of crates, with exaggerated, arching steps. 

"You're running away again," they sang in unison. "There are many high places to fall from tonight, sweet Crownguard."

Lux shivered violently and froze, hugging herself. "Don't - don't say that," she gasped. 

"You still don't want to die, do you?" Now the Voice was in front of her, leaning into her face; Lux turned away, but the Voice followed, persistent. "Come on, now. We're in this together. But I have to know what you want."

"I want to help Katarina," she whimpered.

"Now, now, I'm not a miracle worker." The Voice sighed, and pranced backwards, spreading and raising her arms. "Ever since you were a girl, people have been teaching you all the important lessons that you were just too childish and naive to learn. Who's at fault, then, now that reality's smashed you in the face? Certainly not _me_. Not your instructors or Arianne or your family. They were all so effortlessly good at this, and they wasted their precious time trying to teach you. You're the one that wasn't listening."

Lux remained silent, shying away from 'her' gaze. But there was no point; she couldn't hide from herself, obviously. She would know, forever. 

"The best thing you can do to help Katarina is to _leave_ ," the Voice said firmly. "Don't you agree? She's free, without you. She can do whatever she likes! But that's not the _right_ thing. You know what the right thing to do is, don't you?" 

"I'm not hurting her," Lux growled. 

"Why won't you _listen?_ " the Voice groaned. "Assertions like that, making decisions to just break the rules because you want to - that's what got us into this situation in the first place. You're good at games, Lux, you know the way games work; when you make a mistake, you have to sacrifice to return to a stable position, and you'll inevitably be weaker than before. Your choices here are to sacrifice Katarina, or to simply _lose._ "

"You don't know that!" Lux cried, looking up again. The Voice's arms were folded now; she stormed towards the specter, fists curling. "Out of my way!" she hissed. "I'm going back!" 

"Back, where?" the Voice sighed, fading into light and vanishing - and reappearing again, now several yards ahead, leaning against the side of a crane. "Lux, look at the facts. All you've done for Katarina is bring her down, over and over." 

"Shut up," Lux hissed, walking past it without looking. Again, it followed her forward, now pacing in the middle of the street, and still Lux forged on, glaring past it. 

"Sooner or later," the Voice continued loudly, "those failures are going to catch up to you. This lovey feeling is going to wear off, and Katarina's going to understand you for what you truly are."

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"Don't you see the pattern here?!" The Voice sat now on a cable line running far above her, and her voice had raised in volume, calling out across the whole of the shipyard - though the shapes in Lux's periphery seemed not to notice. "Any time you try to act without a plan, you cause ruin and chaos. That's all you are capable of doing, without _my_ help, and you _know_ it."

"I'm not giving up!" Lux screeched, stomping her feet and throwing down her fists. "I'm not running away from her, or from my own freedom! I don't want to go back! I don't care if that's the right thing to do or not!" 

"And that flagrant disregard for the order of the world is going to rip you apart," the Voice sneered. "The question is, will you take Katarina down with you? Hm?"

Lux stared at her. She didn't know what to say. She felt ill. Waving her hand, she stormed onward. 

"Lux," the Voice sighed. She vanished again, but Lux heard her continue to speak, all around her now. "Let's run through a few probable scenarios, and you tell me what you'd do." 

Before her, Katarina materialized - so suddenly, and so close, that Lux yelped and staggered back. The assassin was facing away, but turned to look at her, eyes flashing and brow tight, a scowl on her lips. "This is your fault," she hissed. "All of this is your fault."

Lux couldn't speak. She could only stare in horror. 

"What would you do, hm?" the Voice cooed. "You can't say she's wrong, can you? The only thing left in your pathetic little heart is to beg for forgiveness. Do you think she's going to give it to you? Let's try another." 

Katarina vanished - and reappeared again, several yards ahead, but this time she was staring morosely at the docks, arms folded, eyes cast low. Lux approached more hesitantly; Katarina glanced up, and then looked back at the water with a sigh. "You should leave."

"No!" Lux protested. "She wouldn't say that!" 

Katarina's eyes slipped closed. "I've made my choice. I'm going to Noxus, and I'm not coming back. There's no reason for you to follow me, and die for a cause that isn't yours." 

"After all," the Voice added coyly, "you'd only get in her way, at this rate. Wouldn't you?" 

"Stop this!" Lux cried, and she slashed through the illusory Katarina - it flickered and vanished. "You can't pretend to know what Katarina would do, you're not her!" 

"I know what the right decisions for her to make would be," the Voice sighed. "And you do, too. You've _always_ known. You just ignore it." 

Lux did not respond. She glared straight forward, walking back towards Levvy's ship.

"You know it's very likely she's going to say one of those things, Lux. I know how to diffuse those situations. I can turn them back in your advantage, if you're so dead set on her."

"I'm not listening to you anymore," Lux hissed.

"Yes, because that's worked so well," the Voice snarled back. "Give yourself to me! I'll do it. I'll cheer Katarina up for you, just like last time, and you can go back to your happy little fantasy."

"I'll do it."

"No, you _won't!_ " The mirror visage appeared before her again, now walking backwards, matching Lux's pace - keeping them at a consistent distance. "Every endeavor, every decision, of _yours_ has been a catstrophic failure!" she snapped. "When you tried to help her you almost got her arrested and killed by Leblanc, when you tried to cheer her up you just made her more angry, when you tried to step in and rescue her you just made the situation worse and almost got _yourself_ killed - when are you going to wake _up?!_ "

The voice screamed out this final word, and it echoed in a sudden deep stillness. Lux stepped back, a hand over her heart, breathing heavily. The Voice was gone. She was alone. The water, just feet away from her, was calm and nearly flat, reflecting faint glimmers of light from the spotty sky above. 

She felt a distant grief in her heart. An agonizing sorrow buried under a mountain of padding and fluff. But on the surface, she was confident, crisp, bold. Ready. She knew what was happening - but felt powerless to stop it. And why should she? For all of her bravado, for all of her tough talk... the Voice was right. 

_Just let me handle this,_ the Voice sighed, clearing wetness away from Lux's eyes, briskly sighing, and resuming her walk. _And be ready to be disappointed._

 

It was well into the night when Lux returned to the ship. She had expected it to be fairly lively, but to her surprise it was still and quiet. There was a solitary figure on deck, sitting atop a crate; Lux couldn't tell whether it was facing her or away, but... studying its shape and posture, especially as she drew nearer the gangway, there was no mistaking who it was. 

It turned out, Katarina was facing her. She smiled dimly as Lux approached, her eyelids drooping; at her side was a dark glass bottle with a torn label, and as Lux stared at it, Katarina laughed and lifted it. "Gift, from th' cappun," she said joyfully. "Wasn't tha' nice of her?" 

"Oh my gods," Lux whispered, stunned. "You're - drunk."

"Ay, only a little," Katarina whimpered, recoiling. "Besides! It was a _gift!_ Ye can't turn down a gift horse in the... no... wait... shit." She stared into her lap for a moment, then looked back up at Lux, nose wrinkled. "I swear I'm not that drunk," she promised. 

"If you say so," Lux laughed. 

"I wanted t' wait for you!" Katarina added happily. "Cuz I heard you went out for a walk. How're you? Doin okay?"

"I'm fine," Lux lied. It stung her (and yet she was proud of) just how easily she said it. "You certainly seem to be in a good mood," she added, smiling, and moving to sit beside her. Katarina nodded happily, almost... childishly.

"Life's good!" she cried. "Everything's great! 'Cept the hangover I'm 'bout to have, prob'ly, but oh well, something something life in motion!" 

"Oh," Lux gasped, "I'm not sure that's what that means. Are you going to be alright?"

"Mehhhh." Katarina shrugged, looking skyward. Lux couldn't help but notice how bright the green in her eyes was, and how earnest her smile felt. Like the moment in their escape from Noxus, looking at the stars, thanking Lux for helping her. It was hard to protest anything just then, for fear of taking that happiness away, after weeks of glancing over to see her staring into space, or hiding her face... 

...and then, for just the briefest moment, she saw - herself, towering over, sneering down at her. _You're pathetic. Let me handle it._ She felt sick - she felt crushed and elated both at once. It was being taken from her... again. Because she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve it then, and she didn't deserve it now.

"Listen," Katarina began, leaning towards Lux - and kind of slumping onto her, without really giving Lux a chance to react. But she delicately shifted to pull Katarina's back into her lap, and wrapped her arms around Kat's shoulders. "Listen," Katarina repeated, looking up - upside-down - into Lux's face, taking on a vaguely serious expression and tone. "I figure... I'm _free_ now. Right? I don't gotta worry about..." She gestured vaguely towards the city. "Whatever the fuck. She wants to go work for the Black Rose, fine, not my business. Right?" 

"Yeah," Lux said softly. She wondered about that. But... 

"And that goes both ways," Katarina continued, her voice rising. "What fuckin' business of hers is it where I go or who I kiss or whatever?! Huh?! How come she's gotta butt into all of my shit when I'm still trying to just figure out what I want?!" 

"She's jealous," Lux sighed, waving one hand flippantly. "I think in her eyes, you don't deserve to be happy, and she's just coming up with reasons to justify that."

"Well, fuck her!" Katarina roared, sitting up faintly to bellow at the city. " _Fuck you, Casso--_ ip-- uh-- _siopeia! Whatever your name is! I don't give a shit anymore!_ " Lux was solemnly quiet; Katarina slumped back with a groan. "I deserve to be happy, don't I?" she grumped, but her voice was weak.

"Of course you do," Lux said softly. 

"So what the fuck is her deal then?" Katarina almost looked _more_ hurt, as if... she'd expected Lux to disagree with her. "Why am I never good enough for her? How come I'm not good enough for anybody?"

 

There was a dangerous pause.

 

_She's wonderful!_ Lux protested. _She's such a sweet, thoughtful, wonderful person! Say something!_

"Katarina," Lux said softly, "you're - you're one of the sweetest, most thoughtful Noxians I've ever... ah, well --"

"Yeah, really high bar to set," Katarina snarled, kicking at the deck. "That doesn't make me better than them, that just makes me weaker. All I'm really good for is killing people, and even then, not good enough. Everything I've ever cared about is gone. All I wanted was for them to - to be proud of me, to be happy I was there, feel like I'd... done something good for them..." She sniffled, shifting closer, her hands closing gently around the hem of Lux's jacket. "And now they're gone," she whimpered, "and I couldn't save or help any of them..."

Again, 'Lux' faltered, and trapped behind herself Lux began to panic. _What are you doing?!_

_She really is weak,_ the voice growled. _You've already ruined her. There's nothing more here to do._

_How can you say that?! M- Move aside!_

_Why? So you can make things worse?_

_What the fuck do you care, if you think she's already ruined, huh?!_

_I'm just looking out for YOU, idiot._

"Lux?" Katarina looked up at her, her eyes wide and terrified. "You... need me, don't you?" 

Lux's heart felt like it would rend in two. The Voice held no candle to the fury that rose in her then. Inside herself she screamed and clawed her way forward: _MOVE. ASIDE._ She felt her features weaken, her eyes dim, her shoulders slump. She saw Katarina watching her, desperate and apprehensive.

"Katarina, I'm only alive because of you," Lux whispered. Katarina crumpled, but Lux saw the relief deep in her eyes, before they slipped closed, and before Katarina slumped forward into Lux's shoulder again. Smoothly, Lux wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close, and she felt Katarina shiver once and choke out a weak sob. "You've saved my life, over and over," Lux breathed. "I'm free because of you. I feel like I'm worth something because of you. I'll never be able to repay you."

They were quiet for a few moments. Lux allowed her to cry. She felt the Voice watching her impatiently. But she did her best to ignore it. Katarina was far more important. 

"I want to give up," Katarina whimpered. "I - I was going to say that I wasn't going to try to save anyone anymore, or try to control anything. But... I... Leblanc and Cassiopeia... I'm the only one that knows and cares, Lux... what am I supposed to do? Won't my family hate me if I give up...?" 

"I can't speak for your parents," Lux said softly, "but I'm your family, too, aren't I?" Katarina nodded and clutched her tighter. "I won't hate you, Katarina. I'll follow you anywhere you go. If you don't want to do this, I'll run from from the Illuminators forever for you. If you want to chase Leblanc into the heart of Noxus, I'll be right there by your side. Okay?" 

"Why?" Katarina croaked. "Why...? When I can't protect you...?"

"I believe in you," Lux said firmly. "You've fought so hard for me, you freed me, you've kept me alive, when it's cost you almost everything you ever had. And here we are... still alive, still safe, because I've put my trust in you."

Katarina laughed softly, and sniffled, pulling back. The sight of her tearstreaked cheeks was still painful, but Katarina was smiling faintly at least, and Lux recognized this face as her own. She leaned forward; they rested their foreheads against each other, filling each others' gazes. Lux felt herself tearing up, too. 

"I like you like this," Lux said softly. "Though maybe ease up on the drunk."

Katarina laughed and shied away. "You like me crying?"

"I do. I like when you let me see how you're feeling." Lux reached up to gently stroke her cheek; Katarina leaned into her touch, eyes slipping closed. "I like that I can help you," she sighed. "I like that... we're so alike."

"Alike?" Katarina cracked one eye open. "How so?"

"Well, you just sound a lot like me," Lux sighed. "In my own head. I... I'm so used to running away from my problems. Even when I don't want to, even when I want to face them head on, I freeze up and get so scared that I'll do the wrong thing."

"That sounds so Demacian," Katarina mumbled. "The right thing. What is that supposed to mean?"

Lux couldn't help but laugh, softly, emptily. "I don't know anymore. Ever since we first ran away, I... I haven't been able to figure it out. And that's... scary for me."

"Okay. I'm gonna - I'm gonna each you a Noxian lesson. Okay?" Katarina reached up to cup Lux's cheek in return - but hers was a firm grip, not a gentle touch, and Lux gasped and froze up, submitting to Katarina's hold. Katarina's gaze was not playful anymore; her smile was gone, and her eyes burned into Lux's. 

"There is no right thing to do." 

Lux nodded faintly. 

"What you do," Katarina continued, "is up to you... and no one else. You do the thing that makes you feel strong. For me... I used to follow my father, because he made me feel strong. But now, Lux, the thing that makes me feel strong is you."

"Me?" Lux breathed. Katarina nodded.

"Even if I'm afraid and don't know what to do," Katarina whispered, "I know I'll do everything in my power to protect you. I don't have anything else, and... and you've made me feel something I haven't felt since my father died. I want to protect that feeling as long as I can. Will you let me? Even though I may fail you?"

Words failed her. Her only response was to lean in and kiss her. Katarina was ready for this, pulling her in, and Lux shifted her weight forward, pressing their bodies together; Katarina's other hand clutched tightly at her jacket, and she made a soft noise of desire into Lux's mouth. That sound ignited her, and she wanted to push ahead even more. But... but not now. She could sense that this wasn't the right time. 

So, she pulled away a little, smiling, watching Katarina slowly recover through her own blurry vision. "There," Lux whispered. "Is that a good enough answer?" 

"It's my favorite answer," Katarina sighed blissfully.

"Kat," Lux added, softly; the assassin blinked, her smile fading a little. "I..." She gulped. She felt the Voice looming behind her - but she swatted it away. This is my moment, and not yours. "You're the thing that makes me feel strong, too."

"I do?" Katarina looked _elated._ "I... I'm so happy, Lux..." Lux beamed - she wanted to revel in Katarina's happiness - but she still had a point to make. 

"You make me feel things I thought I would never feel," she whispered. "Inspired, and protected, cared about... like I really have a family. Even if it's just one very beautiful girl. So... I want to protect this feeling, too, with everything that I've got." 

"Okay." Katarina was beaming too. She found Lux's wrists and pulled them into her lap, clasping their hands tightly together. "Okay!" she cried. "We'll fight for each other!" 

"We'll fight for each other," Lux agreed gently, smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

Katarina slept in long the next morning - probably hung over, and Lux was not surprised. She took on whatever duties she could aboard the ship, but as the day wore into afternoon, she went looking for Levvy; she had something important to discuss. 

"It's about your offer, to stay on as crew," Lux explained, as Levvy watched her with folded arms.

"You're not taking it, are you," Levvy sighed. Lux nodded gravely. She hadn't discussed it directly with Katarina, but - she just knew. Katarina wouldn't want to run. Her sense of duty and family was still a source of pride for her. If they were going to follow the things that made them strong, then making whole the pride of the Du Couteau family was almost certainly still one of Katarina's highest priorities... and helping Katarina, was one of Lux's. 

"I want you to know that I appreciate your hospitality more than I can ever express," Lux added. "Someday, I hope to repay you, somehow. So if you need a favor, find me." 

"Aye, owing a favor to a pirate's a dangerous game," Levvy warned, with a toothy grin. "Ye look confident, though. Can't speak for Katarina, but I feel you're doing the right thing."

"There is no right thing," Lux said darkly, and Levvy laughed.

"Aye, aye." Her eyes glittered. "Now you're getting it." 

When Katarina did wake, she needed some time to adjust to the light, but was otherwise seemingly alright. The two of them worked together now in the evening; Katarina's heart was light and joyful, and she happily sang along with the pirates' shanties, revealing she actually had an adorable singing voice. It certainly wasn't the high, clear sort that Lux would expect from a professional, but a loud and brazen one nonetheless, and well-suited to the chants of the sea. Lux suspected she'd do well with a marching song, too. 

Lux's own voice - the Voice, rather - was not silent. Oh, no. But Lux stifled it with vicious glee. _Look at what I've done,_ she snarled to it. _Look at this beautiful thing I've created. You couldn't do this._

_We shall see how long it lasts,_ the Voice leered back.

When the sun began to sink again, Lux approached her, hands sweetly behind her back and hips swaying; Katarina hopped down from the rigging she'd been climbing, folding her arms. "Miss Du Couteau," Lux purred playfully. 

"What can I do for you?" Katarina replied, with a lopsided grin. 

"Truth be told," she said, "I'm feeling better today than I've felt in a long time. And... well, when we had our date back at the Institute, it just wasn't really... what I hoped for." She wasn't even controlling herself for most of it! 

"I thought it was lovely," Katarina laughed. "But I won't say no if you're inviting me on another," she added quickly.

"I may be," Lux cooed. "How would you like to get dinner and watch a sunset with me? Standard Demacian fare, I know, but I'm afraid I haven't got anything else to go off of."

"How about you throw in some stargazing at the end," Katarina purred, "and we'll call it a deal?"

"Here?" Lux wrinkled her nose. "Not that I'm turning you down, but - ?"

"I know a place," Katarina chuckled. "Just trust me." 

It was overwhelmingly difficult not to trust her. She giggled, and nodded. "Deal, then." 

 

Lux had no idea where to take them. But in her heart, she didn't care. She and Katarina clasped hands and walked into the city, and she revealed quickly she had no direction, and Katarina nodded as though it were the most natural thing and began looking about for options immediately. They found a little two-story restaurant that was charming, sort of, or at least moreso than most of Zaun around it; they were shown to a table on the inside, but Katarina calmly backed the waiter up to the wall, and in a soft voice, asked for the upstairs table by the window. So they got the upstairs table by the window instead. Lux found herself giggling as soon as they were left alone. 

"What?" Katarina murmured, looking away. "Don't... laugh at me. I just thought it would be - you know, nicer, here."

"It is," Lux agreed, grinning. "You were just cute, is all."

"Cute?!" Katarina sputtered. "What do you mean cute?! I was threatening him!"

"Yes," Lux agreed. "And it's cute that you would threaten him so we could have a nicer table." 

"If you say so," Kat grumped, looking out the window, her cheeks growing red to match the hair that tumbled over her shoulder. Lux giggled, and watched her quaintly, as she began fiddling with one of her locks - curling it around her finger idly. Once it was tight, she tugged on it lightly, then glanced back at Lux, eyebrows raised. "What're you staring at?" she mumbled.

"My best friend," Lux said softly. "But I'll stop if she likes."

"Heh." Katarina smiled, and looked outside again. Lux glanced that way, too - the road they were on was fairly crowded. From the street it was easy to forget, but from higher up, she could tell that the buildings along the road were not their own structures, but sectioned off spaces of skyscrapers from somewhere far, far below. It was a bit dizzying to remember. They were facing roughly north, and the buildings in that direction weren't as tall - affording them a view of the water, and of Piltover in th distance... and beyond that, the horizon, as the sun continued to creep towards it. 

"Best friend," Katarina repeated. "I guess you're my best friend too, thinking about it. But I don't realy think either of us had much in the way of friends growing up."

"No, not really," Lux agreed, with a sigh. "I certainly wouldn't have expected one of my first to be a Noxian. But... here we are."

"Here we are," Katarina murmured, resting her cheek on one hand. "I wouldn't expect a lot of things that've happened."

_You're doing a great job of this,_ the Voice taunted. Lux tensed. _She's upset already._

Lux glanced at her. Her smile was gone. Her eyes were narrow and distant. 

But she didn't look... upset.

_I'm doing this my way,_ Lux snarled back. "Hey." Katarina glanced over, eyebrows raised. "I'd like to talk about something more pleasant," she said, laughing awkwardly. "But... I don't really have any ideas. Do you?"

Katarina smiled, this time bitterly. "Lux, I don't think there _is_ anything. You don't have to pretend everything's okay. We're pretty fucked. But that won't stop us, right?"

Lux nodded firmly, trying not to feel deflated. "It's just... the goal of this is to cheer you up, I thought."

"What cheers me up is having an ally, and fighting back." Katarina's smile grew more earnest, and more devilish. Her eyes lit up again, but Lux realized - they'd never been dark. It was just focused on her now. "When I got upset as a girl, I'd just throw myself into my training, and sometimes I did bad and I felt bad - but some days I did really well, and I felt better. Don't you ever feel like that? Like if you can punch your problems in the throat, instead of hiding from them... it's a great feeling, to me, at least."

"No, I do know what you mean," Lux whispered. "I... I hadn't thought of it like that." 

"So, yeah." She offered a brighter smile still. With the sun casting pale orange light across her face, bleaching her hair and accentuating her sparkling emerald eyes... it was a transfixing image, honestly, and Lux lost track of what they were talking about. It even took her a moment to realize that Katarina was staring at her, too, with a sort of dreamy look in her own eyes. 

They seemed to catch it at the same time, and flinched. Lux felt her cheeks flush, and saw Katarina's follow. "Ah," the assassin gasped, "that's - uh - awkward. Sorry."

"No!" Lux laughed, covering her mouth. "It's - um - I dunno! You were just really pretty!" 

"I-I..." Katarina didn't seem to know what to say; her blush intensified, and she crossed an arm over her chest, looking down a little, only the faintest upward curl to her lips. Lux laughed again, softer. 

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," she added firmly. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't," Katarina said softly. She looked up for just a moment. "I... I'm just not used to compliments."

"Well, then," Lux purred, leaning in a little, kicking her legs playfully. She was just barely short enough that she could do so, without scraping them against the floor. " _I_ think you're stunning. I think you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, because you're different, and you're you."

"I don't appreciate being made fun of," Katarina murmured, her smile fading. The Voice laughed at her. 

"I'm not making fun of you," Lux said firmly. "I spent a lot of time in Demacia around women trying hard to look beautiful and stoic and picturesque, but they wound up all looking exactly the same. You... you stand out, to me. I love your hair. I love your eyes. I love the way you look when you're deep in thought, when you're excited, when you're sad. You're just... everything about you, everything you do, is so beautiful." 

Katarina laughed sheepishly, recoiling from her, but she was smiling again now. "I... you can't... I mean, you have to be biased..."

"Maybe I am," Lux agreed, "but if so, that means I'm the only one that gets to enjoy just how pretty you can be, and I'm perfectly happy with that." 

Katarina watched her, now from behind a wispy veil of scarlet bangs. Lux happily held her gaze, arms folded loosely on the table before her. The waiter from before skittishly approached them to drop off menus - Katarina threw him a scowl and he scampered away without a word, and then she laughed as she turned back to Lux. "Still cute?"

"Maybe that was more silly than cute," Lux conceded, chuckling. "I almost forgot we were here for dinner."

"Dinner and a sunset viewing," Katarina corrected, nodding out the window with a brief, but delighted grin. "You're right that it's not the most Noxian idea of a romantic outing, but I could get used to it."

 

During their dinner, Lux was - despite the Voice's continual and unwelcome interjections - perhaps the most relaxed she'd been in years... maybe even her entire life. It just felt so quiet and harmless. She and Katarina sometimes were silent, watching the window, or each other. Katarina toyed with her hair, or traced patterns on the table, or drummed her fingers gently against the wood. It was tough to appreciate the sunset with Katarina in front of her, being subtly adorable. 

At one point, Lux commented on her mood, and how happy she seemed to be that morning, and Katarina laughed shyly again and admitted that she felt good, too. Better than since the day her father had vanished. The waiter bothered them minimally, returning once with their food and again when Katarina left their payment at the side of the table for him to snatch away; no other guests sat near. It was about as private as a public space got. 

When they were nearing the end of their meals, and the sun was nearly gone and the pink and orange streaks of light were beginning to fade from the sky, Lux inadvertantly let out a feeble sigh. She had something else she wanted to discuss, and was quite nervous about it, though she suspected Katarina was far more ready than Lux. Either way, it couldn't wait much longer. When she turned her attention to Kat, the assassin was watching her expectantly, eyes wide and faintly concerned. 

"You sighed," Katarina noted. "Is everything alright?"

"I just thought this would be a good time for us to talk about what comes next," Lux sighed. "I'm... I'm scared, to be honest, Kat. You can probably tell. I don't know what we do here." 

Katarina nodded, her shoulders slumping a little. "Yeah," she murmured. "I don't have a complete plan for you, Lux. All I'm good at doing is buying us time for the next move."

"That's fine," Lux said firmly. "You've kept us alive and safe so far. Now I want to help." Katarina smiled, faintly, and nodded. Lux sat up straight. "The first thing we have to do," she began, "is determine what our current objective is. We can't plan without an idea what we're trying to do."

"In other words," Katarina murmured, "are we going after Leblanc? Or not?"

"Basically, yes," Lux sighed. "Is that still what we want to do?" 

Katarina closed her eyes, her lips growing taut. Lux watched her, and waited. There was no need to rush her. The silence drew on, but she stayed patient. 

"It just feels wrong," Katarina sighed, shaking her head, and propping her forehead up on her palms. "After our conversations last night, and all of Levvy's advice, and just... everyone wants me to turn my back on it, but I just can't, Lux. It's... it's my family, it's my mother and father, my country, my home. I... I wish I could leave it behind, and pretend I don't care, but..."

"Last night," Lux murmured, "you said the important thing to do is to follow whatever makes you feel strong. Does your home and family make you feel strong?"

"They did," Katarina agreed, "but it's not just that simple, it's..." She sighed, exasperated, and spread her arms faintly, gesturing with closed eyes. "I've always had a reason to be strong. I wanted people to look up to me, appreciate the things I do and the power I have and the way I use it, and... so on. How can - how can anyone look up to what's happened now? My best case scenario is to be forgotten." She laughed, hollowly. "I can't... I can't bear that. No matter how many people tell me it's the right thing to do for my health, or whatever, it's... it's wrong for... my soul, I guess. For _me_. It'll kill me."

"I understand," Lux said softly, smiling. She reached forward to wrap her fingers around Katarina's, and Katarina relaxed at her touch. It was nice to have that kind of connection, and to watch her presence soothe the other's nerves. It was nice to be appreciated. 

"But if I go," Katarina added lowly, "you'll follow me, and... I..." She sighed, heavily, and shook her head. "It's just not your responsibility. If I'm going to go and very probably get killed, I..."

She trailed off. Lux pursed her lips.

"Katarina, I'm a part of your family now, aren't I?" she breathed. Katarina sighed again, and nodded weakly.

"I just don't want you to get hurt trying to clean up my mess," she murmured. "I... I don't want my mistakes to cause anyone else I care about to die. That's the meat of it, I guess."

Lux's fingers closed more tightly around Katarina's. "I made you a promise last night," she whispered. "If this is important for you, I'm going to fight for it."

"But you're important to me, too," Katarina protested weakly. "I promised to fight for you. What's important to you? What do you want?"

Lux shook her head. "I already have what I want. I can make a difference for someone. I can be useful for them. That's all I've ever wanted."

 

They stared at each other for a moment, tensely. Lux held her ground. _You're making a mistake,_ the Voice warned. _You could leave things here. You could send her on her way and go home._ But its insistence was weak and distant. Lux was far too present here to be affected. She wondered now how she had ever been swayed by its foolishness. Those days were over for her now.

Katarina broke out into a defeated smile, all at once. "Yeah," she sighed. "Who am I trying to kid? I... I want you to come along, Lux. I'll feel better with you there, and... I just..." 

"I'll feel better by your side," Lux agreed, firmly. Katarina seemed to still be partway through a thought, but she sighed and shook her head, letting it go. "It sounds like we agree, then," sighed Lux, and she sat back in her chair and clasped her hands on the table. "What's our plan, then? How are we going to get to her?"

"We did this to give ourselves a chance to gather intel," Katarina said softly. "Right? That's what we need to do. If we can figure out that an opening will present itself soon, we put ourselves in position to take advantage. If there isn't an opening... we figure out how to make one. I don't think there's much more we can do until we know more."

"Cassiopeia was here on an errand, presumably from the Black Rose," Lux observed. "Perhaps we want to start by figuring out what she was after." Katarina nodded excitedly.

"We can't overstay, though," Katarina added firmly. "The Illuminators are still after you, and we've been lucky that they haven't caught us yet, but it's only a matter of time. The sooner we can be on our way, the better."

"Yes," Lux agreed. "We'll investigate the Compendium, and then quickly leave. I guess by train? If they're close to us - they won't be expecting us to leave all of a sudden, will they?"

"We'll slip right by them going the other direction," Katarina laughed. "Good! This feels good to me. Don't you think?"

"Yes, it does." Lux smiled with relief. "It feels nice to have an idea, even an incomplete one. So, shall we get going?"

"Not yet," Katarina replied firmly. Lux blinked.

"Not yet?"

"We have stargazing to do still." She grinned, glancing outside again; the lamps were lit, the sky was dark, the sun was gone. "You didn't forget, did you?"

"Ah!" Lux grinned, too. "Almost. You had somewhere in mind to go, then?"

"Yeah." She hopped up and offered Lux a hand. "I'd say follow close, but - you won't really have much of a choice."

 

As soon as they were outside, Katarina wrapped her arms around Lux, and teleported - straight up. "Hold on," she called, as they emerged - Lux felt firm ground beneath _one_ foot, and yelped and clung to her, looking down on instinct. They were a good twenty feet up from the street, and Katarina was balancing on a ledge in the tower's architecture, directly above the shop they'd just come out of - in fact, below them was the window they had watched the sunset from. Suddenly panicked, she looked up at Katarina, horrified. 

"What are you doing?!" she cried. Katarina laughed.

"Just hold on," she repeated, grinning wickedly. She had only one arm around Lux, but its hold was quite sturdy; the other she used to balance them on the wall. Before Lux could protest again, though, Katarina jumped - Lux squeaked and hid in her shoulder - there was another pause, and then another jump. This time, Katarina let go, and Lux cried out and stumbled back - but was standing on solid ground. Hesitantly, she opened her eyes.

They were on... she thought a balcony, at first, but she soon realized it was some sort of maintenance area on the roof of a different building. The smog canopy was closer now. Lux knew immediately what the plan was: they were going to climb _through the smog_ , to where the sky was clear. She supposed... being ferried upward via shunpo... was suitably cute and romantic. She could just not look. It'd be fine. She looked Katarina's direction; the assassin was bouncing on her heels, rubbing her temples - it was an odd scene, and yet, one she understood. She was ensuring she was up for the climb. 

...Thinking of that, Lux's heart sank. "Are you gonna be okay?" she breathed.

"Huh? Oh, with all the teleporting?" Katarina grinned at her. "Yeah. I do stuff like this all the time. You just have to pace yourself. From here on it'll be really easy, look." She pointed upward; there were numerous other flat surfaces like this one. They were quite far apart... but not further than she'd seen Katarina teleport. "You ready to keep going?" Katarina added, as Lux tried to trace their route up.

Hesitantly, she turned back and nodded, reaching her arms out. "Don't drop me," she murmured nervously.

"It's not like we're jumping," Katarina chuckled, embracing her tightly, eyes on the next platform. "There'll always be ground beneath you!"

So, they climbed. Katarina had a pattern: three teleports, each fairly close together, followed by an extended rest for a few moments. It only took them four repetitions of this before they were nearing the ceiling; she left Lux there for a few moments, apparently teleporting inside the building to steal them a pair of facemasks, fitted from eyes down to their chins. "A temporary inconvenience, I suppose," Lux observed, once she had fitted hers on - it smelled pretty bad and the visor was quite badly smeared, but there wasn't much she could do about that. 

"Well, we've got through the easy part," Katarina sighed briskly, still bouncing. "It's a lot harder for me to shunpo up there where I can't see, so it'll get tricky from here on. You ready?"

Lux nodded. Katarina embraced her, and they jolted upwards to their next stop. 

This one was decidedly some kind of maintenance walkway - Lux could tell immediately there was a railing beside her, and a wall on her other side, affording barely any room to move horizontally. But visibility was awful. She couldn't tell how far up they had gone in their first hop, or how much higher they had to go. She was content, for now, to let Katarina navigate. 

It took her quite a bit longer between hops, now, but slowly, they continued to... move, at least, if not climb. Katarina studied the choking blackness quite a while in between each jump, and Lux soon began to project a small orb of light in her line of sight, trying to catch reflections or make things more visible. It certainly helped _her_ see, if not Katarina. 

But there came a point where her light grew terribly dim. They had a bit more space to walk, and Lux could illuminate the area immediately around her, getting a feel for the boundaries of their floor, but... trying to cast light in the direction Katarina was looking, it just didn't seem to catch. The singularities she wanted to bind... wouldn't bind. They dissipated as if dispelled.

"Okay, this is the spooky part." Katarina gestured for Lux to approach the edge - Lux gulped, a sudden deep feeling of dread filling her, and she slowly inched forward, hoping desperately to be told she was close enough. But that didn't happen, until she was by Katarina's side, her toes dangerously near to a smoky abyss. Katarina pointed ahead; just a few feet from them was another platform... obscured, partially, by the smoke, but visible. Katarina hopped back, and before Lux could do much more than stammer in with terrified realization, the assassin had jumped - manually, physically - across the gap and over onto the next building. 

She came back into view - as a silhouette, at least - on the other side, bouncing on her heels again. "C'mon!" Katarina said happily. "You have to jump here. There's a plume of smoke that suppresses magic here, so I can't teleport safely, but it's a really short hop." 

Lux panicked immediately.

"I-I can't," she laughed, a bit wildly. "That's - not happening. Sorry! We have to go back now."

"What?" Katarina stopped bouncing, sounding alarmed. "What do you mean? Is something wrong?"

_Idiot,_ the Voice snarled. _All this way and you're going to chicken out now?_ Lux had no counter. _I'll tell her._

"No!" she cried, not sure who she was shouting at. "I'm - I - I-I'm just not as acrobatic as you and I'm definitely going to fall and die is all." 

"Lux, it's like, three feet," Katarina said slowly. 

"I'm going to fall and I'm going to die," Lux cried. 

"No," Katarina replied, firmly, "you aren't. I won't let you." 

_Move aside,_ the Voice hissed. _I'll handle this. You're just going to upset her yelling like that._

_And what are you going to do, huh?! I bet I know. You'll say this is dangerous and you don't want to go any higher and we can stars another time somewhere safer, right? She'll be so upset. I can't do that._

_So what's your plan, then, if you're so brilliant?!_

_Shut up. I don't need a plan. Especially not from you._

"I'm scared of heights," Lux blurted.

There was a short pause. "Are you serious?" Kat sounded hoarse. "I've dragged you all this way up here and you're going to tell me _now_ you're afraid of heights?"

"W-Well, I trusted you!" Lux countered, weakly. "I - I still trust you, but I don't know if I can do this."

"I know you can do it," Katarina said firmly. "I'll catch you."

"You'll - what?" Lux's eyes widened. "What if I fall?!"

"I will follow you down and catch you and make sure you land safe," Katarina said. Her voice was fierce, even, and sure. Lux felt a chill flow through her at the sound of it. "I won't let anything happen to you. But I think you can make the jump, Lux." 

Lux remembered the moment when Katarina teleported them out of the air, over the Institute. She almost couldn't believe it at the time... but... she trusted Katarina. She knew it was an irrational fear. She was above the irrational. 

_You're going to fall and die,_ the Voice warned, now suddenly sounding panicked. But Lux wasn't threatened.

_Katarina will catch me,_ she replied quietly, beginning to back up. 

"You gonna do it?" Katarina called, eagerly.

"Yes," Lux shouted back. "Just give me a second." 

"Keep your eyes on me, okay? Don't look anywhere else!" 

"I will," Lux whispered. She was sure Katarina wouldn't hear it.

_If you miss her, or if you trip, or if you're too heavy, you're going to pull her down --_

_And she will catch me,_ Lux interrupted. _Go away. I don't need you._

_You're going to die!_ the Voice roared. _I thought you didn't want to die!_

_You don't need to save me anymore. I'm going to do this myself._

 

Her mind was still. She could hear the dull roar of machinery and wind all around. She could make out the outline of the gap in front of her. She took a deep breath, and started to sprint forward. She saw Katarina's silhouette. She saw the edge of the platform. And she jumped, and her eyes scrunched closed. 

She hung seemingly weightless in midair for a few moments - and felt the gut-wrenching drag of gravity on her body, pulling her down. And down. She began to flail, a scream building in her throat - it was too long, she shouldn't be in the air this long - 

But then she collided with something soft that gave way before her slightly, and clamped tight around her. She blinked and opened her eyes, and Katarina was smiling down into her face.

"There you go," Kat sighed, clearly relieved. "Not so bad, right?"

Lux smiled, though she felt a bit faint, too. "Y-Yeah." 

"We can get out of the null smoke from here," Katarina explained, "and I can carry you the rest of the way up. Hold on, I'll keep you away from the edge." 

 

Once they had moved into the right position, she clamped her arms around Katarina's waist and held tight, and Katarina happily resumed her teleporting rhythm. Four hops later, the assassin drew a knife from her waist and hurled it straight up - teleporting twice, in short succession. They burst through the smog, and Lux felt an icy wind cutting at her back, drawing a shocked gasp from her as they touched down on solid ground. 

Katarina relinquished her hold slightly, and Lux stepped back, looking around; there were no lights or lamps around them at all, but it was somehow bright enough to see. The space they were on was the most expansive they'd jumped to so far - the actual top of a building, by the looks of it. There was an access door a few feet beyond, but otherwise it was desolate, bare. All around, Lux saw nothing but dark clouds, a sea of smoke that roiled and flowed all around them... except, to the south, the Ironspikes jutted above the cover. Lux felt she was level with their tops. Her eyes grew wide, as she began to realize what was happening.

"The mountain wind," she breathed. "It comes down from the higher parts of the atmosphere, and it must have enough strength to disperse the pollution past a certain height... b-but that must mean this building..."

"Huh, so is that what does it?" Katarina blinked, having just removed her mask. The wind caught her hair and it fluttered away behind her, like a scarf or a cape or something. "I've always wondered."

"Katarina, how tall is this building?" Lux whispered, eyes growing wide. 

"I don't know," Katarina laughed. "I kind of get the impression you'd rather not know, from your face. We're _very_ high up, but you don't have to worry about that. Look up, instead." Lux nodded shakily, and sat down, just to be more sure of the ground beneath her - and then she looked up. 

There they were... the stars, the heavens, arrayed before them, greater and grander than Lux could ever see at once, and deeper than she could ever hope to probe. She was transfixed immediately. She had never seen so much... _color_ in the sky, either; smoky trails of blue and violet hung behind some of the brightest stars, accentuating them, and giving an unfathomable shape and structure to the otherwise infinitely formless expanse. 

She tried to form words to describe it. Her lips worked, helpless, desperate, trying to find the phrase. But she just couldn't find anything. And as if she expected it, Katarina didn't wait to hear; she sat beside Lux, and then laid down, shifting so that Lux didn't have to look backwards to meet her eyes. 

"I like to just lay in high places like this," Katarina sighed, "and take it in. Think about all the people that must've looked up like this, before me, and wanted to join the legends."

Still, Lux was speechless. Katarina didn't prompt her after that, and they were silent for several minutes. The wind rose and fell, chilling Lux to her bones, and she began to shiver; but still she didn't move. This sight was so much more beautiful than she could have ever expected. To freeze a little was worth it. 

It took a long time before she finally looked down at Katarina. In that first moment that she turned away, Katarina was still watching the sky, too, wearing a serene smile and dreamily half-closed eyes. But she resumed full attention when she turned to face Lux. "Had enough?" 

"I don't know," Lux admitted. "How long has it been? I'm so cold, but I don't want to go yet."

"It's really something, isn't it?" Katarina's smile grew, briefly showing teeth. "Being honest, I've never been up here. I've climbed through the smog before, but I never thought to go above it. I just knew this building was here, and thought - you liked the stars when we looked at them last, so... maybe we should see what they're like up here."

"It's unbelievable," Lux whispered, looking skyward again. "I... I don't know how to describe it."

"I dunno if you can." Katarina's voice was soft and reverent. "I think you just have to see it." 

"Yeah." 

They stared for a while longer.


	11. Chapter 11

"I know I already thanked you," Katarina murmured, after a little while. It was hard to hear her over the wind. "But... thank you, Lux."

Lux smiled faintly, and looked down at her. She didn't know what to say. This was not a 'you're welcome' sort of moment. Katarina's gaze met hers; she was not smiling, and in fact looked very serious. The swirling stars were reflected in her eyes. 

"I'm sure this sounds stupid to say, but..." Briefly, Katarina's eyes closed, and she took a deep breath. "I... I don't know how much longer I could've gone on like I was. Before I... went the way of mother, I guess. Thinking back on it, and thinking about what Levvy said... I was just so empty. I was doing the only thing that felt meaningful, even after it had lost its meaning. But you've brought me back to life again."

"I should be thanking you," Lux said softly. "It's only because of you that I... can be myself at all." 

Katarina smiled faintly, opening her eyes again. "How have you been feeling, by the way? I haven't really known how to ask, but... you seem to be doing better lately."

"Mostly, I've been better about hiding it," Lux muttered, shaking her head. "But... since last night, I've been... better than I can ever remember."

"That's really good to hear." Katarina's smile grew. "I was really worried about you, you know. I - this is a little embarrassing, actually, but - I... hoped maybe I could help you grow stronger. You know, the dumb Noxian thing." Lux couldn't help but chuckle a little, and Katarina rolled her eyes. "Look, it's not that stupid, is it?"

"No, it's not at all," Lux said kindly. "You've helped me grow much stronger."

"Well, that's the thing, I felt like I couldn't do anything," Katarina sighed. "I felt kind of helpless, honestly. You were suffering something I didn't understand. But if you're doing better, then, I'm glad, however it happened." 

Their eyes met again. After seeing her profile in the light of sunset, Lux wasn't sure she'd ever see a more beautiful image of Katarina, but... this was a strong contender. Laying back, happy, thoughtful, peaceful. Even vulnerable. Katarina always seemed so closed off, and Lux relished those moments when she was willing to open herself and be a little exposed like this. It made her want to... 

...her breath caught a little. She... she hadn't done anything forward before. That was all the Voice. But she dared not listen for it now; she was rid of it, and she would have to do this... no, she _wanted_ to do this herself. Her breathing grew deeper. Katarina seemed to notice, and her smile faded a little, in favor of a very faint blush. 

"Lux?" Katarina asked, softly. Nervously. She was vulnerable, and Lux drank it in like a poison. It made her shiver. To be cared and worried about, to have someone watching her so closely, so nervously, with such fascination - she held a sway over Katarina she would never hold over any other person, and she just could not help but want to... test its limits. It was intoxicating. Her chest was heaving; her heart was racing. 

"Please excuse my forwardness," Lux whispered, and she threw her leg over Katarina's - sitting at her hips, her arms above either of Katarina's shoulders; Katarina flinched, and her cheeks grew vibrantly red, though Lux could only faintly see it in the shadow her body cast. She smiled a little nervously. "Sorry to block your view," she murmured. Maybe she should shift back a bit - ? 

"No," Katarina breathed - Lux noticed that her chest was heaving, too. It was terribly hard not to watch the movements of her bosom. A deep hunger drew her eyes there. "I... I like the view I have. A-A lot."

"Maybe I can make it better," offered Lux, in a husky voice, one hand reaching up to pull at her jacket. The cold air scarcely bothered her now; just beneath the skin she felt aflame. She exalted in Katarina's shock, the way the girl's eyes tracked immediately to Lux's hand, as she lifted her top - shirt, jacket, breastband and all - sitting upright to pull them all the way off of her head, and setting them aside. Now it was Lux's turn to blush quite brightly, but Katarina's eyes seemed not to be on her face anymore.

"Are we doing this?" Katarina breathed. Lux nodded - she saw Kat track up, just briefly, to acknowledge her. 

"Please," Lux whispered back. 

"I... um..." Katarina gulped. She squirmed a little. Lux watched her greedily. Should she feel bad, about how much she loved watching Katarina struggle and simper? "I don't know... h-how to start, I guess." 

"I don't either," Lux admitted, a smile flickering across her own lips. "Uncertainty is opportunity?" 

"Of all the ways to understand how you feel without a plan, this is not the one I expected," Katarina whimpered, pouting. Lux laughed. Was she... she had to be putting it on, a little, right? 

"Let's just start here," she suggested, leaning down - letting her bare skin catch a bit against Katarina's top, as she brought their faces together. Katarina's eyes softened and her lips parted with anticipation; Lux happily obliged her, gently pressing her lips against Kat's, and in response Katarina's arms slid around her waist and held her tight, while Lux reached up to gently caress her cheek. Their eyes each slipped closed; they parted, then kissed again, and again and again. Lux lost count, but she didn't want too long before touching her tongue to Katarina's top lip, instead - Katarina gasped and her lips quivered, and Lux slipped delicately inside, drawing Katarina's tongue out to play in the open air. 

She felt Katarina breathing heavily against her, she felt Katarina's arms shifting anxiously on her back, one sliding up to her shoulder and gripping it for a moment - then sliding back down. Her touch was so warm and left pulses of heat that filled the rest of her; she couldn't help but shiver and try to arch into it, hoping to encourage her to do more. But Katarina didn't, perhaps shy, perhaps overwhelmed. And that was alright, because she loved that powerlessness even more. She revelled in Katarina's tiny gasps and whimpers, as Lux toyed with her. She could feel Katarina's legs shifting, too, clenching but then straightening again, as if searching for purchase but unsure what to do with it once she had it. 

Without pulling away, Lux lowered her hands, feeling for the hems of Katarina's clothes and pulling them open or upward - it took a moment to recognize that the strapped-together mass would take a lot of effort to remove, so with an grunt of annoyance she sat up, and started to pull it apart. "I liked your old clothes better," she growled. 

"Sorry," Katarina mumbled, meekly, watching her with wide eyes. She tried to help, but it was tough for them both to work at it at the same time, so her help mostly amounted to lifting her arms so that Lux could pull it the rest of the way off, leaving them both topless now. That done, she happily leaned back down to resume their kissing. 

But now it was so much more fiery than before - Katarina's squirming grew more animated as she and Lux each pressed into each other, increasingly desperate for the warmth and softness of the other's skin, and Lux was too agitated to keep her hands in one place, sliding them across Katarina's exposed form, at times feeling her appraisingly and others gripping her possessively. The Voice's accusations floated through her mind, but they felt so weak to her; Katarina was offering herself, and surely, no matter how helpless she seemed - she could break away if she wanted, right? She had a power over Kat. An ability to open her up, to make her willing to be bare and exposed here. She wanted to push it. She wanted to see just how far down she could push her. She wanted to see if Katarina liked it as much as Lux liked seeing it.

...Maybe she should go easy. For now. It wouldn't do to hurt her. 

She found herself deeply pleased to reach this conclusion by herself. The Voice was either silent or well beyond her hearing now, and either way, Lux was delighted to empower herself, instead. 

She broke away from Kat's lips, trailing firm kisses down her neck, pressing her teeth faintly into the base before continuing on to her breast; Katarina gasped raggedly as she went, a shivering cry escaping her when Lux sunk her teeth more deeply into the soft, plush flesh that met her there. "Sensitive," she observed under her breath, before drifting just to the side; she cupped that breast in her left hand, forcing it to be steady so that she could delicately circle the nipple with the tip of her tongue. This drew another surprised moan, and more feeble writhing. 

"F-Fuck," Katarina whimpered, "I, why does that - feel so good - ?"

"Good," Lux purred, sweetly kissing its perky hardened tip, before going to repeat this treatment on the other. Honestly, feeling Katarina shuddering and hearing moaning, and the fire that roared higher at every expression of Katarina's lust - this a higher pleasure than Lux had ever felt, and she wasn't touching or stimulating herself at all, and that surprised her. Dimly, she wondered why it was, but there was no need for a 'why' right now. 

She only teased for a bit longer, before reaching between Katarina's legs; Katarina squeaked and clapped a hand over her mouth, writhing, just from a touch on the outside of her clothes. Lux smirked, applying a bit more pressure, watching her squirm and whimper, drinking in her movements. For a moment, Katarina's eyes were wrenched closed, but she tore them open again to stare at Lux with desperation, panting, but not speaking. And Lux smiled sweetly back. 

"Do you need something?" Lux asked softly. 

"Oh," Katarina whimpered, "why, why are you - making fun of me - ?"

"I want to hear you say it," Lux whispered. "Please."

Katarina's eyes closed again and she slumped back. For a moment, she just breathed, and Lux kept her hand exactly where it was, watching the Katarina's chest heave. She could see a reflective sheen on her breasts... sweat, or Lux's saliva? She supposed she may have gotten a bit carried away. 

"Please," Katarina mewed.

"Please?" Lux asked sweetly.

"P-please fuck me." 

"Like this?" Lux very gently jabbed inward, with her fingers, and Kat gasped and nodded.

"Please," she whimpered. "Please, please, please - "

"Well, these need to come off for that, don't they?" Lux pulled at her pants - Katarina agreeably helped kicked them off, and Lux glided back up her body, running her hands along Katarina's firm and toned legs on her way. But she had kept Katarina, and herself, waiting long enough at this point. She settled to Katarina's side and leaned over her, one hand on Kat's shoulder, and the other massaging Katarina's entrance, dragging her fingers just faintly along the inner folds - not teasingly, but warningly. Katarina took in a hissing breath: warning well heeded. 

Then she shifted her wrist. She placed her thumb at Katarina's clit, and reared back with two fingers, delicately pressing at her entrance and slowly sliding them into her - pausing, but only briefly, when she felt resistance or a spasm or gasp from her. She hilted herself first, and just waited, two fingers buried in her, while her thumb gently circled the nub above, watching Katarina's reactions; her eyes had squeezed shut again and her breathing was shaky and uneven. 

"You're mine, now," Lux growled. She wasn't sure where it came from. 

"Oh," Katarina breathed. She sounded faint, and Lux _loved_ it. 

"Do you like that...? Letting down all of your guards for me?"

Katarina bit her lip, and nodded, very slowly. Lux couldn't help but grin, but fortunately, Katarina didn't have to see.

Slowly, she pulled her fingers almost all the way out of her - Katarina whimpered sweetly but tried not to move. Then Lux thrust them in again - this time, not slowly, and not too gently either; Katarina squeaked and her back arched, but Lux didn't wait. In seconds, she was hammering Katarina in earnest, watching Katarina's face now with narrowed and keen eyes - waiting for signs to be gentler... or to be firmer, if Katarina wanted that. But she didn't speak. And that was probably good, because for all of the whimpering and moaning coming from her, she doubted Kat could speak, either. 

Katarina didn't seem to know what she wanted; she tried to grasp at Lux's wrist, feebly, so Lux slowed down, but in a few moments she was groaning and rolling her hips at Lux's hand so she sped up again. She supposed it wasn't a single speed; she knew, for herself, there was certainly a rhythm to it. And as soon as she accepted that, and oscillated, she felt she hit a stride - sending Katarina into shivering cries of pleasure, then bringing her down into lower, softer moans as she desperately tried to catch her breath. 

Never did Katarina open her eyes. Soon she pulled her arms back and out of the way; only her hips moved. Lux was so badly tempted to bind her in place, if she seemed so keen on not moving - but she knew now was wrong. Definitely not now. There would be another time, she promised herself. This would be far from the last time they had sex. 

It took a little time - but when Katarina did arch her back and her breathing faltered and stopped, her face frozen into a strangled expression of shock and her slit clamping down on Lux's soaked fingers - Lux still felt a bit disappointed. She wanted to see and feel more from her. _Not yet,_ she chided herself. _At least, you have to see how she feels._ So she waited for Katarina to lay flat again, to gather her breath; slowly she freed her hand, rotating her wrist to ease its tension, and she glanced up at it to see her fingers' glint against the starlight. They were quite soaked. 

In that moment of relative quiet, staring at her own handiwork, she felt a stab of anxiety. This was - not like her, was it? To suddenly take control of Katarina like that? Was it the Voice that had somehow stolen control away from her...? She shook off that thought as best she could; any more, she'd be able to tell. This _was_ what she wanted. To make Katarina very undeniably hers, not specifically so Lux could take advantage of her, but so that Katarina would... _want_ her, want her to - 

She was assaulted all at once with a vivid image of Katarina, bound by light shackles to a wall, begging Lux for sex.

Her eyes grew very wide and her cheeks grew very hot. Yep. That's - that's what she wanted, all right. Well then. 

"H-How're you feeling?" she giggled, awkwardly, turning back to Katarina. Her eyes had opened, and were staring distantly through the sky far above. Her breathing had slowed to something resembling a normal speed, but her chest still heaved with every breath. 

"Holy shit," Katarina whispered. Lux couldn't help but laugh again. The image in her mind was not going away.

"Sorry, I kind of... did that, out of nowhere," she said sheepishly. "I... um..."

"N-No, it was good," Katarina gasped, her eyes moving swiftly to Lux. "R-Really good. Don't... don't apologize."

"Okay." Lux smiled, and laid down beside her; she instinctively made to curl her arms around Kat, but she wasn't really sure where to put her thickly coated fingers. So instead, on a whim, she began to draw circles on Kat's lower stomach with them. She felt Katarina's knees shifting again, and giggled softly. "I think I'm a lot more, uh... perverted...? Than I expected to be."

"I think I am too," Katarina agreed quietly, her voice still a bit uneven. Lux blinked and looked up at her with raised eyebrows; Katarina shied away a little, but managed to look back with a crooked smile. The longer Lux held her gaze, the more confidence Katarina seemed to gain. 

"Now that's an interesting thing to say," Lux observed playfully. "What might that mean?"

"Well, for one thing," Katarina murmured, "it means I'm going to pay you back for that."

"Oh." Lux's grin grew. "By all means, please do." She laid flat and Katarina pushed herself up to loom over her, but Katarina hesitated, biting her lip, eyes on Lux's... chest? Or shoulders? Not her face. She reached up and delicately angled Katarina's face up, meeting her eyes. They were dark and deep, and she recognized the uncertainty on her face - in this exact scene - very well. Last time she had seen it, Katarina had gone to kiss her on the cliffs, back when they were on the road. And Lux had decided to pull her into it. 

"You're nervous," Lux observed softly. Katarina tried to shy away, her shoulders slumping. "That's okay," Lux gasped. she hadn't expected that to hurt her feelings. "I'm just surprised!"

"It just feels weird," Katarina mumbled. "I don't know. I feel like I shouldn't do this." 

"You should," Lux said - softly, firmly. Katarina looked back, and Lux lifted her head a bit, bringing them closer. "Katarina," she whispered, "I want to have sex with you again." 

She saw Katarina's blush deepen anew, and sang inside at the sight. "A-Alright," she gulped. "Um... h-how should I...?"

Her imagination snapped this up greedily, and the sudden urge that assailed her was so intense she reeled. "Um, Kat," she laughed awkwardly - the Voice was silent, but that was fine, she'd managed without it so far just by being forward and honest, so that's what she'd do now. "Kat, um, do you really want me to just... order you around?"

There was a short pause. Lux's smile faded. Katarina's blush grew even darker.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "I... um... I'd... like... that."

Lux took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding. 

"Use your tongue," she said. Her voice was cold and firm and commanding and _she had never heard it before._ The sound was a pulse of lightning, and judging by the way Katarina's eyes widened and her feeble nod, she felt it, too. She settled a hand in Katarina's hair as Katarina drifted down between her legs, softly petting her, and goading her on as she pulled what was left of Lux's clothes away. 

Lux wasn't sure what to expect - would she be nervous and hesitant? Would she be voracious once given direction? But she found herself surprised by what she found; after a brief pause that Lux assumed was Katarina steeling herself, she ran her tongue along Lux's entrance, only lightly tracing inside her and punctuating the movement with a flick to her clit; it was a very deliberate, confident motion, and Lux squeaked at the end as pleasure jolted through her. "Oh," she breathed, "that's - very good!" And Katarina hummed, and did it again, and again. Only after a few rounds of this warmup did she finally press her lips against it and dig in.

And then, it was hard to describe what came next, if only because Lux was feeling so dazed and faint within moments that she struggled to process it. What she did know is that Katarina reached deep and pressed into parts of her that Lux hadn't ever touched before, and it was so intense that it blinded her. For the sake of dignity, she tried to keep petting Katarina, but she couldn't stop her fingers from clenching down on Kat's hair more than once; eventually she just gave up - arching her back, molding her own breast with her free hand, gasping and moaning happily to let Katarina know just how much she was enjoying this. 

But it didn't last terribly long after that, before Katarina broke away, panting, kissing weakly at her thigh; Lux suspected she needed a break but didn't want to admit it. "You can switch to your fingers if you like," she offered, between labored breaths, and Katarina sighed and shifted immediately, now hovering low over Lux's neck while she situated her hand; Katarina's breath, hot and damp, drew goosebumps out of Lux in waves. 

Kat chose to mimic Lux's technique; she seemed want to start slow, but Lux was not in the mood to slow down, rocking her hips at Katarina's hand with an aggravated whine. "Sorry," Katarina whimpered; Lux meant to reassure her but Katarina's first thrust knocked the wind out ofher... as did every subsequent thrust. All Lux could do was lie back and let it reverberate through her, writhing and arching, clasping her hands around anything that was near in desperation to vent her pleasure. 

She could only hope this was how intense it had been for Katarina, too. 

 

When Katarina finished with her, Lux greedily pulled her close and they fenced tongues in the night air for what felt like an hour, before finally collapsing and resting with each other for another hour after that. Though their arms and legs stayed twined, in some vague defense against the icy wind, their eyes soon turned back to the stars. 

"I feel like this is a weird time to say I love you," Katarina murmured, "but it occurs to me I haven't said it before."

A smile blossomed on Lux's lips, entirely beyond her ability to stifle, even if she'd wanted to. "I think this is a fine time," she said coyly, kissing Katarina's nose. 

"I love you, Lux." Katarina shied bashfully away, but matched her smile. 

"I love you too, Katarina."


	12. Chapter 12

Lux rubbed a temple with one thumb, as she read the article before her for the fourth time. It was so hard to believe - even with all their suspicion and plotting, to see something so blatant... it... horrified her. It shocked home the reality of what she and Katarina were up against. It made her question - especially after last night - whether or not they were ready. 

She heard whispers of the Voice. But she ignored them. It was far beyond her hearing now. 

She glanced up and out the window, brushing bangs out of her eyes, and watched the mountainside pass, listened to the rhythmic clicking and clacking of the train car over the rails. It was late afternoon, and would be evening by the time they arrived in Steilrut. Katarina had gone ahead and arranged travel, while Lux had investigated Cassiopeia's presence at the Compendium. She'd found plenty of evidence, but so far hadn't gone over any of it. She was too distraught. 

She looked down at the newspaper again. How could anyone not be distraught, with such a terrifying photo on the cover?

> TRAGEDY AND TERROR AT THE EMERALD ASCENT  
>  Chemical Weapon Decimates Capital Mountainside; Ionia Mourns Loss of Starchild, Duchess Karma

Karma was dead. Soraka was dead.

That... that, by itself, was a lot to take in. Lux had met Karma before; a terrifying woman in her shrewdness and wisdom, but serene and gentle of heart. A good leader for Ionia, and a positive political force in the world, to Luxs's eye. Her death was a global tragedy. And Soraka, Lux had never met, but knew well as one of the guiding philosophers of Ionia, namely for their steadfast belief in peace and the reverence of life. 

Even had they simply died in an accident, it would be a dark day for Runeterra. But they hadn't. Wincing, she settled in to read on, even though she knew well what the article said:

> Zaunite Melter mortal charges were detonated throughout the Emerald Ascent in the Ionian capital city yesterday, in the midst of the emergency Summit of Elders. Ionian officials report at least three missing persons, including Duchess Karma, Elder Nazeguro of Shon-Xan, and the celestial creature Soraka, often known as the Starchild. The incident is being labeled by the Institute of War as a terrorist attack. 
> 
> "This attack marks one of Ionia's darkest days," said Irelia, the Captain of the Guard. In the wake of the attack, martial law has been declared, and Irelia has been elevated as the interim authority over the Elders. "Our people have sought only the peace and the time to rebuild our home, after it was nearly destroyed by invasion. This attack begs the question: what do we gain from the mainland, if they continue to allow this to happen?"
> 
> "The whole of Ionia is understandably outraged," added Councilor Liang Zhou, Ionia's primary representative at the Institute. "This attack serves as a reminder that the world is not at peace, and may never be at peace. For the Ionian people, that alone is cause to mourn."
> 
> The summit of Yamakishi, the mountain upon which the Ionian capital city was built, is inaccessible due to the contamination and burning of the chemical weapon. Due to this, investigation of possible instigators has proceeded slowly. "There are suspects," Irelia said. "But it's hard to be sure of anything right now. Given the nature of the crime, it's likely we'll never know who is really responsible. But almost all evidence points to Noxian involvement."
> 
> Noxian noble Rhea Scrowveil was present at the summit, as Duchess Karma's sponsee, to speak on Noxus' behalf; she was not available for comment. "Rhea and her entourage are not considered suspects at this time," Irelia said, "because of their connections with the victims, their personal involvement in the evacuation effort, and their presence at the summit during the attack." 
> 
> When asked about Scrowveil, Zhou added, "The Ionian Elders have not yet reached consensus, but have taken her and the late Duchess' words to heart following the attack." Both Scrowveil and the Duchess were outspoken advocates of peace.
> 
> Scrowveil and her mercenary entourage were seen escorting Ionian elders and civilians to the base of the mountain, through a previously undiscovered passageway into the circle of Elders at the crown of the mountain.

Scrowveil. Lux had wracked her memory, over and over, looking for that name. But she just didn't remember. It must not have been a terribly significant house, she thought, or else it would have come up during one of her investigations. Even still, that begged the question: why was she there? Why was she speaking in support of peace?

And of course, obvious though the answer felt, the question remained: who, with access to Melter munitions, wanted Ionian elders dead so badly as to commit such an atrocity? 

Katarina burst into the cabin and swung herself into the seat opposite Lux, leaning over the table with an expectant gaze. They hadn't had much time to talk before the train left, and Katarina was rather busy drawing attention away from Lux - now that she was the only wanted one. But the assassin had obviously picked up that something was wrong. Lux considered turning the paper around to show her, but... 

"There was a terrorist attack on the Ionian capital," she said, a bit numbly. Katarina's face drained of color. "Clearly targeting the elders. Most of them are fine, but Duchess Karma is dead."

"The Duchess," Katarina repeated weakly. "Who would --?"

But Katarina cut herself off, a hand rising to cover her mouth as her jaw dropped. "Oh no." Lux nodded grimly, pursing her lips. "Oh, no, Lux, this... this has to be the Rose. Right...?"

"I'm almost positive the Rose is behind it," Lux agreed icily. "But there's a lot more to it than that. We can go over it later. For now... here's what I found at the Compendium."

Still ashen-faced, Katarina nodded; Lux slid the paper aside, and lifted the folder she'd 'borrowed' to keep her notes in. She'd copied down a page from the checkout log, which she brought out first. "Cassiopeia took three books and seven samples," she began, trying to keep her voice professional to steady the mood. Katarina took the page and turned it over to study it. "The samples first; all seven were deadly synthetic toxins of either a purely magical or chemhex nature. One of the tomes related to the creation and distillation of such synthetic poisons. It's reasonable to assume Cassiopeia is trying to create one."

"That seems in line with her interests," Katarina murmured, her eyes skimming the list of poisons. "There are some nasty ones on here," she added, her voice dropping lower still. "Goldrot...? Weeping Agony? Those aren't poisons you use to kill somebody. They're so distinctive, and victim suffers for such a long time. You use them to send a message." She looked up, even paler than before. "Lux," she breathed, "if the Rose is trying to assassinate high-profile targets so blatantly..."

"You don't know the half of it," Lux said darkly, tapping the list of books at the top. "The other two books." Katarina squinted; they had the same title, but were two volumes in a series.

"'Architecture and Manipulation of --'" Katarina gasped loudly, again covering her mouth. "Oh no."

"Of runes," Lux finished in a growl. " _Runes_ , Katarina. When we were trapped in Leblanc's dungeons months ago, I tried as many ways of circumventing antimagic as I know of. Nothing worked. That had to be a rune. If the Black Rose has been hoarding runes, and Cassiopeia means to activate one - "

"What?!" Katarina cried, in horror. "I- I don't even know what you could do with something like that! The whole point of runes was they had so much power you could barely approach one! She can't mean to make a poison out of a rune, can she?!"

"Or," Lux muttered, "to make a rune out of poison."

Katarina shook her head in disbelief. "We have to stop her. I don't know what she's planning, but whatever it is, whatever the Black Rose is trying to do..."

"This isn't just about your family any more," Lux agreed darkly. "The world hangs in the balance. You and I might be the only people with the skills and the knowledge to connect what's happening to the Rose and to stop them. If we don't, Noxus could control the entirety of Valoran... or they could destroy it." 

 

Katarina slumped back, still covering her mouth. Silently, she slid down in her seat, staring at the slip of paper on the table. Soberly, Lux slid it back into her folder, and set it aside. Most everything else in there was for her own use later. 

"Okay," Katarina sighed, her hand sliding up to cover her eyes instead. "Gods, this... We just have to stop them. We have to."

"I do have good news," Lux said softly; Katarina jolted up immediately, leaning in once more with renewed interest. "We may not be facing it alone." She brandished the newspaper now, and began to read - starting from Scrowveil's first mention.

"Rhea!" Katarina cried, in disbelief, when Lux had finished - this time she looked elated. "Gods, I hope she's okay!"

"You know her?" Lux breathed, stunned herself. Katarina nodded breathlessly. "How?"

"A friend of my mother's," Katarina explained hurriedly. "A combat instructor in the military, but she took up mercenary work after the Ionian invasion. What was she doing in Ionia - ?"

"Was she hired?" Lux gasped, leaning in, too. "Did someone hire her to try to diffuse the situation? Or maybe even - to stop the Black Rose's plot?"

"Someone on the inside," Katarina added, her eyes shining, a smile coming to her lips. "Someone that knew what was going on, and had the resources to stop them. We have an ally!"

"But we don't know how to find them," Lux added, with reservation. "We don't know who they are, and we don't know what became of Rhea. But I bet you she'll be a damn sight easier to find than any information about Leblanc will be."

"Okay!" Katarina sat back, bouncing in her seat, grinning. "We've got our objective, and we've got our first lead. It sounds like we're well on our way to hell."

"To he-?" Lux couldn't help but laugh. "Is that really a saying you have?"

"No, I made it up just now." Katarina laughed sheepishly. "Honestly, Lux, I feel amazing right now. I've never been more ready in my life. We're going to do this, you and me. This is what I was born for. I know it."

Lux smiled more mutedly, and sat back as well, drumming her fingers on the table. She glanced out the window; the sun was setting well behind them, and the sky was painted in streaks of pink and gold, but she could only barely see. She had to admit... she was excited, too. Excited to have a purpose. Excited to be valuable. Excited to be side-by-side with someone that... well, that loved her. 

She turned back to Katarina, tilting her head a little, as Katarina watched her with an expectant and vaguely confused expression. "Is something up?" the assassin asked, with just a touch of anxiety.

"No, nothing," Lux said, calmly. "You're just right. We were born for this. And we're definitely going to win."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy with how this turned out. 
> 
> I'm not really sure anymore whether I was more discouraged or inspired by the Demacia event (spoilers: I do not like new Lux). I do know that the desire to finish this storyline Riot started, and is seemingly abandoning, is a pretty strong part of my drive to finish Resurgence. There was some good stuff in that old lore and I only hope I can do it justice... with this... dumb... lesbian fanfic I'm writing. 
> 
> If you're reading this around the time it was posted, some things you might be interested to know:  
> \- Part 5 is the last part of Resurgence, barring any "post-canon" or epilogue stuff I choose to do.  
> \- I have one more project I want to touch up, somewhere in the region of 10-15k words, and then I will immediately work on Part 5  
> \- Part 5 is probably going to be the longest thing I ever write? I'm not planning on it, I'm just guessing from my own observations at this point. There's a lot of ground to cover.  
> \- I will be writing the entirety of Part 5 privately and posting it all at once, the same way I did this one. Emerald Ascent was a fun experiment, but between that and a certain other thing I'm working on, I think I'm just going to wind up preferring to post completed works at a time. You would not believe the number of times I did nearly comprehensive rewrites of this story. x_x
> 
> I really hope you've been enjoying reading this as much as I've been enjoying writing it. Thank you, again, for reading! We'll see you soon with more lovely Noxian lesbians!


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